Followers

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I'm in love and i don't care you knows it...

So i am in love. Love is a word that is tossed around a lot and the meaning of the word is just as much. I love puppies but hate cats...that kinda stuff. But this is love, true love. Authentic love. It's for real. Before i get into the details that every girl wants to know like who, how we met, etc. Let me show i know i am in love.

Here are something I've been told that you KNOW you're in love:
-You can't stop smiling when you think about him
-You hear his name and have to smile
-You want to spend every waking moment with him
-He is the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about when you go to bed.

I think it's safe to say that i am in love. We met when i was 13 but didn't truly understand his love until i gave up drinking and partying when i was 18. I was introduced by a friend. He patiently waited for me to try some other things first and then ran to his open arms. He loves me. The thing about this love is that i want to share his love with others.

Now before you freak out, i am in love with JESUS. Stop shaking your head and think about it. Jesus should be our first love. We should love him more than that cute guy in your class or at work. I cannot stop smiling when i hear his name and when i wake up in the morning i start it with prayer and exclaiming how much i love him. We should love him passionately.

I hope that today you see how much love he has given and his love is a gift that keeps on giving. Show the love of Jesus everyday.

I love him. He is all i need.
Kris

P.S. single hood isn't a disease...just so you know!

Friday, November 27, 2009

i surrender ALL...

SO time for an update on here. I'm not sure anyone even reads this but i like getting it down anyway! I could just forfeit the online journal and stick to my personal journal but i like doing so...I'm a-gonna :)

After many tears and prayers God delivered me from my emotions and feelings and i can honestly say i am finally over that hurdle. I won't say what the hurdle was (that is what the personal journal is actually for) but i will say that i was an emotional wreck for quite some time. I am not regretful of the situation because God taught me so much about myself and more importantly about HIS character through the situation. I can honestly say i have surrendered it to God and the feelings and emotions that were once so closely connected to said hurdle are gone. This is relieving and amazing. I have told a few friends before that i was "over it" and they and i both knew i wasn't but this time i truly, truly am. I know not that what i desired so badly was not what God had in store for me and looking back i am amazed that i ever was like that. A little bit ashamed but stronger for the experience.

I am so blessed right now. I am still broken at the foot of the cross. I am full of a joy that i haven't felt since i first abandoned a life of selfishness and let GOD take over my entire life. It's a joy that is full of brokenness. There is a just a point that you get so broken that you cannot do anything but follow Jesus and there is just immense joy in that. I know it's sound incredibly backward to be so joyful and broken but that's the beauty of grace. You truly don't appreciate grace until you are a place where you need it and see how beautiful it truly is. I am constantly in awe of our creator. It's so hard not to be. He is the creator of the universe and he still cares for a girl who is constantly messing in the same cycle she's done for the last four or five years. Each day is truly a gift and i was taking that for granted, like i always do. I believe in the beauty in the small things. Each day is one to bring the King of king glory and honor for who he is and what he's done. I was praying one day and came to the realization that i used the phrase "I'm giving it to you" but don't actually believe it. I would give it to him and then a few minutes later ask how that situation is going. Let go of it and LET GOD.

Seriously, though i feel so blessed and loved. Living alone is not as hard as i thought it would be. I am getting to know people my own age thanks to my church. I am learning the ropes of education with each passing day. I am learning to take everything one day at a time and to FULLY trust God with everything.

That's my life.
Thanks for reading...

Monday, November 16, 2009

update on me!

I have many things to update on. I have been learning oh so much lately. I don't know why but whenever i am at camp i don't only hear from God but i feel like he's in a loud and booming voice and the minute i go home or away and it's a faint whisper and i need to search him out. I love it here.

God is teaching me to let go. There is something i was sure i was ready for in my life and God told me no for a few months and i constantly was trying to prove how i could handle it. Eventually i gave in to his answer and am seeing how weak without him. Although this thing felt so right i was told no and i have to let it go and move on. As soon as i gave it up i was convicted of the men in my life and how i act around them and set up boundries for my emotions and for appearances of evil. So, if you are a close male friend in my life and it seems like i'm pulling away or acting strange it's because i am. I'm guarding myself and serving my husband. God and i spent a few nights chatting and diving into his words about pure living and being a light of his. My husband deserves all of my heart, whenever/if ever i meet him, i don't want to give him whatever is left of my heart. It's something i feel very strongly about. And so does Jesus.

I am being called to be a SMT Coordinator once again. I remember telling God that i would do anything at camp but i didn't feel comfortable working with high schoolers. Even as a counselor i volunteered for specialty camps senior high week. Well two years ago i volunteered *sign?* to help D Wag with the program and then when he got sick and hospitalized it feel upon my lap and last year Mike and I headed it up together. God is hilarious with my comfort zone. Well he recently told me he wants me to return and i told him that i will go where he calls and that i will trust him to bring the person to help with the program. (having talked to Mike who said he was done with camp) Then this weekend Mike told me during the meeting -where i got caught for talking- that he was going to come back for the summer. God is so good.

Okay so to the teaching thing. On Friday i said goodbye to my second grade class and it was a bit sad but a part of me was ready to move on. Today with great excitement and equally nervousness: I walked into a elementary special edu room. I have to tell you i absolutely loved every minutes of it. If that isn't a sign that it's what i was put on this earth to do...i don't know what is. I light up when working with a struggling student. I love hearing them reading and helping them out. I love it, love it, LOVE IT! Not to say i didn't like my second grade room but this is what i've studied for the last four years and what my passion lies. I seriously loved it. I got to go into a few classrooms to help out during reading times or those who missed their recess to do their missing work. I love that too. Oh and my teacher is amazing. He is laid back and so much fun. He plays with the kids and they respect him so much. We are planning on sledding party for my goodbye party and the kids have to earn it by learning 12-13 spelling lists which is part of their goals for the year. The kids were so psyched about it and it'll be great to have them out at camp experiencing the tubing hill :0)

How's that for an update?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

small group

I am in a small group and i'll have to say it's nice to be in a group of people my age. I think only one of the group members is in college...everyone else is a graduate and is working or trying to figure out the next step. Yep, that's right everything isn't figured out just because you walk across that stage and accept that particular finish line. Anyways so i really prayed if this was something i was supposed to do and not something to do because i want to know people my age. There's nothing wrong with knowing people in the same place in life i am but i wanted it to God's direction in my life. I signed up and told D-Wag the minute people start paring off, I'm out! We were assured that isn't one of "those" single groups...but a group of singles wanting to learn how to serve God as a single. So, anyways we were studying discipleship and came to a perplexing verse and discussed it at length..the best we can.

I am for sure no biblical scholar but here is my interpretation of what Jesus is saying here.
Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

We discussed the harsh language and how confusing it seems knowing that Jesus is a loving God. He IS love and yet tells us to hate our family. It seems crazy, right? well first of all who said Jesus wasn't a little bit crazy? Seriously, look at this guy! Here are my thoughts on the verses and i'm going to continue to dig into it deeper. My inital thought when reading the verse was that Jesus wants the real you. He doens't want someone coming up saying, "Yeah. I love everyone." That's not real: nobody loves everyone...we are sinners. We fight with our family, we get angry. It's who we are. Then after discussing it further i came to another realization. You have to look at the audience that Jesus is talking to. Back then dropping your job and following some crazed Messiah wasn't just giving up a paycheck and stability. Back then your family defined what you did. If you were a fisherman it wasn't because you loved to do it as a boy and decided to pursue it, it was because your dad was a fisherman and your grandfather, your great-grandfather, etc. It was what your family did and you were the one who followed what they did. To give up your job was to say to your family i dont care about genealogy or family importance i'm giving it all up to follow this guy named Jesus basicly because he asked me to follow him.

I still want to look into this verse deeper. These are my thoughts. Also i was talking about how some of my family thinks i've joined a cult and we discussed how the root of cult comes from culture and how Christianity is a counter-culture thing. So i am a proud member or a counter-culture cult :0)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

ding dong the car is dead...

So my chapter of my first car has offically ended. We had quite the adventure together. The irony of it was that at church today we were talking about how rich America is compared to the rest of the world and i was amazed at the statistic that there are only 8% of people in the world who own a car. Little did i know that less than an hour later i would join the 92% who didn't. Even though this is sad i am so grateful to not be hurt and when Duane picked me up he says "you got a good story" and it's so true. She was a drama queen my Lilly, my first car.

I got to church and my car was acting funny...driving a little warm but that's nothing new. This week each day something else went wrong.
Monday: left turning signal went out
Tuesday: interior lights and "door ajar" would stay on until a mile down the road
Wednesday: gages would jump while driving
Thursday: going through gas more severely than usual
Friday: radio was going in and out

So it was acting funny and that's how she was...she was temperamental and moody. She was after all my drama queen car! *keep in mind this all happened within a minute but seemed like an hour* So after church i was driving down mackinaw trail and she started shaking violently. She usually shakes if driven above 70 MPH but this was the whole thing and worse then ever before, nothing like i've ever experienced! Then there entire car was a huge cloud of smoke...i couldn't tell where it was coming from. I started to pull over and as i got just off the road she died. I parked it and turned it off and got out of the car. I grabbed my cell phone and threw it in my pocket. Praising God at the last minute i grabbed it before heading out the door. I then popped the hood to get a look to where the smoke was coming. It was everywhere and then i saw a bunch of smoke come from underneath the car. I looked and there was this huge flame just behind the tire. I took a deep breathe and praise God again that i had an "emergency 2 liter of water" in my car. I took it out and put the flame out. I took out my phone and called Duane to come and pick me up.

I texted my mom, "Car is R.I.P. I'll call you when i get back". This car has been a religious experience. I've prayed more in this car than anywhere else. Every time it started was a miracle that i had another day as a driver. Today God spared me...it sucks but it could have been SO MUCH WORSE. Seriously. It was a nice adventure that Lilly and i had. My mom feels terrible that i put so much money into something so not worth it. However how on earth would she have know? It's a good story...

So now i'm back to borrowing cars and being blessed by how amazing the friends God placed in my life. So if you have anyone who wants to get rid of a car :) or a cheap car that i can afford in like five years...:)! Above all i need prayers. God has this situation under control...completely!