re-birth-day

My birthday is very special to me. Not only because my friends stop what they are doing and wish me a happy birthday and buy me gifts (which i'd be happy with the greeting and quality time). My birthday is special because it was the day that God changed my life.

Flashback:
The year was 2002 and i was turning 18. I had been attending church and was a "christian" since 13. This meant that I did whatever i wanted and then on Sunday put on my best smile and recited verses and talked about how wonderful Jesus was and how much I need him. However things changed when the summer before my birthday a youth pastor who just recently graduated from Pensecola challenged me to pause once a day and read my bible. I did it faithfully since. Which brings you to my birthday. A very drunk Kris laid on her bed and opened the bible out of habit. I stopped and said to myself, "this isn't right" it just isn't right. I heard this voice whisper "You can't have both lives. It's yours or mine". Right then and there i decided to give my life truly to God and live for him no matter the cost. I had no idea what that meant and certainly had never seen it but I made my decision. I wrote down on a peice of paper to write an excuse list and passed out. The next day i sat my mom down and explained that i was no longer going to live the partying lifestyle and that I needed her to lie to my friends. Even as a very young Chistian i knew that telling my friends i could no longer be around them because i was now a Christian was a terrible witness to them. I knew Jesus would want better. If you know me you know I am an honest person, so my mom lied every weekend. Now, if you are wondering why i had to sacrifice my friendships that's a great thing to wonder. My friends and I were not people who would drink because it was a birthday or graudation. We drank every weekend and soon it was nearly every night. We didn't have anything to celebrate other than loving to drink. So saying that I wasn't going to drink was like saying I didn't want anything to do with them.

Through the power of Christ and HIM alone I quit drinking and smoking. I have not since my 18th birthday, Feb. 19th, 2002 touched a cigerette and the first time I picked up a drink was on my 21st birthday or shortly afterward. I picked up a strawberry daquari and said "this tastes funny" and wasn't a fan. THAT IS THE POWER OF JESUS. Only he would make something once so delicious not as desirable.

All this background to say that i love my birthday. It's a day for me to remember that Jesus gave me 18 years and I controlled it and failed EPICLY. Then I gave him control and he is doing a much better job if i may so say myself. So tomorrow is not just the day that Kris Locker came into the world but it's also marks the day that Jesus called me out and pulled me out of my own way to bring HIM glory.

He had done so much in the last nine years. He has brought wonderful people in my life, taken some amazing people from me to be with him for eternity, asked me to walk away from other wonderful friends, and picked me up several times after being hurt and dissapointed. He also healed my heart and reunited me with my father. A relationship i shall never regret.

GOD IS GOOD. HE WILL BE PRAISED.
So if you think of me on my birthday praise God for my birthday. And for kicks wish me a happy re-birth-day. I know it sounds cheesy but hey that is me in a nutshell.
not a literal one cause i'm afraid of enclosed places.

love, Kris!

SURPRISE!

So this week was an awful and long week at work. Then on Saturday i picked up an extra shift for babysitting and that was fine. However on the way home my car pretty close to died. Let me just say i wasn't in the best of moods. I called my mom and Alissa crying about how much my life sucks and they calmed me down. I was supposed to go to Alissa's to check out her new place and part of me didn't even want to do that. Well i got there and something was off. I kept seeing familiar cars and there were a lot of shoes by the front door. I walked in the living room and SURPRISE!!!! It was full of about 20 of my closest friends and my family! I was so overwhelmed I started crying. The first person i saw was Brijette so i hugged her and then didn't know what to do so i hugged her again. I made it to my mom and made her cry, then hugged my brother and excused myself out of the room to find a kleenex. It mean more to me than words could possibly describe. We had pizza, cake/ brownies (and they were Kris Locker friendly too!!!) and played games. Each one took the time to stop and talk to me. They made me laugh and remember that there are people in my life who love me and make me feel appreciated. I have not felt appreciated or loved this past week and it was a great reminder. Throughout the night i was constantly reminded of how blessed I am. I have a family who will travel almost two hours to celebrate my birthday with my crazy friends. Friends who will make plans and drop what they are doing to spend time with me. I also have people in my life who will stop whatever they are doing and make me laugh. There was much laughing and that is a remedy that was needed.

It was a great night. Words cannot express how grateful I am for the people in my life. I am stupid blessed right now. Yep, stupid blessed.

careers

The past month has been a blur. I feel as though all i do is work all week and occasionally on the weekend after much sleep visit friends. I love what i do however who i work for has become draining and overwhelming. The company itself isn't bad but most days i feel as though they are just waiting for me to do something wrong that they can jump on me for. No one around me is happy and i feel stressed all the time. I don't make enough to pay all of my bills, my car is guzzling gas like a college frat boy at a party. All in all I haven't slept well which makes me even more exhausted and grumpy. Don't get me wrong God is amazing and has blessed my life. Don't read this thinking this is a pity party for Kris because i don't do that. I stick through things and look for opportunities. I'm simply venting on my blog, which let's be honest, i'm not all that certain a whole lot of people read! I really don't care to be honest (again) because writing is a destressor of mine.

So last Sunday something amazing happened. For the first time since August i went to church alone. I usually go with my roommate but she was singing in the service and i had no idea where she was sitting so i found a seat in the back and sat there. I became so overwhelmed with life during the worship time that i stopped singing. Partly because i was chocking back the "I know I should trust you tears" and partly because I could feel God wanted a moment with me. Right then and there he told me that he had this situation under control and that I needed to talk to Alissa. I took in a deep breathe and began to sing once again. The sermon talked about guarding your heart and how you need to give your best energy. He said at one point that you need to choose who gets your best energy because if you don't someone will choose for you. This was something I prayed about all week and work got it everyday this week. It's something to work on because my friends and family deserve more of my energy then i have given them lately.

So back to God telling me to call Alissa. I love her with all my heart but my first thought was that she was going to be busy and that i would at least leave her a voicemail. Sunday is a busy day for most of my friends. Well God is in control and not me so i called her on my way home from church and she picked up to my surprise. I told her about worship and my discontented heart and my job. I asked her to be in prayer with me about this. She prayed over me on the phone about looking at my job as a ministry and seeking other opportunities. On Monday i recieved a text that there was an opening someone and i am seeking God's decision for that job.

All that to say: GOD BE PRAISED. He leads and i follow. I don't hesitate or think about it. I just do it. He is far better at running my life than i am. I know i've tried. This week was a long week at work. The kids were awful and there were a lot of staff changes and such. However God got me through it. I prayed a lot, cried a lot, and read his word a lot. I also encouraged co-workers, made them laugh and smile when they needed it the most, and even read my bible during my break which started up some conversations. God is good and if that's what i needed to learn through this experience then it was totally worth it.

Long winded and tired,
Kris :D