Odd Place

I'm in a very odd place right now. I really don't know that i even have the words to express what i'm going through right now. No words so they are definitely not eloquent or even something anyone could understand. Especially since I don't have the capacity to understand it. I feel empty and numb. I just feel bleh.

Yesterday was a great day...i truly was. However there are times that even with a huge group of people i feel that i will never fit in. I don't have that group of people in which i belong. I'll always be that new kid who doesn't find the place. I feel like this at work, visiting friends and even at church. I feel misunderstood and disassociated. I'm just in an odd place. I know what most of you are already thinking, "give it time and let God take control". The more i pray about this the more God tells me to wait. He doesn't want met to be involved in things or pursue things he wants me to wait. If there is anything i fail at constantly it's waiting on God. I fail in this over and over again. However I listen to him because i know better! I've done this before with him. I want them to know the one i fall in love with everyday!

I feel burdened for my family. I know the peace that comes from knowing and following Jesus. When i think about them not knowing him it breaks my heart in half. Today in church i was struck by this and it was like lightning. I couldn't move all i could do was pray. I couldn't speak or even think clearly. I wasn't myself because I am just so overwhelmed with this. I want them to know him so badly and just don't know what to do next. I pray and will continue to pray for them. I want nothing more than for them to know HIM. I want them to meet and accept the very person who is responsible for my life bringing me past myself pride and to a better place.

Today the sermon was about invited others in. It hit me that when i was 13 i was invited to GR to go to a drama skit night and that is where i met Jesus. I met him in GR over ten years ago and here I am living here for his unknown purpose. He has taken me so far and yet we have such a long journey ahead of us. I was headed down a path of self destruction and he saved me. He saved my life. All because a young right out of college youth pastor stopped by my house and asked me to go to GR with him for a few hours.

Pray.Love.Pray.Love (my goal in waiting)
:)
Kris

The New Kid...

I am having a pretty hard time right now. I feel like i don't know anyone. I don't have a group of people i hang out with. I know a lot of people in Grand Rapids but don't have that core group of people that I run to or hang out with. I know it's only been a month but it just kinda sucks to be honest. I mean it's not like i have a ton of time to just go and meet people. I work two jobs and when i'm not there i'm a lazy bones in my apartment. I don't want to talk or move after work much less go and meet people. I mean other than my roommates I have Nate. Not to say that those people aren't amazing and mean a lot to me...because OF COURSE THEY DO i just would like to know other people.

My whole life I've always felt like i've never fit in. I've always been that new kid who is obviously different. I feel that way at both of my jobs even though i'm not the only "newbie". I hate feeling left out or even outside of the one who "know what in the world is going on". I'm pretty frustrated with it right now.

In other news, Nate and I visited this church close to his house. It was really awesome. I love the pastor and it has an amazing college/post college group to get connected to. I really like it a lot. This gives me hope that i could potentially get to know someone that i didn't know when i moved to GR. I don't want to be the girl who only hangs around camp people. I love camp people but am over being a camp person. I'm starting down a new path...a full time working path; a living in Grand Rapids path. Camp will always be a part of who i am but it is not WHO i am. It makes sense to me.

these are my thoughts but mostly frustrations.
Kris :)

Working Woman...well soon i will be.

The transition has been difficult for me. It's also difficult to not be doing anything. Starting on Sunday my crazy working schedule begins. As far as classes it'll take like an hour at most each night just to get online and discuss on each class. I have visited a lot of people this week and have thoroughly enjoyed the down time. I have done whatever i can around the apartment to pitch in and help out. I help out a lot in the kitchen, we all do our part. I just feel like if i'm not doing anything I should at least be helping around the apartment.

On Sunday i am serving at the country club for the first time and on Tuesday i start a 40-hour work week at the daycare. I should be hearing from Chuck E Cheese by Monday on when i start training there. I am excited to be working again and with kids. I also am excited to one again have money. It seems everyone wants to continually ask me for money. Yep...good times.

In other news it's awesome to have some of my closest friends in the same town in which i live but feel that once my schedule kicks in i will have to work really hard to even talk to them. Luckily, I have a cell phone to help with that problem. I also am kinda getting tired of people talking about how hard it will be to juggle three jobs. I would love some support or encouragement here.