Fasting in a distracted world...

I have made a huge decision. I have told a few people what it is but am not going to make it public until it is official. Time will tell when that will be. Time is what I have, unless Jesus comes and then HALLELUJAH! Until then though I have some major decisions to make. In talking to close friends they have agreed to keep me accountable as I make the decision to fast certain things in my life which take up so much time that I am not allowing myself time to pray, meditate and think about the decisions before me. For the first two weeks I gave up Facebook. To be honest that one was a little bit easy. It was a relief to not go on facebook. My conversations resulted in going deeper than "did you see such and such on fb..." They were meaningful. I found that at time facebook was burdomsome, dramatic and a pleasure to fast from. I was thinking of going for a month but it didn't feel like a fast. So on the way to church on the Sunday after the 'so called facebook fast' ended i prayed about what to give up next. I immediately prayed that it wouldn't be nexflix and God said 'that's it'. sigh. i love netflix and since i don't really watch tv and have no cable that's it. Other than pandora it's my primary source of entertainment. I told a friend and she graciously said she's fast it with me. I decided that I wanted it to be a meaningful fast so during "primetime nextflix times" I have a list of Christian books and books of the bible i'd like to read during these times. So far it's been great (and only two days). I have noticed that my evenings are more open now without another netflix marathon.

 So my dad was confused when i told him i was giving nexflix. Partially because most of my walk with God is perplexing to those on the outside and also partially because he thought that the family was giving it up. i told him i couldn't stop them from watching but was going to read during the usual netflix night times. I decided to do my best to try to explain what a fast it (esp to someone who doens't speak 'Christian-ese' and this was my best, "I have made this decison and in order to see the big picture of what God wants me to do I am giving up things. I choose Netflix because i love it so much. I am giving up things that distract me from thinking about the big picture and what I want to come out of this huge decision."

 I did my best, Kris

explaining fasting...

I have made a huge decision. I have told a few people what it is but am not going to make it public until it is official. Time will tell when that will be. Time is what I have, unless Jesus comes and then HALLELUJAH! Until then though I have some major decisions to make. In talking to close friends they have agreed to keep me accountable as I make the decision to fast certain things in my life which take up so much time that I am not allowing myself time to pray, meditate and think about the decisions before me. For the first two weeks I gave up Facebook. To be honest that one was a little bit easy. It was a relief to not go on facebook. My conversations resulted in going deeper than "did you see such and such on fb..." They were meaningful. I found that at time facebook was burdomsome, dramatic and a pleasure to fast from. I was thinking of going for a month but it didn't feel like a fast. So on the way to church on the Sunday after the 'so called facebook fast' ended i prayed about what to give up next. I immediately prayed that it wouldn't be nexflix and God said 'that's it'. sigh. i love netflix and since i don't really watch tv and have no cable that's it. Other than pandora it's my primary source of entertainment. I told a friend and she graciously said she's fast it with me. I decided that I wanted it to be a meaningful fast so during "primetime nextflix times" I have a list of Christian books and books of the bible i'd like to read during these times. So far it's been great (and only two days). I have noticed that my evenings are more open now without another netflix marathon.

 So my dad was confused when i told him i was giving nexflix. Partially because most of my walk with God is perplexing to those on the outside and also partially because he thought that the family was giving it up. i told him i couldn't stop them from watching but was going to read during the usual netflix night times. I decided to do my best to try to explain what a fast it (esp to someone who doens't speak 'Christian-ese' and this was my best, "I have made this decison and in order to see the big picture of what God wants me to do I am giving up things. I choose Netflix because i love it so much. I am giving up things that distract me from thinking about the big picture and what I want to come out of this huge decision."

 I did my best, Kris

quite the trip

My trip to Michigan started off great but had a rough ending. It started earlier than anticipated as we were attempted to leave before the blizzard. So instead we left on Christmas night. After dropping off my dad at this girlfriend's home and then headed to Lauren and I had a blast with Lauren for awhile. We watched a movie, went out to eat a few times, shopped and talked and enjoyed each other's company. From there I went to my brother's house. I took my mom out to eat to Chinese and then to a coffee shop for some conversation. Then went back to spend time with the family. The next day I went to a cabin to visit with some friends from college. It was a great time of game playing, memory sharing, updating on life and then dinner together. Time flew way too fast. After dinner I left for a cottage we rented for a few nights. It was ironically called the "blues cottage" and after spending eight hours there sleeping I woke up dizzy, nauseous, and with a severe headache. I went downstairs and we all woke up with the same headache. We decided to be done with the cottage for good. I walked up stairs to pack my things and was immediately dizzy and felt like I was about to pass out. We believe it was Carbon Monoxide poisoning. We left and I spent the afternoon throwing up in any available toilet I could find. I wasn't able to eat until about 6:30 that evening. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt. My bed was right above the heater and we believe it wasn't connected properly or something. We talked to the manager of the place and his response was, "Oh sorry to hear that". We left for home after taking all of my nieces and nephews to Chuck E Cheese. We got home at midnight to find a non-existent driveway. We had to unload our things and then dad shoveled the driveway. I was exhausted and terribly weak but so excited to be home again. I slept really well in my own bed and for like ten hours or so. All in all I am thankful to be alive and that no long term effects hurt us. It could have been a lot worse. I got the worst of it since I was upstairs and right above the heater in the cottage. I am hoping my next trip to Michigan ends a little bit better.

How did I get here?

This is Kris again. I don't write much lately, probably because i'm not sure that anything I have to write is worth reading...honestly. I'm sorry if you were looking for happy-go-lucky Kris because this post is from another version of her. Most people don't like when Kris isn't all smiles and positive phrases but some days it's too much work to be the girl showing her dimples. Today is one of those days. Nothing happened in particular because my moods aren't based on things which happen. Instead, it's just a feeling I cannot shake about feeling like my life is in an entirely different place. Nowhere near where I thought it would be. When you are a senior in high school they always ask you where you want to be in "ten years" ironically my answer was not "living with my dad and being a live in babysitter and housekeeper"! Hmm...why wouldn't that have been my answer? Welp, probably because at that point my dad and I exchanged emails on major holidays and birthdays. So that in itself is incredible. My answer included teaching full time and living in a one bedroom studio apartment in Chicago. If you fast forward to later on in college my answer would have included teaching, marriage and probably children. I am 28, unmarried, no children (which is good being unmarried) and work part time at a job I LOVE!!!!!!! I don't why but this time of year. You know the holidays I feel completely drained. Mostly emotionally. *not to toot my own horn* but I am a natural gift-giving person. I don't wait for December 25 for gift giving. I give all year long and a lot. However this time of the year I feel like an ATM machine. People are always taking and taking and taking but not giving anything into it. To be honest at this time I have two friends who are the only ones who call and are truly interested in how I am doing. These two are my beacons of hope lately. Hope for our culture and society. Don't get me wrong I know that it's not all about me. It's not about me at all. I just feel like I am often doing things from people and am often forgotten. Sometimes I feel like I'm absolutely forgotten and overlooked. Which is frustrating when you give and give and give. I have to say that lately I have never felt more close to my savior and best friend, Jesus. Lately it has hit me just how forgotten he has become in our culture. It pains me every time I look around and see how much hate there truly is. Also (and i know this makes me sound old) but remembering things like sitting around and playing games or playing outside as a kid. These are things i miss, that and Saturday morning cartoons! Okay I cannot end this without the optimist inside me jumps out and ends on a good note ;) In very excited news next week I will be having "The Great Mitten Adventure". This week will be filled with people that I love very much. Starting with my best friend, then filled with LOTS of family crazy and great, some college buds, possibly a ginger in there and ending with my nephew and niece! This I am very much looking forward to. It was probably confusing but thanks for reading. Kris

Life truly is Beautiful

Today was a little bit rough for my family. I got a phone call this afternoon saying that my great grandmother had a massive stroke this morning. The doctors and waiting to see if he can pull through it. She is 94 and is an incredible woman. I know that for most people this wouldn't be a shock that their great grandmother is really sick. However she was always like a grandmother to me. My parents had us kids right out of high school and it felt like my grandparents were another set of parents and that great grandma was a grandma. It sounds weird but it's true. She was very big on family and as her first great grandchildren she did everything with us. She was at every holiday and really invested in us. We called her grandma. She is an incredible woman and had a gift of story telling that only a few guy friends could even come close to. I know that she is in her nineties but it doesn't seem to get any easier to deal with death. I remember my first funeral when I was young. I couldn't understand why everyone was so sad and it made me confused to see everyone I loved in so much pain. It was so final. So difficult...much more than my nine-year-old brain could take in. This post was not meant to be morbid. Today I was praying and meditating on this situation and God told me to think about the beauty of life. Life is precious and such a gift. While in the hospital I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who were in the room to see her and talk to her whether or not she can comprehend what was being said. They spoke of her love, care, compassion and spirit. She filled a room of people who wanted to share their love with her. We shared stories with one another and laughter as we talked about her stubborn ways. As I left the hospital I thought about how important family was to her. This showed in her hospital room. I want to be the person who has so many people visiting in the hospital that the nurses have to maneuver around everyone to get to me. The person who when stopping by they share stories and have a good laugh and not feel guilty for enjoying a good life. I want to be like this GREAT GRANDMOTHER of mine. Thanks for reading, Kris

cha-cha-changes

To say that things are changed would be quite the understatement. Things are a lot different than they were when I was living in Grand Rapids an working full time. Here is a list of changes: Cooking for one Cooking for three Working full time Working part time; mostly from home Used to sleep on downtime Workout on my downtime Went out to eat with friends Rarely go out to eat Drank at least 2 2ltr of Mountain Dew Drink pop only with a bad headache. Life is very different. Some days I feel that I am missing out on things. However right now I am being called to be here and help out my family. I have a job that I absolutely love. There are times I wish I could be more selfish, which sounds horrible, but it's true. Every once in awhile I just hide myself in my room and put in a movie. I do enjoy my phone calls with Lauren. Every time we talk it's just like we are back in our apartment talking about our day and how things are going. Change is good.

loving things vs people

1 John 4:7 was something that was shared at one of the chapels while I was at camp. The verse is, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." The director for the summer (if you are a CLBC'er: the director is much like a core staff but there are only two of them for the summer). He talked about how we always say we love things but they cannot love us back and pour back into us. He talked about how often he said: I love pizza, I love this movie, etc. He went on to talk about how we should focus on relationships and especially our relationship with Jesus. He also challenged us to call each other out when they use the phrase "I love...." when it was not a person. He had each counselor with a sharpie and the campers were to mark their arm. Although i don't really think you should teach junior highers to draw on their skin with sharpie markers it was a great teaching tool. I did notice and look for how much I personally said it. I didn't draw marks on my body nor did the boys i took but we did "invisible" marks. It did open my eyes to see how often i say that i love something that was not a person and not something that can pour into me. I watched a movie with Lauren one afternoon and found myself saying it more than five times. It's something to think about, Kris

survey says...54% say God loves everyone!

I have a friend of the family who is a pastor of a nearby church. About a week ago we went over to visit. With both of us working in churches we usually end up talking about work, which is awesome that talking about work and faith are now in the same category. Pretty awesome. Anyway she said that she was at a conference recently and they took a vote of all the attendees which were comprised of about 1500 church workers of three differing denominations. The speaker for the conference asked them to vote whether or not God loves everybody. 54% said yes. This made my heart sink and immediately a number of bible verses popped in my head proving that 100% of those who attended should have voted yes. Apparently this sparked up a conversation in groups. The feeling was that less than half felt that God couldn't love people who don't love him, or those born the wrong gender, etc. I could not believe my ears. Needless to say all of those who attended this conference immediately were prayed for by me. It made me really sad that these people think that God's love would be conditional or based person to person. Even worse is that they not only claim to a follower of Christ but work in his church to proclaim his name. As for God loving everybody...i cannot begin to tell you how many bible verses would prove that. I would love to tell them that there is a major difference between loving someone and accepting their decisions. You can ask any parent out there about loving someone even when they make decisions that you cannot agree with. I am very grateful that I serve a God that loves me unconditionally, I cannot imagine that emptiness I would feel if that love was only attained by works. I am not worthy of his love nor will I ever be worthy of it. That is only one of the best things about our Maker. This is a blog is something that I have been really studying about, praying about and thinking about lately. I love God so much that I will do whatever it takes to proclaim to everyone i meet not in words but in deeds. Jesus loved prostitutes, thieves, tax collectors and the lame. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. Kris

Small victory

For the last few months I have had to adjust my exercise routine. Before this so called "winter" i went on walks at a close by park. It has a nice walking path and it has three shelter houses on the path...this is all background and will be important later I promise. When it got cold I decided that taking a break would be a poor life choice and would make it increasingly more difficult to start up once again. So I made a playlist of line dances and did a dance regimne for 30 minutes with a warm up and warm down. Now that it has now been in the 60s, I decided to start my walks again. The last time I walked I could only make it to the second of three shelter house. As I started out I told myself that since I hadn't done this in awhile that the second shelter house would be my goal. I started out and soon it was clear that I was walking against the wind. A normal person would have been: angry, defeated or gave an excuse of some kind. However I am not normal as you already know!!! My first reaction was laughter and then prayer. I thanked for laughter and asked him to use this as a learning tool. I not only walked against the wind but I made it all the way to the last shelter...which is about three miles from my house to the end of the path and back. I was so excited to see that shelter that I nearly cried. I thanked God for getting me there and that on the way home to show me a few signs just for fun. I started out and put my iPod on shuffle and heard these lyrics: "we should get jerseys cause we make a good team!" Could not help but smile the entire way home.

Reaching that last shrelter was not only a small victory for me physically but also a good prayer life boost and lesson in facing challenges head on. Do hard things.

He is so good...just doesn't say it

Veggie Tales, Purity Rings and a Busy schedule

A story of how God looked at my schedule and laughed, as he usually does.

I was having a pretty busy day and had a lot of errands to do. I needed to find a Veggie Tale to show on Sunday so i decided to call a local video store and see what they had. I had a conversation with a girl who worked there and was immediately dissapointed that they didn't have the movie i was specificially looking for. The girl on the phone said that if i came in she would take me through some movies that she believed would work just as well. I hung up the phone and thought that maybe i could squeeze a trip to the movie store in. I guess. I went and walked straight to the " free kids movies" and starting hurriedly looking through them. She walked up and asked if i was the girl on the phone looking for Veggie Tales. We ended up on this conversation:

"Jonah is my personal favorite" girl
"Yeah, i like that one but they have seen it already" me
"Can i ask you a personal question?" girl
"You sure can" me (thinking: sure, cause we've known each other for five minutes)
"*pointing at my ring* is that purity or promise?" girl
"Oh, that's my purity ring" me
"Wow. *points to her matching ring* Mine too. It's very rare to meet anyone "these days" willing to wait for the right one...it's refreshing to know i'm not alone" girl

Then we had a pretty great conversation. Was i looking for a conversation at the video store about faith and purity? Ummm, no but God wanted to remind me of all the little moments he provides us to show glimpses of his goodness.

Faith in people restored :)

Okay so it's time for some honesty...but really when am i not honest, right? Lately i have really struggled with our society. You pick up a magazine or newspaper (yes people actually read these OUTSIDE of the internet) and it's just filth: murder, betrayal, cheating spouses, children missing...it makes me want to cry. Most people may not have this reaction but I pray to never be sensitized to such sad and hurting people. Truly. So lately I have really been praying that God would help me to see the good not only in the blessings he gives to me but in the people around me.

God answered my prayers this weekend. I was unable to get my youth to go to an annual conferance so I actually asked the band that plays to come to my church for a concert and to play at our services. Thankfully, they had an opening. This weekend I met four people from ages 20 - 29 who not only love Jesus but gave up a year to travel around this region of our country to reach out and tell others about Him. This was what I had been praying about. There are great people out there. People who have hearts of gold and who live for Jesus and not for money, fame or anything else that will never last.

You will never see these stories on the eleven o'clock news but this just in "Kris Locker's faith in people has been restored" and if you ask this author (the one who writes this blog): THAT IS NEWS WORTHY!

God be praised for he is good...even when the world isn't and we feel alone. Last night God spoke to me in a way that God usually does which is through a youth event :)! We were playing this game with yard which demonstrated how Christians work together (sooooo good by the way) and we were given yarn to wear around our wrist to remind us that we are not alone (and yes i am totally fighting the urge to sing Micheal Jackson's song right now) and that is something God has been trying to tell me for a few months now.

Did i mention how much i love Jesus?
cause it's A LOT

Thanks for reading,
Kris :)

money is stupid

Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Acts 20:35
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

Lately I have been really struggling with money and how much emphasis it gets. I love my job and am content with it but still struggle to barely make enough money to pay off my bills. In the upcoming months I also get the pleasure of starting to pay off student loans. I know that God will provide but sometimes I wonder how if i will ever get out the money hamster wheel. I make money to spend it and it seems the more i make the more people want some more money.

God is good and always has provided and that is what I need to focus on. I have found the verses above and am meditating on them.

"If HIS grace is an ocean, we're all sinking" -How He Loves Us

new person

This morning I found myself thinking like a parent. I was in a planning meeting for work and was scheduling around when my brother would get out of school, or his cub scout meetings, etc. When did that happen? It truly feels like yesterday I was working at a job i hated and that stressed me out and was running around with my 20-ish aged friends, driving to Flint and getting back way too late, walking around downtown GR or taking a road trip to Chicago to visit Heidi and then off to see my fave asian girl :) Now here I am cleaning the house, cooking dinner and making sure homework is done before dinner. Who have i become? I'm not saying that I don't love my new life, I actually do and i think that is scarier than not loving it. What i didn't love was my full time job with the pile of bills.

I never thought i would be the girl who dreamed of being a housewife but truly that would be okay with me. I work at a job that I love more than anything. It provides me with a comfortable paycheck. I have two guys who love me very much and are very supportive...my dad and brother and they are so awesome. I have a job that sends me to camp during the summer to be a youth pastor and hang out with the kids. I get to plan, organize, teach and be around children of all ages. Did i mention that i love my job? I haven't loved anything this much since i was student teaching in the special education classroom. I sometimes wonder if i'll ever teach and to be honest even if i don't i know that what i went through during my college years will have prepared me for life now.

I have to say that although it seems like i have gained a lot more responsibility that I have never been more self seeking than this year. It's always been about my family, my friends, my classes, my jobs and my bills before. Did you catch all of the "my's" in there? Yeah, so did this girl. I am not so me focused. I use the money God has given me to contribute as a team in this household. I know that when i came here it was with the intent to save up and pay off my school bill but i have gained so much more in learning to stop thinking about me and thinking more community. God will use that to bless some guy one day.

God is good and he takes my breath away every day just to think about where he has taken me from that confused and scare girls back in August who climbed in a car headed back to Ohio to live with her dad while unemployed, single and leaving all of her friends behind in Michigan...and he shall be praised.

Love you & asking for continued prayers,
Kris

another slice of humble pie (another one bites the dust)

It has become apparent to me that for whatever reason this is the place God wants me for awhile. Not to say that I don't fully trust God but sometimes i wonder why he had to pluck me out of the only Christian community i've known and fallen in love with. However I know that God is GOD and knows how to run my life a lot better than I.

I went to the DMV to take the written test to get my Ohio license...easy enough, right? WRONG! I failed the test. It has been ten years since I had taken a written driving test. I drive out of experience and not out of a list of rules I memorized. However here's the kicker I did not fail because I didn't know how to merge into on coming traffic or know what a yeilding sign looks like. That would be one thing but i failed because of my lack of knowledge of drugs and alcohol usage while behind the wheel? Seriously? I thought this was a good thing. I don't know how many hours you spend in jail after driving intoxicated because I tend to just avoid that instance altogether. I also don't know how many days in jail you spent if they find a used needle in your car. I never thought i'd ever need to know these things. Life is funny and sad at the same time.

I am re taking said test on Saturday. They gave me a booklet to review until then. I feel like i'm back in Drivers Ed all over again. This is insane really. The best way I can describe it is this: Imagine you walked into your ten year high school anniversary. You walk in and they give you a number two pencil and tell you to have a seat because you have to take an exam to prove you earned your high school diploma. They assure you that your diploma cannot be taken away but they would like to see if you are still capable of having your diploma. So you sit down and take the test and most of the questions are things that you do so naturally that you don't know how or why you do them. This is what it felt like. I know how to drive i've been doing so for ten years and have never been pulled over, or even gotten into an accident.

Since August God has provided me a few moments in which i call "slice of humble pie" moments. These are times that I need a good 'ol humility lesson. To be honest I'm ready to start eating something other than humble pie but since I am not the master chef I will eat what is put out in front of me. He knows how much pie I need and although I think i've had my fill, I will continue to praise him through it all.

He is my everything. My only thing.

Bring on the pie.
Kris :)

transitions and blessings overflowing

God has done a number in my life. Recently I have been reflecting over where God has taken me and the decisions i have made time and again to drop everything and follow him. In the last two years I have declined a job teaching in Honduras (which was MY dream and not His will), moved to Grand Rapids with friends and work in daycare centers- a room of toddlers is not my ideal job-, and then move away from everyone i know and love and reconnect with my family in Ohio. It has been a crazy road but God is proving how much he truly loves me. Not that i doubt his love but sometimes I wonder if he got distracted and forgot about my needs. It's ridiculous to think that but I am human and I do worry.

Right now I am acting as a housewife but i call it house-daughter. I have a part time job ***more of that later*** and during the day I take care of the house ie. laundry, dishes, cleaning areas of the house, and cooking dinner and take care of the family dog. Twice and week and every other weekend I pick up and drop off my little brother at his mom's home. It scares me how much I actually enjoy doing this. I love my family and love to sit down as a family (even if that is only my dad and me) at dinner and have conversations about the day, beliefs, whatever. I never pictured myself as a "house wife" but could see it happen someday. Never thought i'd ever say that. I also find it hilarious how attached I am getting to the family dog. She is a family member for sure. I have always loved dogs but she is the last dog i would have ever picked given a choice. She is half Pomeranian and half Poodle. She's a girlie dog and it took some time but she has grown on me.

Okay so the job. I am the Director of Christian Education and Youth at a Lutheran church. Its a long title but basically I oversee all teachings and curriculum in the church and am an active leader in the youth. I organize things like youth services, youth outings, membership classes, baptism classes, and the Christmas pageant. This is a part time and primarily I am only at the church on Wednesday nights and Sundays mornings. I have met with the pastor a few times and he has a great sense of humor and is so helpful while I'm transiting into this position. I have met a few of the junior highers on Wednesday night. I look forward to what God has. This job is a blessing. Not only is in Education but it's a ministry that I am getting paid for. It's not much but it is sufficient enough to pay my monthly bills and that is all i need.

I know this is long so if you skipped to the end here are the highlights I got a job and I'm married!

Much love and prayers for you,
Kris

my thoughts on Polygamy!

For me polygamy has always been a joke. Not the lifestyle but just a blonde joke. When i was in high school there was a blonde sitting next to me in history class reading and she leans over to me and says "Why is there math in here? Why are they talking about poly-gamy? Is that like a octogon?" Yeah, that happened.

I tend to think that I am an open minded person. I've seen shows about the towns of polygamist families who dress like Amish and have teen brides. However lately i've started exploring a show on TLC called "Sister Wives". It's a very intriguing show I must admit. I think that like most 'alternative lifestyles' we should treat them as people and as God's creations. They need to see that their are people to love them even if they do not believe their lifestyle. They don't need people to criticize, or judge. They need love which is ironic since these people are all about love!

This is no way of saying that I am interested in polygamy. I struggle with sharing my food; so there is no way I would ever be able to share a husband. I've never been in a committed relationship but I do know that I wouldn't ever want another woman stealing his attention and especially not having their children. This is not me judging their lifestyle but stating my opinion.

Interesting: There was a point in the show when Meri "the first wife" was dealing with jealous as Kody (the lucky guy with four wives) was planning the wedding for his fourth wife. She told him that he should picture her being around another man and that man getting ready to move in with them. Kody became disgusted with the thought of another man in their world and he even stated that he would not be able to work with that. I found this very interesting.

:) My thoughts/ ramblings!
Kris

unemployment

Unemployment

I have been unemployed since August 5. This is the longest I have gone without a job since I was sixteen years old. I have had one interview so far. To be honest this whole experience has been a thanksgiving meal of humble pie. I knew that moving here would not be easy and that I would learn a huge lesson in depending on someone other than myself.

It’s not as if I haven’t tried to get a job. I have applied to so many jobs that I have memorized my references and the important information. I have spent the last month working off my last paycheck. The only expenses have been to pitch in with groceries and gas here and there.

Lately I haven’t been able to sleep. Also I am so stressed out about upcoming bills that I have knots in my stomach. I know what the bible says about worrying but since I have no life I tend to just sit around thinking about the thing I shouldn’t be worrying about. Also, not having a car to get away makes it quite difficult.

I found some quotes about unemployment:
**It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own. -Harry S Truman **
**A man willing to work, and unable to find work, is perhaps the saddest sight that fortune's inequality exhibits under this sun. -Thomas Carlyle**

There are many who enjoy being unemployed. I am not one of these people. I have always worked in order to contribute. When I lived in GR I was unemployed for a month and I thought I’d lose my mind. I think the most difficult part is not having a community of believers. Yes, I’ve met a few people here and there but no community. Not like when I lived in Michigan and had a community at school, camp, and when I lived in Grand Rapids. It will take time to get a community here and I believe that God has control of my life.

farwell Michigan

It feels like only yesterday I was praying about what God wanted me to do and where he wanted me. Michigan or Ohio? When should I stop working at my current job?

Here I am on the morning of my move. I cannot wait to start my new chapter. The chapter of living with dad and being closer to my family. However right now I'd like to reflect on the amazing things I have learned and gone through this year. This has been a year full of tears, laughter, late nights and long eight hour shift. A year of new relationship, working through some relationships and ending some relationships which needed it. I have learned more in this year alone than many others combined. This year has been phenomenal, dramatic, confusing and above all such a fantastic learning experience. I am so grateful for the last year of my life.

God has taught me so much and I pray everyday that I can use this knowledge to help my future relationships (whether friendship or otherwise). He has taught me about the importance of relationships with women and how to guard my heart with my friendships with men. He has taught me to see the light in every darkened room. He has been there through all of the fantastic days of running around town with friends and has been there when I come home in tears because of something my boss said or because of my class being crazy.

He is so good.
He's so good to me.

Kris

Two Week Notice

My life changes so fast and it's something i've come accustomed to however not everyone is used to this. My life is crazy and that's fine. So my car died and not just wouldn't start but died died. So this means that I have to bum rides to work for awhile. This helped shape my decision and prayers to know when i would be done at work. I will be moving to Ohio on August 5th. Not on the 31st like previously planned. This is a bit earlier but the good news is that I will be back on the third weekend of August to celebrate the marriage of Nick and Laura. (for those who don't know Laura was my freshmen roommate) :D.

So I have two weeks to finish up work, pack everything and spend some time with those I love so much. I am so excited and yet know how much I will miss everyone.

My life is so crazy but I love it.

Tomboy trapped in a girl's body?

I am a tomboy through and through. I eat steak, love comedy and action movies, and enjoy watching tv shows such as "Deadliest Catch". I enjoy the company of guys not because I want to flirt but because they are who I relate to the most. For the most part I usually feel like one of the guys. There are times that something happens that catches me by surprise.

I was called cute but a close guy friend. He didn't go out of his way to say that he thought I was cute but told a friend that he was going to a movie with a girl who was cute. It was in no way a date. Just a movie with a close friend. Still no one has ever called me cute, especially not with me in ear shot. I didn't get girlie and get butterflies in my stomach or start blushing but it was nice to hear and it definitely brought a smile to my face.

I'm a girl in the way that i love compliment. That will never change. Sometimes being a girl isn't as scary as most tomboys think. Am a girl trapped in a tomboy's body OR a tomboy trapped in a girl's body?!?