Odd Place

I'm in a very odd place right now. I really don't know that i even have the words to express what i'm going through right now. No words so they are definitely not eloquent or even something anyone could understand. Especially since I don't have the capacity to understand it. I feel empty and numb. I just feel bleh.

Yesterday was a great day...i truly was. However there are times that even with a huge group of people i feel that i will never fit in. I don't have that group of people in which i belong. I'll always be that new kid who doesn't find the place. I feel like this at work, visiting friends and even at church. I feel misunderstood and disassociated. I'm just in an odd place. I know what most of you are already thinking, "give it time and let God take control". The more i pray about this the more God tells me to wait. He doesn't want met to be involved in things or pursue things he wants me to wait. If there is anything i fail at constantly it's waiting on God. I fail in this over and over again. However I listen to him because i know better! I've done this before with him. I want them to know the one i fall in love with everyday!

I feel burdened for my family. I know the peace that comes from knowing and following Jesus. When i think about them not knowing him it breaks my heart in half. Today in church i was struck by this and it was like lightning. I couldn't move all i could do was pray. I couldn't speak or even think clearly. I wasn't myself because I am just so overwhelmed with this. I want them to know him so badly and just don't know what to do next. I pray and will continue to pray for them. I want nothing more than for them to know HIM. I want them to meet and accept the very person who is responsible for my life bringing me past myself pride and to a better place.

Today the sermon was about invited others in. It hit me that when i was 13 i was invited to GR to go to a drama skit night and that is where i met Jesus. I met him in GR over ten years ago and here I am living here for his unknown purpose. He has taken me so far and yet we have such a long journey ahead of us. I was headed down a path of self destruction and he saved me. He saved my life. All because a young right out of college youth pastor stopped by my house and asked me to go to GR with him for a few hours.

Pray.Love.Pray.Love (my goal in waiting)
:)
Kris