submissions and servanthood

Camp is done and it's always hard for me. Hard to see so many people I lived with two months go but this year is harder for than any other one. Usually i would be up here for a few rentals and then off to my life. My life of school work, living with my roommate (who i loved living with cause we worked so great together), and being involved on campus...that is not happening this year. I am staying here. Slowly people are leaving and telling me about what the fall holds for them. Don't get me wrong this is not a "woe is me". I am blessed beyond what i can understand right now.

I have a place to live, a place that i love and a place i can call home. I have to honestly say i don't think i've ever had a place i could call home. I've either lived at school, or with my mom's boyfriend (whichever one it was at the time). I am so pumped to have a place to call home and to feel wanted and loved.

Okay back to the summer. This summer for me was very hard but by the end of the summer i was astounded by how much i had grown in my walk with Christ. It's hard to believe anyone can grow that much. Only few people knew my internal struggle all summer. I cried a lot, prayed a lot and leaned on JESUS to fulfill all my needs. He began to teach me about submission and servant hood. Prior to camp he taught me the beauty of the unknown service and the little things we do to serve others. Whether that would be a little note or picking up trash so the next person wouldn't have to. At camp he taught me what being joyful always really truly means and how to submit to doing something even if it's not how i felt. So every time i made a copy, refilled the clipboards at the waterfront, wrote down a list for the SMTs or even grabbed an extra cookie for someone it was an act of service to Jesus. He taught me a lot about laying aside my wants and desires and following after him. Laying down what i think is right for me and allowing him to take control.

I have no clue wh at this next year hold and for me there is nothing more thrilling. When you have nothing and no clue where you're going you have no choice but to follow him with your whole body, soul, mind and being. NO CHOICE.

So to those of you who worked with me this summer thanks for allowing me to serve you and for letting me see God's character in you. God is so amazing and i love you all so much more than i could ever begin to describe. I am here if you ever need to talk or have something you want me to pray about.

Kris

a day off....time to update!

I have the day off so I’m sitting in Cadillac, Mi at one of my fave coffee shops: drinking coffee and chilling. I have been here since about 12:30 and am nowhere near ready to leave yet. I love that feeling. The non-rushed feeling. There are a variety of thoughts bouncing around this head of mine. I’ll try to somehow organize them cause well that’s who I am. I am organized girl even on my day off :0)

Let’s start with camp and how I am so incredibly blessed. God has been teaching me how to each day is a new start and how to trust him in EVERYTHING. That the little things he had me give up in the school year has just flowed into the big things I need to trust him with such as relationships (or lack thereof) and finances and basically the future. He has been so good to me. Part of me fears that I will wake up and realize it’s all a dream and that at the end of the summer I have to move back home *that would be a nightmare friends*. I know that is crap and I tell Satan that he is a jerk and that God’s plans are so much bigger and better than my own. HE is so good.

On to God lessons. Last Sunday I was in church and Pastor Jack was speaking on emotional baggage and how we have to let it go. This hit me two fold.

First of all I was holding on to my baggage and using it as an excuse to not date or want to date. I must admit I’ve often thought about dating but the fear of having to open up to another person about my past baggage and my family scares the crap out of me and I don’t want to be that vulnerable to another person, especially a male who in my life seems to be the ones who are the best at hurting me so much deeper than any girl. I know this is crap. It is and that is why I gave up this thinking and realized it’s not my fear but Satan throwing my past crap back into my face and calling it “being cautious or guarding my heart”. He’s an idiot. Enough said.

The second one was that I became heavily burdened for my family. They have so much baggage and they just are so lost and don’t know the freedom that is in Christ. They see it in me but cannot understand or grasp the concept. They are my mission field and I love them more deeply then they’ll ever ever know. They will always be apart of who I am and in my heart. They will always be first after Jesus. If they need food I’ll provide, if they need a place to crash and I have my own place they have ultimate dibbs, if they need someone to talk to it doesn’t matter when they know they can call me. God has put me into this family and it’s sad that it took me so long to see why. I am there to serve them and attend their needs and to show them what authentic Christianity looks like. They know the Bible and they know “Christians” but unfortunately their view hasn’t been very positive. God created me a stubbornness and rough exterior to stick through tough time and I believe that is why I am still a Christian among all the trials we faced as a family. When churches treated us like crap and asked us to leave the church. Oh I could go into a long rant but won’t. If you want that rant talk to me sometime and I’ll go into how badly of a witness my introductory church was!

I am letting go. Two weeks ago it was revealed to me that the guy that I liked and I thought maybe he liked me back wasn't interested. God is teaching me to be content with my single hood and it’s hard but it’s what God wants for me at this time. I finally got the answer I wanted. Maybe not “the answer I wanted” but I wanted an answer. My joy is in the LORD and that is not in circumstances. I’m trying to live out Philippians out. If I could turn off my emotions I would but God is teaching me how having feelings aren’t a sin but what you do with them can lead to sin.

All this to say I am extremely blessed right now and God is teaching me so much.

How's that for an update?
Kris