spring semester

So today struck an odd feeling in me. I am four classes away from graduation. weird. My morning class was canceled so i got the opportunity to hang out with Don, Nate and D Wag who came to promote the camp. At lunch i had to leave to a class I'm a teacher aide for and was saying goodbye to the guys and Don asked when we'd see each other again. Then D Wag says, "maybe we'll get to come to your graduation." At that moment it hit me that this was my last semester at S.A.U. :0). It's weird to think that after a few months I'll be done here and will be moving onto student teaching! I love this place but am so excited to graduate and start the next part of my life.

J term is over and that is a sad day because it was restful and i miss it already :0).

camp and stuff

So i am exhausted and about to lay down again but i thought i'd update you on life happenings.

Last Undergraduate Semster:
Spring is starting soon and i am excited to embark on my last semester as an undergrad but at the same time i absolutely love my free time and pleasure reading. I've been reading a lot about purposeful marriage and it's really gotten my heart opened to the idea of somewhere down the road being married. I'm not saying in a few months but years down the road. I'm a complicated being, after all!


The Future *dun dun dun dun*
I had my student teacher interview and we are looking for placements in the Cadillac area. If you are unaware Cadillac is where camp is located. I have been talking to my director about my homelife and how i need to be on my own and going home isn't an option. He said that if i got placed in the area for student teaching that we'd figure out housing. In my interview he said it's be a stretch but we'd see what we can do! woo hoo! If not i'll be in spring arbor living with someone, anyone who will take in a stray ;0). I'm excited to see where God takes me. I'm even more excited to be living somewhere where close by (either camp or school) I have a famiy of believers there.


My name's Kris and I'm addicted to CAMP
This weekend i went to camp to volunteer for a retreat. Initially i wasn't planning on going but Casey mentioned going and i asked if i could get a ride and it worked out. I am so glad i went. It was a mini reunion with around 10 summer staff, not to mention another 10 or so who were campers and another 5 who hung out during the day. Friday night i stayed up until 3 am talking to Lauren about home and then Saturday went to bed at 3:30am cause i was hanging with the guys and talking about what it would be like if Jesus worked at camp. Highly entertaining conversation especially having it so late at night :0). Camp truly has become so much more than a summer hang out or job. It is a family for me. Each time i come back my boss says "Welcome Home" and i get a feeling like it truly is home for me. Even with all my years at SAU it's never felt like home but a place to be productive, i have made many friends and i love to serve here but camp is like home and i love being there.


Well sleep needs to happen, i think i finally got my fever to go down...i really need to work tomorrow as it's my last day for j term :)

Good times.


Kris

I write a lot...happy 50th post!

I have had tons of time lately to sit and think. This can be good and bad- good because there are things I need to work on and bad because I don't want to dwell on it too much. God has been working on me and i have come to various conclusions.

1. Life is a mystery and i would have it no other way. I like that my life is in God's hands and that i have no idea what each day holds. Yes i know the classes and meetings i have but i don't know all that happenings each day which work together to fulfill what God wants for my life.

2. God has built me strong but he is still in construction. It seems that once i've learned to be content with life happenings something happens to remind me that i am still a work in progress. God will be working on me all my life but the important thing is that he will never give up and that each time i learn something about Him and myself and become stronger and closer to Him. All in all these are worth it in the end. God is amazing and i am humbled everyday that he would take an interest in my life.

3. I am starting my last semester of college and right now the only emotion tied to that is excitement. I know that once it gets closer I will start to feel sad and know how much I'll miss this place but for now I'm going to work each day to finish my college career as strong as possible. I have worked long and hard for this and am so excited to see where it takes me.

4. I am truly loving life. There are lows and that's a reality. I am surrounded by people who truly care about me and am growing in my relationship with Jesus. I am getting really pumped for my missions trip to Mexico and as the time gets closer my heart is started to break for the people in Mexico i will be working with and meeting while there working.

Seriously, last week was very tough for me however i am just loving life. I am content with how life is going and am excited for the things ahead for me. I am learning to let go of things and to step away from over analyzing and see things at face value.

these are my thoughts.
Kris

my hilarious computer...

My computer caught a virus and has been freaking out. The guy who works in the computer technology services gave me a website and apparently it won't load on my computer. I was trying to delete some programs and unplugged my computer from the internet. I decided to try to watch a movie on my computer and after about twenty minutes or so my computer fast forwarded to the end of the movie and the movie player closed. If that wasn't weird enough my iTunes opened and then i closed it and as i was walking away to get something from the kitchen i heard something coming from my computer i came in hearing quite loudly that my computer was playing the song "Undignified" and i just starred at my computer with nothing opened and laughed. I had to laugh, it's such an amazing experience. I mean of all the songs to be played it was a christian song. I have needed a laugh and the week has thrown me some curve balls. I laughed pretty hard and heard myself utter, "Thank you JESUS, thank you. Just thank you!"

I am headed up to camp on Friday and i am so excited. I really miss my friends and family!

Kris

it's raining, it's pouring...

I have been pretty low for the last few days. I have been praying for the truth to be revealed and when it did it wasn't very pretty and was extremely hard to swallow but it was the truth. It had been obvious that i had exchanged the truth for a lie and need to adjust my life accordingly, it's sucks but it is what it is. Today was better i was getting used to this and then home called *sigh* Initially they called because my brother couldn't find a PS2 game and thought i swiped it. I ended up finding out that my mom moved back in with her boyfriend. Let me explain that this is not a happy reunion. In fact my stomach turned when my brother told me and then when shock turned to denial handed off the phone to my sister to confirm. This is the guy who emotionally and verbally abused me for seven years and who drove me to counseling because i was so low on myself, this is who my mother is choosing to live with. If that weren't enough they moved over a week ago. According to my sister it never occurred to call me and tell me what was going on, she just figured i'd find out eventually.

So here i am socked, hurt and angry. I am unsure of how to feel. No wonder i am so freaked out when it comes to relationships, look at the example put before me. I had some time to mull it over and i think i'm okay with it. I am dissapointed that my mom felt that her loneliness was worth living with a man who on several occasions has openly admitted to dispising her daughter. According to my sister everything is going well he's off drugs, not yelling and they are doing well. In my heart i know that this "okay" is not going to last long and they will be right back where they were. My mom knows how i feel about him and knows i cannot subject myself to that abuse any longer.

Sorry for being such a downer. I know God has this all worked out and that he is teaching me through this, maybe the lesson is that i need to find someone who treats me as God has deemed that i deserve: a lesson learned from the past!

God Date...

So yesterday i was in the crummiest of moods. I talked to Mike Carpenter for awhile and came to the realization i needed some quality time with God. I had the apartment to myself so I took out the time to spend time with the one who holds me heart. So i worshiped, read, journaled, prayed and listening and listened some more. There were tears and many of them. After spending three weeks in a two bedroom trailer with nine others time alone and with my savior was amazing and needed. My heart has been heavy with a few different things which are going on with me. I most definitely needed to let go of something and was probably in the crummy mood because i knew that. Afterward i felt much better and i knew that my decision was wise and am grateful to have such an intense savior to serve. He is so much more than i deserve.

Today Laura picked me up and we braved the storm to Jackson. It was quality time and I appreciated it. I can tell her things I cannot tell many people so we talked about my decision. It was nice to talk to someone who knows me very well. I miss that.

Thursday two great things happened. One was the safe return of Nate, Kait and Rachel and i was thankful. The second was that Mike Carpenter came to Spring Arbor so i took the liberty of rounding up the Arborites to hang out. It started out with Mel, Bethany, Laura, Wook, Casey, Sarah, Eric and myself. Then Mel, Bethany, Eric and Sarah left and the rest of us sat around and talked. We decided that we would go to Wook's and then meet Chuck and Cassies for 1/2 off appetizers. We had such a blast and i don't think i've laughed that hard in a long time. It was a great time.

looking back

So i just got done with a survey looking back to 2008! In doing this i decided to look back at some livejournal entries i wrote and i truly haven't changed too much. I've learned to trust God more deeply and i have fallen more in love with him. I have learned a lot more about myself. So the two topics i journaled about to start 2008 were why singleness was looked down upon and affording college. Still things i am working on. I could go on a rant about the joy of singlehood but i don't feel that i need to. I am content where i am but in a "I could stay single or be in a relationship". I could go into it but i won't right now. I am happy where i am. I'll leave it at that.

Kris

two things!

so i am so excited to be back. I got around for work today only to discover that the school was closed due to snow. At first i was bummed but then i got online and STO was online and then i got a phone call and ended babysitting and making immediate money. I love my tutoring job but money on the spot is rather sweeeeet. So all in all it worked out. I have been so tired so i might go to bed earlier tonight. Okay my two things.

1. Today i was babysitting and usually we watch a movie but today we played games. I played Trouble, Scene It (Disney), Racko and Chutes and Ladder. When Bethy woke from her nap her older sister played online games and we played Chutes and Ladder. I kid you not this game lasted nearly a hour. Every time one of us would get up to the top we would run into one of that nasty chutes. I forgot how much board games can be. Good times.

2. Tonight while i was eating my dinner i was flipping through the channels and i landed on the news. Now lately i haven't watch it because it's been depressing but this made me laugh really hard and i had to blog about it. They were reporting about the gas prices and the anchorman says this, "Raising gas prices has gotten a lot of complaints today and another note is that the lottery tickets are still being sold at every gas station" OK, how do you not laugh at that? I mean he might as well as said if you want to afford gas there's always the chance of winning the lotto! I thought it was hilarious. I'm sure it wasn't intentional but it was amazing :)

That's my thoughts. Well not all of them but the ones i feel comfortable telling the world wide web :0)
Kris

a break or a reminder?

Everytime i go home i am stuck between a break and a reminder. I love my family and spending time with them is so precious to me. However each time i am home i find myself thinking about how much i want more for myself. I don't want to have to decided between rent and groceries because the hot water went out again or because the furnace motor went out again. I want to have food in the cupboard and a roof over my head and not have to worry about it. I don't know if this will happen for me but i sure hope so. I want more. More than scraping by and more than just barely making it. I want more.

A year ago today i prayed that God would use my life to effect change and that i would be a light. Over this break i have often wondered if i had reached this goal. I know that we can always do better but was i the light i wanted to be and then i went to Ohio. After seeing my Dad's side of the family and answering my many questions of graduation, student teaching and where i'd like to teach some day i went to my Mom's side of the family. It was pretty remarkable because we had family come from South Dakota for the holiday season. It ended up being a great big family reunion and it was great. I went from a room full of college degrees to a room of former drug addicts. I had one cousin ask me how i was related since i wasn't divorced, drunk or doing drugs. I laughed and said i wasn't sure. Then my aunt starting asking me what i did the conversation when something like this:

Aunt: Do you smoke
Me: no
Aunt: Do you drink
Me: no
Aunt: Do you do drugs
Me: no
Aunt: *after picking on a younger cousin* Have you ever had sex?
Me: no
Aunt: *eyes widen* What DO you do?
Me: ummm a lot of homework?

it makes me sad that i am the only one at my age who is still a proud virgin that my family knows. On that side of the family there are 14 yr olds having sex. This breaks my heart, truly! I think though that this proves that i am shining. It may not seem like much but they are seeing that something is different with the girl who doesn't drink, date no good guys, get married too young or get into drugs. I was sitting and talking with two aunts and two cousins (all girls) and they were talking about their past drug addictions and they were using drugs i had never heard of. They would stop and tell me how they wished they were wise like me and that i had a great head on my shoulders and to be wise from here on out. Then one said to make sure i knew a guy before i slept with him, i reassured her that was NOT a problem.

I love my family. They are so diverse and show that there is a need in America. A need for love and compassion. A need of a light. I made a choice that night to do the little things to show my light. SInce then i have refilled glasses of pop, served dinner to family or ran errands for my tired brother. I believe the little things speak loudly.

Back to school on Tuesday and i truly am not sure if i will be back home before i am finished, i guess we'll see. I'll use this time given by God to shine his light. I do believe things are happening. Even if it's just them warming up to me talking about God. Little things are happening.

These are my thoughts,
Kris

break...

I really want to go somewhere. Somewhere exotic, fun or even third world. Just saying. Break is going well. Yesterday i had to drive to Coldwater to get a new motor for our furnace because for the two days prior the trailer had been at 55 and one of the days it was 5 degrees outside. Brrrr. It's a lot better now. However i think due to the three days sitting in a freezing trailer I'm getting sick. At least I'm on break and don't have anything to do, right?

On other news my family got donated two huge boxes of food from a local church. My brother and i literally had to talk everything out of the cupboards and reoragnize because there was so much food, thank God for that church. Money is tight and it's hard to feed ten people! We were organizing and he says "i give you a lot of s**t for your beliefs but if it weren't for people like you i would be starving and my kids wouldn't have many presents"
Just in case you are wondering that is the highest form of praise! I was so happy! I feel as if i am a lonely missionary on an island of those who don't know and don't care. It's hard but i know God will bless me for it. I have read my bible more than ever and i pray often. I even have an alarm on my phone that goes off everyday at 3pm to pray for Nate, Kait and Rachel. My brother saw it going off one day and yelled into the kitchen "YOU NEED TO PRAY" Then i got to explain how i dont only pray at that time but it's a reminder to keep praying for them. Then i got to talk about them being in Africa. It's the small stuff for this missionary.

Kris

So apparently this internet provider (at the library) won't let me get on facebook or even look at my blog. I can read other blogs and blog but can't look at my old posts. It's blocked facebook due to it's chatting tendencies. Oh well i'll deal. Well it's day three of break and so far i've

-cut up a deer
-pulled something in my back
-decided it will be a very loooooooong time before i have kids ;)

One of the amish guys in the area shot a deer and said that if my brother wanted to cut it up he could keep the meat. So as a family we cut up a deer. Interesting experience to sit around with your siblings and siblings-to-be's cutting up a deer and chatting it up. It was pretty great though. Not gonna lie: I didn't think i'd be able to stomach it but it was pretty cool. Plus we have deer meat to eat for a long time.

Now this Christmas is very exciting to me. Not because i sleep on a couch which pulls my back in ways it should never be pulled but because it's all about the kids. All the adults in my family decided a month ago that the kids were the ones that the gifts part of Christmas was for and they were to recieve the gifts and not us. We instead will all pitch in for our family Christmas dinner. I wanted to be with my family that's all i want. Also this year the Locker side is getting together the day after so for the first time in a long time i get to wake up on Christmas and go NO WHERE! That's so awesome! I'm excited about that! My gift is already recieved. I get to wake up and go no where and be with my family!

Speaking of family i love them but right now i'm in a two bedroom trailer with a total of ten people and five of which are kids ranging from 3 to 11. I think i'm okay with not having children for awhile. Seriously, i'm alright waiting a long long time :0)!

Oh and P.S. i don't know if i blogged about this but Carp came to SAU to visit me and it was amazing. I went over to Laura's and she seemed way to excited and that she was hiding something at first i thought Nate had lied about his flight but knew that was too good to be true and there Mike Carpenter was! I about flipped then we watched Wall-e and i found another fan of a great movie :)! No offense to Mike but i was really wishing it were Nate. It was great though we watched one of my fave movies, ate homemade cookies, drank Dr. Pepper and celebrated that i had completed my most challenging semester yet! Woot!

CHRISTmas

During these weeks of final projects and exams it's easy to forget the true meaning of the Christmas season. With each to-do list and shopping trip it becomes so easy to focus on yourself. In reflecting about what Christ means to me: I am overwhelmed by how much he means to me. To know that someone who is so powerful and mighty cares about the details of my life keeps me in awe of him. I am so undeserving and grateful for the love of this huge God. I pray this season you take the time to reflect upon what God means to you. Remember to be grateful for all that he is to you.

I wrote this in the Christmas cards i gave the transfer students. I decided that instead of the standard "have a great break" greeting i would put something a little deeper. I haven't heard any responses, yet.

P.S. David Crowder is coming to SAU on my 25th birthday. Now leave it to Crowder to throw me a birthday bash...JUST KIDDING! But seriously, you should come.

giving up...

Don't worry friends, i know the title can sound negative but this is a good thing. Earlier this week i was praying and talking to God and i gave up the rest of my year to him to do what he wants. I'm done worrying about everything from relationships, to ministries, to classes. I'm not saying that i'm gonna climb into bed and show up to Graduation in May but that i'm not going to constantly worry about if this friends is feel neglected, if this boy likes me or what will happen if the professor didn't like my paper. I am going to put myself into everything i do as i usually do but my life is in HIS hands and i don't need to mess with it. I am going to wait and see what God does with it. He is much better at handling my life's craziness so i'll let him do it again! :0)

I was watching a t.v. show the other day and it filled me with so much emotion. I'm not one to watch t.v. but i had some downtime (miracle!!!) and found a show about millionaires who for a week live like they are poor. They have to make rent, buy food and they leave with only $150. They meet people just barely making ends meet and decide how to give a lot of money and how much to give to whom. They met a little girl who had cancer and her family had no insurance. I have never gotten so emotional watching a show but i was just crying. I composed myself and then at the end of the show the father and son millionaire pair handed the dad of the little girl a check for "50,000" and he started crying and by this time i was bawling my eyes out. It was sad and happy at the same time. Then at the end of the show they went back to their millionaire ways and raving about how much it changed them. I got angry and thought to myself, "How can you go back to your 10 Mil mansion when you know the needs out there? How can you back to that?" I know i couldn't. But i do. I'm a privileged college student. I'm still processing it.

one last thing: i was talking to a guy friend the other day and like most convos with this guy we started talking about relationships and he said that he surveyed a lot of college-age guys and the top two things they look for in a girl was: humor and modest. I found this interesting.

Kris

my thoughts

today has been extremely busy yet contemplative. I do a lot of walking whether back and forth from my apartment, to class, to various meetings, or around campus trying to find an open computer: which is increasingly difficult these days with finals so close. Usually on these walks i would listen to my Ipod and jam but my charger is broken so instead i think and think some more. Today here are my four main thoughts.
1. Singleness is no disease
2. Today is a gift
3. Japan was life altering
4. i like boys.
Now simply glancing at my list it seems like one and four contradict one another but let me explain each of then and the novel begins now:

1. Singleness is a gift.
I started to write this blog but got sick of sounding like the tired old cliche of how singleness is truly a gift. Let's just say that i haven't written off the possibilities of being a wife and mother but i am truly joyful in my singleness. Being a single woman of God has been extremely difficult but rewarding. There is someone who if asked i would trade in my single life for a relationship but i am more than willing to wait.

2. Today is a gift.
I have never truly struggled with holding onto the past. If you know my past you would understand why this is. However lately i have much struggled with the want for the future. This is difficult to step away from especially when you are in college where we are often talking about our careers, graduating, marriage, etc. My prayer partner recently bought me the Nooma video titled Today because he knows of my struggle with staying in the moment. The gesture alone of someone buying me an out of the blue gift was huge. I am not a die hard Rob Bell fan but i do like his teachings. I just finished watching it and it was great but i have to think about it and look up some of the scriptures and formulate my own opinions about it!

3. Japan was life altering.
Tonight before my class i was invited to a meeting for students interesting in Japan semester abroad. As a veteran(as they call us) i got to be asked questions and talk about our trip. As stated earlier i don't like to dwell on the past but as i walked in watching the picture slideshow i came to the realization that i have come a long way since that trip. Pre-Japan i had never stepped outside the country and was very close minded about a lot of things. I am nowhere near the same person. I so appreciate all i learned on that trip and was so excited to share that with others and as i shared with others it was as if it were a family reunion even though none of the other veterans went on the same trip.

4. i like boys.
Attention getting? I'd hope so! This one is a praise to guys. I realize that as a single girl praising guys can be dangerous grounds but let me give you some girl perspective! Today i was walking through the student center (i usually walk around but seeing how it's pretty cold i decided to walk through) and this guy i met once about a month ago slid through the door very slickly and i said hey as i was about 10 feet from the door he stopped right in front of me, looked up at me and said "I am so sorry" and turned around and ran to the door opening it for me and waited patiently until i got to the door. I was shocked and so appreciative. Let me just say that a good guy, a guy who is good out of genuineness is a rare find. I know that the guys who read this blog fit in this category. Know that your acts of genuine kindness does not go unnoticed by this girl, i notice and i appreciate it oh so much! Before coming to SAU i never once had a guy open a door (car, house, or store) for me before and i never knew guys did that! :) truly! So these days being a gentlemen or genuinely nice is something i have grown accustomed to but i do in my heart appreciate it so much. Know that i appreciate the small things you great guys do and i am better for knowing you.

my thoughts for you!
Kris

a creative title of some sort...

Break was good for one reason: it was a break. I was home for the first time all semester and although i did do homework it was such the break. I slept in until 10 each morning, which in my family is a miracle! :0)! I got to see my nephews and neice and even saw an aunt i hadn't seen since in six years! There was a hint of sadness because this was the first holiday without my grandpa and the first holiday is always a little sad.

So as far as conversation it was the same as always. The three questions i hate but get asked every holiday or break:
-When are you graduating?
-What are you going to do after that?
-When will you ever start dating? (afterall i am the ONLY sibling to be single)
that is an upcoming blog because i have to run to a prayer meeting.

Let's just say i'm content where i am and not in a "fake smile" contentness but seriously am joyful with where i am! :)
Kris.

35th blog, really?

So this is my 35th blog? Apparently i have a lot to say, ha! I already have written it once but somehow lost it and it never saved the draft, lame or epic sadness! Both actually. I'll try to say the same thing...i'll try.

I am excited to get out of the U.S. and serve once again. I have come to realize that my heart is abroad (which is weird to say outloud which is appropriate since i am nowhere near normal). Here is what my heart has been saying lately:
-i want to be in Africa with those who don't have clean water
-i want to be in Asia where they have more than the U.S. but no hope or truth
-i want to look into the widows and hold the orphans
-i want to touch those who are deemed unlovable
-i want to love those who have no one in their life to simply love them

I want to "go" and i am excited for my missions trip to get to do what heart is crying out to do!
Kris

wonderful weekend...

This weekend was so amazing. Beyond amazing actually.

Friday:
twelve transfer students and three leaders (me included in that) climbed in a van and a car and went to Ann Arbor. We went to Cottage Inn pizza and then went to Borders. We had over an hour so a group of us walked around Ann Arbor taking pictures, stopping by this art gallery place and then ended up talking and hanging out in Starbucks. Go figure, me ending up in a coffee shop :) I purposefully left my money at home cause i told myself i was saving my money for G.R. on Saturday.
It was a great time in Ann Arbor with the cell groups! Such a blast! They make me laugh so hard and i've needed laughter after the the last few weeks!

Saturday:
Bekah and I woke up at 7 am (hello coffee) and went to G.R.! We got there at around 10am and looked at David's Bridal. It was a great time. Then we met up with STO and ate chinese, YUM, and then went back to his apartment. He had to drop off a few highly entertaining 9th graders so Bekah and I sat there talking to Mike. Bekah's brother got off work and she got directions to his campus! Then Nate and I went to see Monika, went to to a coffee shop mmhmmm :) Then we headed back to his apartment to watch some videos! All in all it was a wonderful day! Good times in G.R. i have a few pics.






After lunch:
roommate and I went into town and i was going to buy Wall-e for myself. It's been a long time since i've loved a movie as much as this one. Maybe since Aladdin. For real! Well due to the fact that i am far more poor than i had realized i could not afford said movie and have to wait. Sad day. I did however buy some cold medicine...what an exciting life i lead! :0)

Kris

junior high teaching

Today i taught my first lesson in a junior high Special Edu. class. I have so much respect for those of my friend who teach junior high or teach youth group/ Sunday school! I have no clue how they do it because i was terribly intimidated. My comfort zone is 1st - 3rd grade: coloring, imagination, and story-telling. I love this age group. However to contradict myself at camp my favorite week at camp is senior high and i relate best to the junior high age campers. Crazy, huh? Yeah that is the story of my life seriously! I taught a lesson today and it may have been that i have been sick for the last two weeks with whatever this is but it was a rough lesson. I mean the student learned the geometrical shapes i wanted them to but there were so many things that i forgot. I know that the point of this class is to get me comfortable in a junior high room as well as getting an idea of how much goes into teaching. Luckily they aren't expecting me to be an all-star teacher by the end of the semester! I am far from there.

I am very excited for the weekend. Tomorrow i will be heading to Ann Arbor with the transfers with Damon Seacott. Damon is the assistant to the university president and he is treating us to pizza and then we are going to Borders (in Ann Arbor is the first one). Then on Saturday Bekah and I will be heading to Grand Rapids. We are spending some time checking out David's Bridal looking at different bridesmaid dresses and such. Then we'll be meeting up with Nates: STO and her brother Nate. I will also be seeing Amy and possibly Monika and Steph. :) Did i mention i am excited?


Kris.

me in a nutshell....

Highlights of me lately:

-I am giving up facebook. It's not necessarily a fast but just need to prioritize. I go through this a lot where i need to put God first and i don't. I suck at that.

-I have a deep thirst and hunger for Christ. I cannot seem to get enough and find myself crying a lot. Not in a bad way but in a God is breaking my heart for others.

-My weekend with was dad was more than expected. It redefined my relationship with my father and it's all good! We are past all the drama and are a father daughter unit and he validated me in a way that meant the world to me. Since i was little all i ever wanted to know that my dad valued me and this weekend he told me he was very proud of me and said that he tells all the guys at work about his daughter whose graduating in May. :0) My heart was doing flips!!!!!

-God is teaching me to give up. That sounds very pessimistic. However there is something i have been thinking and praying about a lot these days and God told me to hand it over fully to him. I did that and i am leaving it with him. Not to say that i don't care in fact i care a lot however i'm done holding onto it and am going to give him all control and i am now moving on and living the way HE wants me to and if this other things happens HALLELUJAH and if not GOD is in control.

-I'm reading Jesus Freaks: the stories of those who stood for Jesus. I read it and want to go do something. I want to live like these people and have come to realize that this weekend i was on the mission field. I had many question me about my faith and i had one of my family friends tell me that she always noticed something different about you. A joy that she couldn't explain and that she always looks forward to seeing my smiling face!

lots of thoughts as usual.
off to a God date!
Kris

American soap box...

Let's all repeat after me, "America is NOT the only country on earth and it certainly NOT the greatest one either"
Step on any toes yet? Ohh i'm about to! I was stealing a survey from a freshmen i know on campus. He has surveys all the time. Truth be told most of the time i don't read his answers cause he is immature however for the newest one i decided to read his answers before inserting my own. I was shocked and angry at the following answer:

24. The world could do without: Mexico..i mean come do they really contribute to anything???

for real, are you serious? I get so extremely sick of people complaining about Mexico. I have been there to the slums and looked into the face of people who are hurting and I in fact am going back in March to do it again. My first reaction is "What an American answer" let me reprase that: what a stereotypical American answer. In my travels there is one universal truth America does not paint a pretty picture in other countries.

A few examples:
1. When i was in Japan i met a lot of great people. One of them told me that i didn't act like an American when i asked her what she meant she got very nervous and shy and said to forget she said anything. The next weekend my roommates and i went to Tokyo Disney Land and saw exactly what she meant. We ran into a group of six or so American college guys and never ever before have i been so embarrassed of my heritage. They were running around yelling things like "Hey you want to learn English?" and "We have a hotel right down the street you want to come check it out." This is the view of Americans that my Japanese family had. That makes me sad.

2. Last year i went to Mexico. Before i left i actually had someone on campus say to me, "While you're down there ask them to give us our jobs back" for real now? We went there and visited what is called "Invasion City" it looks like this:

This is how many people live. They find any scraps and they build a home. They have families of five or six live here. If living here weren't enough they live in constant fear because any day the government could show up and cart them off to jail for setting up housing when it's not permitted. Jobs are set up in Mexico that they work for five months and take a few months off and then come back. However in the last three years they do not get their jobs back due to the economy lately. The reason they can only work five months is that if they work more than that they have a tax they cannot afford so they work there for five months take a few months off and come back if there is anything to come back to. So cities like these are becoming more and more common as they are moving around to find work to support their families. This is a sad reality, especially when you find yourself thinking that you have nothing. These people have one water source for about ten of these scrap houses and they all share it willingly and lovingly.

So i'm annoyed right now with the small minded American thinking. I know there are Americans out there who are not like this and i thank God for you. Let's love the neighbors in our country and in other countries.

Stepping off soap box now.