I have been pretty low for the last few days. I have been praying for the truth to be revealed and when it did it wasn't very pretty and was extremely hard to swallow but it was the truth. It had been obvious that i had exchanged the truth for a lie and need to adjust my life accordingly, it's sucks but it is what it is. Today was better i was getting used to this and then home called *sigh* Initially they called because my brother couldn't find a PS2 game and thought i swiped it. I ended up finding out that my mom moved back in with her boyfriend. Let me explain that this is not a happy reunion. In fact my stomach turned when my brother told me and then when shock turned to denial handed off the phone to my sister to confirm. This is the guy who emotionally and verbally abused me for seven years and who drove me to counseling because i was so low on myself, this is who my mother is choosing to live with. If that weren't enough they moved over a week ago. According to my sister it never occurred to call me and tell me what was going on, she just figured i'd find out eventually.
So here i am socked, hurt and angry. I am unsure of how to feel. No wonder i am so freaked out when it comes to relationships, look at the example put before me. I had some time to mull it over and i think i'm okay with it. I am dissapointed that my mom felt that her loneliness was worth living with a man who on several occasions has openly admitted to dispising her daughter. According to my sister everything is going well he's off drugs, not yelling and they are doing well. In my heart i know that this "okay" is not going to last long and they will be right back where they were. My mom knows how i feel about him and knows i cannot subject myself to that abuse any longer.
Sorry for being such a downer. I know God has this all worked out and that he is teaching me through this, maybe the lesson is that i need to find someone who treats me as God has deemed that i deserve: a lesson learned from the past!
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