Jesus' birthday and LIFE

There are a jumbled mess of things going on in my mind so im gonna just blog about them all.

Jesus' birthday.
Conviction came on Sunday when i realized that i give little to no attention to my Savior on the day of his birth. The world recognizes this day as his birth and here i am his follower and getting lost in the worldly celebration. I came home and took down all the Christmas decoration and started my very own tradition. I decorated my living room like a birthday party and if invited to any holiday parties will bring birthday cake! Jesus will be celebrated the end.

Small group:
i am in a small group for 'singles' in their 20's. I love it. love it. love it. We have been studying what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. Last night we met for December and got into a heavy discussion about the cost of a discipleship. Someone mentioned how it's not hard to sacrifice when you know it's better for you and i argued that if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be a sacrifice. Then Ryan, our leader, asked me to share my story saying that it had a lot of sacrifice. Honestly I've never thought of my faith in Jesus as sacrifice but always looked at it as following Jesus because he fulfilled me in a way nothing else would. It's a new perspective for sure.

Interning professionally:
I love interning. Truly, it is the most humbling experience and i think my relationship with Jesus has never been better. I am ready for a real job with a paycheck that are a lot a lot bigger! For right me i am using each moment to learn more about the character of Jesus. Today i was cleaning yogurt off the ceiling (seriously, humbling) and thought "Jesus was the King of King and washed people's feet...he is so more awesome then I'll ever know"

I'll be home for Christmas...kinda
So plans for Christmas are finalizing. I will go home on Christmas Eve and then either Christmas Day or the 26th i'll drive six hours to my Grandma's new home in Columbus, Ohio and she's ordering pizza and enjoying time with everyone. Apparently she's over spending the day cooking a huge meal we really don't need. Can't blame her...bring on the chance. My dad is playing for a hotel room for us and taking us to this sled park in Columbus. Then i come home on the 27th and will be at camp the next day. We have retreats from the 28th - Jan. 3rd. School starts on Jan. 4th.
I thought they called it Christmas BREAK? Ha!

Pray for opportunities to share Jesus with my family. I want to share him with them but its a fine line between annoying them with my Jesus talks and sharing with them about my life. God is so good.

Friday is Follow the Star at camp. If you dont know it's a journey of Jesus' birth. From the prophesy to his birth. You walk from one end of the camp to the other to see it. I am so excited to finally be able to experience it. Usually I'm at school swamped with work during this time so it'll be nice to enjoy it.

Kris

I'm in love and i don't care you knows it...

So i am in love. Love is a word that is tossed around a lot and the meaning of the word is just as much. I love puppies but hate cats...that kinda stuff. But this is love, true love. Authentic love. It's for real. Before i get into the details that every girl wants to know like who, how we met, etc. Let me show i know i am in love.

Here are something I've been told that you KNOW you're in love:
-You can't stop smiling when you think about him
-You hear his name and have to smile
-You want to spend every waking moment with him
-He is the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about when you go to bed.

I think it's safe to say that i am in love. We met when i was 13 but didn't truly understand his love until i gave up drinking and partying when i was 18. I was introduced by a friend. He patiently waited for me to try some other things first and then ran to his open arms. He loves me. The thing about this love is that i want to share his love with others.

Now before you freak out, i am in love with JESUS. Stop shaking your head and think about it. Jesus should be our first love. We should love him more than that cute guy in your class or at work. I cannot stop smiling when i hear his name and when i wake up in the morning i start it with prayer and exclaiming how much i love him. We should love him passionately.

I hope that today you see how much love he has given and his love is a gift that keeps on giving. Show the love of Jesus everyday.

I love him. He is all i need.
Kris

P.S. single hood isn't a disease...just so you know!

i surrender ALL...

SO time for an update on here. I'm not sure anyone even reads this but i like getting it down anyway! I could just forfeit the online journal and stick to my personal journal but i like doing so...I'm a-gonna :)

After many tears and prayers God delivered me from my emotions and feelings and i can honestly say i am finally over that hurdle. I won't say what the hurdle was (that is what the personal journal is actually for) but i will say that i was an emotional wreck for quite some time. I am not regretful of the situation because God taught me so much about myself and more importantly about HIS character through the situation. I can honestly say i have surrendered it to God and the feelings and emotions that were once so closely connected to said hurdle are gone. This is relieving and amazing. I have told a few friends before that i was "over it" and they and i both knew i wasn't but this time i truly, truly am. I know not that what i desired so badly was not what God had in store for me and looking back i am amazed that i ever was like that. A little bit ashamed but stronger for the experience.

I am so blessed right now. I am still broken at the foot of the cross. I am full of a joy that i haven't felt since i first abandoned a life of selfishness and let GOD take over my entire life. It's a joy that is full of brokenness. There is a just a point that you get so broken that you cannot do anything but follow Jesus and there is just immense joy in that. I know it's sound incredibly backward to be so joyful and broken but that's the beauty of grace. You truly don't appreciate grace until you are a place where you need it and see how beautiful it truly is. I am constantly in awe of our creator. It's so hard not to be. He is the creator of the universe and he still cares for a girl who is constantly messing in the same cycle she's done for the last four or five years. Each day is truly a gift and i was taking that for granted, like i always do. I believe in the beauty in the small things. Each day is one to bring the King of king glory and honor for who he is and what he's done. I was praying one day and came to the realization that i used the phrase "I'm giving it to you" but don't actually believe it. I would give it to him and then a few minutes later ask how that situation is going. Let go of it and LET GOD.

Seriously, though i feel so blessed and loved. Living alone is not as hard as i thought it would be. I am getting to know people my own age thanks to my church. I am learning the ropes of education with each passing day. I am learning to take everything one day at a time and to FULLY trust God with everything.

That's my life.
Thanks for reading...

update on me!

I have many things to update on. I have been learning oh so much lately. I don't know why but whenever i am at camp i don't only hear from God but i feel like he's in a loud and booming voice and the minute i go home or away and it's a faint whisper and i need to search him out. I love it here.

God is teaching me to let go. There is something i was sure i was ready for in my life and God told me no for a few months and i constantly was trying to prove how i could handle it. Eventually i gave in to his answer and am seeing how weak without him. Although this thing felt so right i was told no and i have to let it go and move on. As soon as i gave it up i was convicted of the men in my life and how i act around them and set up boundries for my emotions and for appearances of evil. So, if you are a close male friend in my life and it seems like i'm pulling away or acting strange it's because i am. I'm guarding myself and serving my husband. God and i spent a few nights chatting and diving into his words about pure living and being a light of his. My husband deserves all of my heart, whenever/if ever i meet him, i don't want to give him whatever is left of my heart. It's something i feel very strongly about. And so does Jesus.

I am being called to be a SMT Coordinator once again. I remember telling God that i would do anything at camp but i didn't feel comfortable working with high schoolers. Even as a counselor i volunteered for specialty camps senior high week. Well two years ago i volunteered *sign?* to help D Wag with the program and then when he got sick and hospitalized it feel upon my lap and last year Mike and I headed it up together. God is hilarious with my comfort zone. Well he recently told me he wants me to return and i told him that i will go where he calls and that i will trust him to bring the person to help with the program. (having talked to Mike who said he was done with camp) Then this weekend Mike told me during the meeting -where i got caught for talking- that he was going to come back for the summer. God is so good.

Okay so to the teaching thing. On Friday i said goodbye to my second grade class and it was a bit sad but a part of me was ready to move on. Today with great excitement and equally nervousness: I walked into a elementary special edu room. I have to tell you i absolutely loved every minutes of it. If that isn't a sign that it's what i was put on this earth to do...i don't know what is. I light up when working with a struggling student. I love hearing them reading and helping them out. I love it, love it, LOVE IT! Not to say i didn't like my second grade room but this is what i've studied for the last four years and what my passion lies. I seriously loved it. I got to go into a few classrooms to help out during reading times or those who missed their recess to do their missing work. I love that too. Oh and my teacher is amazing. He is laid back and so much fun. He plays with the kids and they respect him so much. We are planning on sledding party for my goodbye party and the kids have to earn it by learning 12-13 spelling lists which is part of their goals for the year. The kids were so psyched about it and it'll be great to have them out at camp experiencing the tubing hill :0)

How's that for an update?

small group

I am in a small group and i'll have to say it's nice to be in a group of people my age. I think only one of the group members is in college...everyone else is a graduate and is working or trying to figure out the next step. Yep, that's right everything isn't figured out just because you walk across that stage and accept that particular finish line. Anyways so i really prayed if this was something i was supposed to do and not something to do because i want to know people my age. There's nothing wrong with knowing people in the same place in life i am but i wanted it to God's direction in my life. I signed up and told D-Wag the minute people start paring off, I'm out! We were assured that isn't one of "those" single groups...but a group of singles wanting to learn how to serve God as a single. So, anyways we were studying discipleship and came to a perplexing verse and discussed it at length..the best we can.

I am for sure no biblical scholar but here is my interpretation of what Jesus is saying here.
Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

We discussed the harsh language and how confusing it seems knowing that Jesus is a loving God. He IS love and yet tells us to hate our family. It seems crazy, right? well first of all who said Jesus wasn't a little bit crazy? Seriously, look at this guy! Here are my thoughts on the verses and i'm going to continue to dig into it deeper. My inital thought when reading the verse was that Jesus wants the real you. He doens't want someone coming up saying, "Yeah. I love everyone." That's not real: nobody loves everyone...we are sinners. We fight with our family, we get angry. It's who we are. Then after discussing it further i came to another realization. You have to look at the audience that Jesus is talking to. Back then dropping your job and following some crazed Messiah wasn't just giving up a paycheck and stability. Back then your family defined what you did. If you were a fisherman it wasn't because you loved to do it as a boy and decided to pursue it, it was because your dad was a fisherman and your grandfather, your great-grandfather, etc. It was what your family did and you were the one who followed what they did. To give up your job was to say to your family i dont care about genealogy or family importance i'm giving it all up to follow this guy named Jesus basicly because he asked me to follow him.

I still want to look into this verse deeper. These are my thoughts. Also i was talking about how some of my family thinks i've joined a cult and we discussed how the root of cult comes from culture and how Christianity is a counter-culture thing. So i am a proud member or a counter-culture cult :0)

ding dong the car is dead...

So my chapter of my first car has offically ended. We had quite the adventure together. The irony of it was that at church today we were talking about how rich America is compared to the rest of the world and i was amazed at the statistic that there are only 8% of people in the world who own a car. Little did i know that less than an hour later i would join the 92% who didn't. Even though this is sad i am so grateful to not be hurt and when Duane picked me up he says "you got a good story" and it's so true. She was a drama queen my Lilly, my first car.

I got to church and my car was acting funny...driving a little warm but that's nothing new. This week each day something else went wrong.
Monday: left turning signal went out
Tuesday: interior lights and "door ajar" would stay on until a mile down the road
Wednesday: gages would jump while driving
Thursday: going through gas more severely than usual
Friday: radio was going in and out

So it was acting funny and that's how she was...she was temperamental and moody. She was after all my drama queen car! *keep in mind this all happened within a minute but seemed like an hour* So after church i was driving down mackinaw trail and she started shaking violently. She usually shakes if driven above 70 MPH but this was the whole thing and worse then ever before, nothing like i've ever experienced! Then there entire car was a huge cloud of smoke...i couldn't tell where it was coming from. I started to pull over and as i got just off the road she died. I parked it and turned it off and got out of the car. I grabbed my cell phone and threw it in my pocket. Praising God at the last minute i grabbed it before heading out the door. I then popped the hood to get a look to where the smoke was coming. It was everywhere and then i saw a bunch of smoke come from underneath the car. I looked and there was this huge flame just behind the tire. I took a deep breathe and praise God again that i had an "emergency 2 liter of water" in my car. I took it out and put the flame out. I took out my phone and called Duane to come and pick me up.

I texted my mom, "Car is R.I.P. I'll call you when i get back". This car has been a religious experience. I've prayed more in this car than anywhere else. Every time it started was a miracle that i had another day as a driver. Today God spared me...it sucks but it could have been SO MUCH WORSE. Seriously. It was a nice adventure that Lilly and i had. My mom feels terrible that i put so much money into something so not worth it. However how on earth would she have know? It's a good story...

So now i'm back to borrowing cars and being blessed by how amazing the friends God placed in my life. So if you have anyone who wants to get rid of a car :) or a cheap car that i can afford in like five years...:)! Above all i need prayers. God has this situation under control...completely!

high on JESUS and coffee!

So a real quick update before i have to get to work/school. Don't know which it is...it's school but i teach however i don't get paid. Anyways last night was AMAZING. I was cleaning cabins and was praying and God told me to call home. I kinda blew it off at first but then started to miss home but isn't like me at all...not to say i don't love my family but i am an independent girl who has never been homesick not even while in other countries. So, i called and talked to my mom who wasn't feeling good and got her spirits up and the she said my sister needed to talk. This was strange to even want her to talk because she hates, loathes, talking on the phone. Well she said she needed "Godly" advice and i was the first person she thought of. *touched* She has a christian friend who is alone in her faith and is feel discouraged and wants to know what to say and if i'd talk to her. I told her what i would do is write her a letter so my sister jotted down my email address and i told her to email me the girl's address and to give her my phone number and she could call me any time she needed to talk. Then i proceeded to tell my little sister, who two months ago would roll her eyes when i talked about God, about what God has done in my life in the last few years.

AMAZING!!! She told me that she has been going to church and praying these days. She wants to help her friend but she's in a place right now where she's still searching God out and doesn't completely understand her faith and told her friend she doesn't feel like she can help but came to me. My little sister is following JESUS again. You have no idea how cool this is.

Home is my mission field and i left and one of then went back to Jesus and is asking my advice to help a friend in need. I slept maybe two hours last night between excitement and three cups of coffee at Sarah's and talked to God pretty much all night. It was amazing.

Did i mention this whole thing is amazing?
Welp, gotta go!

I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH.
Kris

dream, dream, dream...

I have been dreaming and talking about this for well about four years now. I want to so badly teaching english in another country. It was almost my dream to live in a foregin country. At first i had the hurdle of finishing school (not like a school where to learn to be a lady i meant completing college) and that hurdle will be accomplished in February. I told myself "we'll see where i am...you never know" well i'm single, have no home and am young. If not now, when? You know? I don't want to get to a place where i cannot get up and go. I don't want to wait until i'm rooted too deep in life that i can't get up and leave for a year or more. Now is the perfect time. Okay not right now and maybe not even this next fall but soon. I have been talking about it, praying about it and now i am dreaming about it. I believe God has told me that it is time to put dreams into action.

Lauren and I have been talking about going to China to teach since she got back from her experience this summer. I am 100% serious about going. My plan is to sub/ get a year job and save up as much money are possible to support my moving to China (if that's where God wants me). Of course, this process won't begin until i finish everything in February. I mean i do have to priortize finishing up my semester of student teaching. God speaks to me loudest in dreams and i truly believe he is telling me that there is a passion to travel and teach in me for a reason. There is also a reason i have no ties to this country. Never dated and no prospects makes me the perfect person to move. I told my brother this today and it made him sad. I know he's happy for me but i think he fears (what may come true) that i may not come back if i go. It's not going to happen for at least a year and half but i am so excited about it. For real.

This is me just getting my heart down on my blog but this is where i'm at. I love teaching and i do love my friends and family here. But being single (and so single i couldn't imagine starting any relationship due to my heart being saved for the long distance future if ever) and the fact that i'm young and have an intense passion to travel. All signs point to packing up and getting out of here.

My thoughts are everywhere and my heart leaps as i write about me leaving this country behind. My heart is another country...now if i could find that country but all in time. all in time.

update on my life

I feel like each day is a flash of light these days. In a month from now i will half way through my student teaching semester and this is just crazy. I decided to sit down and update you on my life thus far since it's been so long that i've updated the two of you who read this.

Teaching is amazing and oh so exhausting. I have never felt so exhausted before. I have been teaching full time for two weeks now and have three weeks after to look forward to it. It's not that bad i actually really love it and it's what i want to do with my life so it's nice to be FINALLY doing it.

My car is special. Jeff looked at it and said the engine is pretty much shot. It's a local car now and will be driven until it officially dies. So pretty much every time it starts i count it a miracle to be able to use her for another day. I have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do when she dies but haven't really put too much thought into it. Intially i felt like someone punched me when i heard but it's in God's hands and i know somehow someway he will provide and supply all of my needs. If all else fails Tustin isn't that far...a little cold but not far :)

So not too much else is changed but a few things have. I am still the same person but i think God is improving some things. God has been teaching me contentment and i can say with absolutely certainty and honesty that i am happy with life right now. This is amazing cause it's what i wanted and prayed for and now i have it. Not to say that all of my dreams are coming true...not quite the picket fence i imagined as a child having when i was in my mid 20's but i live among people who love and care for me and i wake up every morning and love what i'm doing. pretty close to my dreams.

There are a few other very minor changes in my life. One odd things is that i've discovered a random love of diet coke, which i'm sure is a sign of aging :) Another sign of aging is that by 9 i am nodding off and the latest i stay up on a usual night is about 9:30. Most Thursdays i stay up until 11 or midnight (WOAH i know) It's my one night of adult conversation and company with Sarah, Kevin, Dan and Justin. It's a great night and i look forward to it.

Well before i end this i have to share a conversation with a student today:

Student: Mrs. Locker how many kids do you have?
Me: I don't have any kids.
Student: Oh does your husband not want kids?
Me: I don't have a husband, and should probably get married before i have kids
Student: Oh my gosh i didn't know you weren't married.
Me: That's okay. No, i'm not married.
Student: *looks worried* Well do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No i don't.
Student: *still worried* Well you better get one. How else will you get married and have kids?
Me: *chuckles* (How could you not?) I am focusing on teaching and being with you guys
Student: Oh, well i guess i'm okay with that.

They are hilarious. In her mind any adult should be married and have kids. I'm glad she's okay with me focusing on her and the class.

Such good times.
Kris

In the road of life there are bumps many of them geizer size...

Let me just start off by saying this "GOD is good. He is so good. He is more than enough for me" I know this is said a lot in songs and what not but he has revealed to me lately how very true this is.

I'm in a very weird transition right now in my life. Not a college student and not quite an "full time employed- rent paying adult." I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Truthfully as awkward of a transition i'm in...i am so loving every minute of it. I am content where i am and excited to see where i'm headed after this stage i'm in right now. It's a nice place to be because no matter what life throws at me i'm ready for it. Whether God takes me to another state or country for a job (after the three wedding this summer) or if i find a job here and move in with the DelGanceys (could you imagine)!!! I'm ready for whatever God wants for me.

I have been learning a lot. I have been working in one of the toughest and roughest class my cooperating teacher has ever seen and i love it. It's challenging, exhausting and i love it. I think this is God's way of both preparing me and proving to me that this what i was designed to do. When you work so hard to do something you start to wonder "this is all i've been working toward what if it's not for me?" And when you think that and get into a tough spot and love it...you know that is God working. He is working.

HE IS SO GOOD.
The end.

morphing into Ms. Locker

I am still trying to catch my breath. I have two more days and then a weekend and hopefully an opportunity to sleep somewhere in there. I started to school on Tuesday (yesterday) let me just say that i was in bed by 9pm. I wake up from 6am- 6:15 and from then until around 4 pm i am thinking about curriculum, discipline, lesson plans and what to do about those boys who will not stay on task. I got home around 4:30 yesterday because we had our first staff meeting. So far i haven't felt like the newbie at all which is a good feeling. I am treated like one of the teachers and if anything they often reassure me that things to get better and easier. I eat lunch with the other second grade teachers and feel like a babe as they are talking about grandchildren and when they will retire. I'm not even starting teaching and they are decided whether this year or next would be the time to retire. It has been nice because a lot have said they don't know if they want to retire because they love teaching so much...even the ones who've done it for thirty years...that makes me feel better. Also they all talk about how much their husbands and kids ask of them and that makes me truly appreciate the single life. I don't have someone expecting me home or asking me to get out of my planning book...i come home to a quiet and empty little home and i have to admit it that i enjoy more than i ever thought i would. Seriously, God was right when he told me i wasn't ready for a relationship. He's so good.

So today at school was better. I'm not nearly as exhausted and the students were better behaved. They listened better and are starting to see the routine a little bit better. We have 17 boys and 7 girls. It's a lot of boys but i can tell it'll be a blast. Tomorrow my teacher has to go to the funeral and so i'm in charge of the class for a few hours. I am excited to early get the students to see me as their teacher. They are so fun and a constant surprise.

It'll take awhile to get used to being called "Ms. Locker" but i like it.

Fill a bucket today, k?

BUCKET FILLERS
Have You Filled a Bucket Today? The idea of Bucket Fillers is based on the book "Have You Filled A Bucket Today? (A Guide to Daily Happiness For Kids)" by Carol McCloud. The premise of the book is this...

We all carry an invisible bucket that contains our feelings. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When our bucket is empty, we feel sad. A bucket filler is someone who says or does nice things for other people. By doing this, they are filling other people's buckets and filling their own bucket at the same time.

On the other hand, a bucket dipper says or does things to cause other people to feel bad. A bucket dipper empties their bucket when they say and do mean things.

In our classroom, each student has a bucket on our Bucket Filler bulletin board. Everyone is encouraged to fill the buckets by writing kind words and compliments to each other. At the end of the week, we empty the buckets and read the nice things our friends left for us when they filled our buckets.

the looooooongest weekend!

So this weekend i had to go to Spring Arbor for a seminar. I stopped by home to visit with my family and it was a great visit. My step dad and i got along and actually held a civil conversation and if you know me...you know how huge that is. I got the car packed and headed out. I got about a half hour away from home and my car overheated and died. After waiting along the side of a road for what seemed like forever but was actually (only) two hours a nice stranger stopped by and let me call home. My step dad came and pulled me back home. We looked at the car to discover that the starter went out and so we got a new one and then the next day i tried once again to head to Spring Arbor only to have history repeat itself. However this time i had a cell phone. Yes you just read that correct: I, Kris Locker, have a cell phone. My mom completely freaked out that i was stranded in the middle of nowhere for two hours without any help went out and bought me a prepaid cell phone and put minutes on it. She is going to put about 100 minutes a month on it for me for the traveling and such. So this time i called home and had them get me...again. At this point i had officially lost it and was crying when they came to get me. My uncle looked at it and said it was the alternator so we changed that and last night at 8pm i turned the key and my stomach dropped as it only made the *click click click* sound.

So after a few hundred dollars and two days of missing important meetings and sessions i talked it over with my mom and she decided to drop me off. By the time we got things around, found babysitters, etc it was nearing after midnight. I told her that i could wait until morning but she insisted she would get me there this morning for my teacher in-services all day. So i finally rolled in at 3:30 gave my mom an official tour of my cabin and unpacked the truck. I went to the office to see if my teacher had emailed me and then went to bed. I finally fell asleep at 4 and woke up to get ready at 7. I woke up pretty exhausted and got ready for the day. I borrowed a camp van and drove to Pine River HS and sat through a day of meetings, lectures and presentations. I met a lot of the teachers in the area and talked to my principal.

I am so glad to be back. I am thankful to God that this all happened only 30 minutes from my mom's house and that my step dad was in a good mood and actually civil toward me. Although this was so frustrating and emotionally exhausting God had his hand on it. He is so good. so good.

My mom just called and said the new started apparently shorted out when it over heated the second time and we have to replace it and the radiator is bad. Hopefully *praying hard* it can be fixed and be dropped off back to me on Monday (my one and only day off for awhile) :)

That it...my long weekend. A weekend of crying, praying, crying and praying. Oh and praying, praying, praying. It was a very spiritual weekend for me.

Kris

student teaching...almost here

WARNING: a vast majority of my post after this point will be about teaching, cute kid stories, etc. So if you're not "into the education stuff" you'll probably be pretty bored with my journal...you've been pre-warned!

Today i went in to do some pre-planning for the fall. My teacher and i get along so well she is just great. She is organized, likes group work, and loves loves loves English and stuff. It makes me feel a lot better that she's not thrilled with math either: i'm not alone :0)! We were talking and she said i'll be teaching in October and then i looked down and saw the word "Pirate" and i thought there is no way that says that cause that would be AMAZING. Sure enough in October i will be teaching a thematic unit on Pirates. Oh my gosh, so excited. It ends with Halloween where we all dress up like pirates...i am so pumped you have no idea! My first teaching experience and i get a sweet theme like pirates...is God good or what?!?

I truly am so psyched about it. And i found this resale shop in town and got nice dress/ teacher type clothes for 2-3 dollars. Woah! Life is just good. I am so excited for what God has in store for me in the next few months. I was just thinking today about how much I've gone through and how far i've come in a year. It's amazing.
HE is amazing!


I am off on vacation next week and i am so pumped for that as well. I am going to sleeeeeeep, read, sleeeeeeeeep, eat, sleeeeeeeeeep, sit in the hammock, sleeeeeeeeep, hopefully drink some coffee, and above else i will sleeeeeeeep!

That is all and YES I am excited!
Kris

a quick update....

This week is Woodside rental group at camp. I have enjoyed getting to know some of the staff a little bit better :0). Some i already knew well, while others not so much. I have been a slave to the climbing tower and flying squirrel and i am thrilled to announce that this morning is my last flying squirrel session....*note the huge grin upon my face* :0).

In other news i feel like garbage. Usually when i feel like this it's my body's way and more than often God's way of telling me to slow down and take a breather. So i have been napping and this week is a good week to nap since i have a lot of down time. I am so tired and have man voice each morning.....gewd times! Today is the last program day and then i have two weeks "off." The first week I will be going to the Elementary each day to begin organization for the semesters. Then the next week is a mystery to me. Maybe vacationing maybe sleeping at camp all week. Either way week number two will be a lot of sleeping and doing nothing. NOTHING. :0)

I think you are great, especially you!
Pray for me...it's never a bad idea!
Kris

submissions and servanthood

Camp is done and it's always hard for me. Hard to see so many people I lived with two months go but this year is harder for than any other one. Usually i would be up here for a few rentals and then off to my life. My life of school work, living with my roommate (who i loved living with cause we worked so great together), and being involved on campus...that is not happening this year. I am staying here. Slowly people are leaving and telling me about what the fall holds for them. Don't get me wrong this is not a "woe is me". I am blessed beyond what i can understand right now.

I have a place to live, a place that i love and a place i can call home. I have to honestly say i don't think i've ever had a place i could call home. I've either lived at school, or with my mom's boyfriend (whichever one it was at the time). I am so pumped to have a place to call home and to feel wanted and loved.

Okay back to the summer. This summer for me was very hard but by the end of the summer i was astounded by how much i had grown in my walk with Christ. It's hard to believe anyone can grow that much. Only few people knew my internal struggle all summer. I cried a lot, prayed a lot and leaned on JESUS to fulfill all my needs. He began to teach me about submission and servant hood. Prior to camp he taught me the beauty of the unknown service and the little things we do to serve others. Whether that would be a little note or picking up trash so the next person wouldn't have to. At camp he taught me what being joyful always really truly means and how to submit to doing something even if it's not how i felt. So every time i made a copy, refilled the clipboards at the waterfront, wrote down a list for the SMTs or even grabbed an extra cookie for someone it was an act of service to Jesus. He taught me a lot about laying aside my wants and desires and following after him. Laying down what i think is right for me and allowing him to take control.

I have no clue wh at this next year hold and for me there is nothing more thrilling. When you have nothing and no clue where you're going you have no choice but to follow him with your whole body, soul, mind and being. NO CHOICE.

So to those of you who worked with me this summer thanks for allowing me to serve you and for letting me see God's character in you. God is so amazing and i love you all so much more than i could ever begin to describe. I am here if you ever need to talk or have something you want me to pray about.

Kris

a day off....time to update!

I have the day off so I’m sitting in Cadillac, Mi at one of my fave coffee shops: drinking coffee and chilling. I have been here since about 12:30 and am nowhere near ready to leave yet. I love that feeling. The non-rushed feeling. There are a variety of thoughts bouncing around this head of mine. I’ll try to somehow organize them cause well that’s who I am. I am organized girl even on my day off :0)

Let’s start with camp and how I am so incredibly blessed. God has been teaching me how to each day is a new start and how to trust him in EVERYTHING. That the little things he had me give up in the school year has just flowed into the big things I need to trust him with such as relationships (or lack thereof) and finances and basically the future. He has been so good to me. Part of me fears that I will wake up and realize it’s all a dream and that at the end of the summer I have to move back home *that would be a nightmare friends*. I know that is crap and I tell Satan that he is a jerk and that God’s plans are so much bigger and better than my own. HE is so good.

On to God lessons. Last Sunday I was in church and Pastor Jack was speaking on emotional baggage and how we have to let it go. This hit me two fold.

First of all I was holding on to my baggage and using it as an excuse to not date or want to date. I must admit I’ve often thought about dating but the fear of having to open up to another person about my past baggage and my family scares the crap out of me and I don’t want to be that vulnerable to another person, especially a male who in my life seems to be the ones who are the best at hurting me so much deeper than any girl. I know this is crap. It is and that is why I gave up this thinking and realized it’s not my fear but Satan throwing my past crap back into my face and calling it “being cautious or guarding my heart”. He’s an idiot. Enough said.

The second one was that I became heavily burdened for my family. They have so much baggage and they just are so lost and don’t know the freedom that is in Christ. They see it in me but cannot understand or grasp the concept. They are my mission field and I love them more deeply then they’ll ever ever know. They will always be apart of who I am and in my heart. They will always be first after Jesus. If they need food I’ll provide, if they need a place to crash and I have my own place they have ultimate dibbs, if they need someone to talk to it doesn’t matter when they know they can call me. God has put me into this family and it’s sad that it took me so long to see why. I am there to serve them and attend their needs and to show them what authentic Christianity looks like. They know the Bible and they know “Christians” but unfortunately their view hasn’t been very positive. God created me a stubbornness and rough exterior to stick through tough time and I believe that is why I am still a Christian among all the trials we faced as a family. When churches treated us like crap and asked us to leave the church. Oh I could go into a long rant but won’t. If you want that rant talk to me sometime and I’ll go into how badly of a witness my introductory church was!

I am letting go. Two weeks ago it was revealed to me that the guy that I liked and I thought maybe he liked me back wasn't interested. God is teaching me to be content with my single hood and it’s hard but it’s what God wants for me at this time. I finally got the answer I wanted. Maybe not “the answer I wanted” but I wanted an answer. My joy is in the LORD and that is not in circumstances. I’m trying to live out Philippians out. If I could turn off my emotions I would but God is teaching me how having feelings aren’t a sin but what you do with them can lead to sin.

All this to say I am extremely blessed right now and God is teaching me so much.

How's that for an update?
Kris

tooth update!

So i went to the dentist and here's the deal: i had a root canal done on a tooth about five years ago. Apparently on Monday an infections surfaced at the bottom of the tooth and spread. This caused severe pain and swelling of the left side of my face. He told me my options were to pull it or see a specialist. I looked at him in extreme pain and said "i'd rather just pull it". The tooth was so bad it had to be sawed in half and pulled in two parts. Rediculous. He precribed me vicadin, yea :0), and told me that icing the jaw and taking the pain meds will help the swelling. I left feeling pretty good but when the novicane wore off...OUCH. With the help of ice, vicadin and orajel i am feeling oh so much better.

that's my tooth update. It is gone and the sad part is that there will be no tooth fairy giving me a quarter just a pain free mouth. To be honest, the tooth fairy can keep her money and i'll enjoy my pain free mouth and enjoy getting on with my life.

Now it's all camp and i am excited and a little drowsy, just saying.
I am pumped for sleep tonight since in the last 36 hours i've slept a total of 6 hours. Yea sleep.

Night,
Kris

ouch!

For the last few days i've had a toothache. It started being annoying and i'd take some ibuprofen and ambosol and it relieved it for a while. Then it began to throb in pain and i added icing my jaw to the mix. Then last night the left side of my face began to swell and was throbbing in pain. Oh so much fun. Soon i am heading into Cadillac to see a dentist about said tooth and the infections spreading throughout the left side of my face. I can say that this is probably the worst pain I've felt in a very long time. It may even be worse then when i broke my arm. maybe. I will be excited to have the tooth gone and more excited about pain medication. for real.

In other news i'm at camp and am loving it. I feel like i could have gotten much more accomplished but this tooth issue got in the way. Oh well, what can you do? It's been great to hang out with the group though.

Kris

ONE WEEK!!!!!

Today marks one week until i am an offical college graduate! It is hard to describe how that feels. There are a variey of feelings with it. Relief, excitement, apprehension, anxiousness, joy, fear...just to name a few. As much as i am the first to run away from comfort: this is my comfort. Running minstries, taking classes and working part time. Seeing all of my friends in one place and knowing that each night i had a place to run and talk to Bekah about anything going on in my life. College has brought me tears, laughter, confusion, and some of the greatest relationship i'll ever know. I have been so blessed but i know the blessings are far from over.

I'm sure many graduates fight between loving the time we have here but wanting to move on. Honestly, i cannot afford to cling on to this comfort zone any more :0). I am so excited for what the future has for me. Living at camp, student teaching and eventually finding a job. But before all of that i have another week with friends here and then a week with my family and let's not forget....CAMP!!!!!!!!

I am excited yet neverous. One week, it'll fly i just know it.
Good luck on whatever you have to do! :0)

The Graduate (in 7 days)

my thoughts...

I AM GRADUATING IN TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!!!

things are better...

It seems to be lately that when i see those closest to me doing well i feel better. Not to say that my happiness comes from other people but it makes me feel better. Like i look past myself, cause it's not all about me, and be joyous for what God is doing in other people's lives. I like this, a lot.

Things for me are looking up. I met with my professor and never actually discussed my assignment but literally talked about the story of my life. Which is funny since one of my most said lines is "story of my life"...she wanted to know me and where i came from, why i choose Special Education, where i was going from SAU, etc. We are meeting again this next week, so we'll see. She was extremely encouraging and that really helped.

I am learning a lot from God lately. I have been reading through Hebrews and he is teaching me so many things, i thought i knew before but now in the tirals i'm going through mean so much more. He is so good.

I'm going to leave you with a song that God always brings to me when i'm going through a hard time....
Kris

----------------------------------------
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
(REPEAT)

Just what the doctor ordered...

I am so glad i got to go to camp this weekend. It was just the break i wanted and needed. It was a chance to be at one of my favorite places on earth, around a few of my favorite people on earth and just to relax. Now i didn't sleep the whole time, in fact i'm sure this is the shortest amount of sleep i'd gotten all semester but i loved it. I got to be at something i didn't have to plan or run...and that doens't happen at school. Pretty much everything is a meeting i host, a bible study i run or an event i either run or am running with two others. It was nice to help out and not have to do all the work. On Friday i got to do one of my all-time favorite things at camp: star gaze on the soccer field and i saw THREE shooting stars. Which is amazing because usually i can never see them. Wookie and i went and just looked at the stars and talked. As crazy as it sounds it's been a while since we've had one of our chats like that.

This weekend i laughed and laughed. Which i'm learning is extremely good for you :0) Also although i'm not sure how much the boys appreciated it i got a guest cabin to myself. Although it was slightly creepy because it was really quiet, i loved it. I loved just getting some me time in before calling it a day and taking as much time as i needed in the morning was fantastic! This weekend was great, a way to recharge and renew. However it also made me want to be there so badly, i'd give anything to just fast forward and be at camp however i have much to do until then and will focus on that. Yea, for almost being done here! Double yea!

Jesus is good and has a reason and purpose to show me in my last four weeks at SAU, I'm ready to learn and see what HE wants me to.

a new perspective...

This weekend was pretty huge for me. I went home for the first time since Christmas and for the first time in a LONG time i was genuinely excited about going home. This didn't occur over night but over time. It started because i was in Mexico praying about being a missionary down the road and how i wanted a close family and how it broke my heart not to have one. When i got back to school i intentionally called my family just because and i could see how it affected them and they appreciated it. Before i left i prayed about how inadequate i felt being called into missions when i had such a rough upbringing. God called me out and said not only was my family my mission field but they were the stepping stone to those I'd minister to later on in life.

Going home with the mindset that it was where God wanted me to be and that each moment was precious and could eternal rewards was just what i needed. I came with the heart to serve, an ear to listen, and a spirit willing for anything. I left my "woe is me attitude" and it was great. I had meaningful conversations and told my family how much they mean to me. I even got a chance to catch up with an old high school friend who has made some decisions i don't agree with but could share my faith and how that influences things such as choices about sex, education and the future. I never shoved my beliefs on anyone but just gave my point of view.

my "WOAH" moment with God

So many of you know the story of my home life but if you don't I'll lay it out for you:

I am from a shattered home. It's not broken because it's so far gone and past that. My mom currently lives with her boyfriend who blantly hates me and lets everyone know it. My brother and his girlfriend and their three kids live in a two bedroom trailer with my sister and her 3 year old. We all went to church together when i was in junior high. Unfortunately our family has been through a lot and i was the only stubborn one to see it through. I decided to grab a hold of God and everyone else decided to pack it up and run from God.

So during spring break i was sitting in Mexico people watching to discover that they had something i didn't- a close family unit. I want that so badly. All i wanted to do was to go home and serve my family. To serve them with no questions asked because it's what i love to do. So i decided that for Easter break i was not going to sit in my apartment and catch up on homework or get a head start on final projects but i would go home. My mom was thrilled at the news and supprisingly my brother even offered to pick me up, surprising because usually his response is to ask if i can pitch in for gas which i never mind doing. He's just so excited that i'm coming home i guess. Well for the last few Sundays God has been breaking my heart for my family.

In church i was talking to God before partaking in communion. We had the following conversation, this is the Kris Locker version of course!

He was breaking me for my family and i asked, "God how can you expect me to minister to people in other countries if i cannot even shed light to my family" and God in his strong and loving voice said, "Seriously Kris? Let me ask you this: what is a missions field?" I answered "Somewhere that needs the saving message of Christ. WOAH." God replied "Yep, you finally are getting it" I started to cry and said "You mean my missions field IS home? All this time i've wondered if i wanted to go into missions and there it was right in front of me. I think this is the one time when the missionary actually started going to chruch as the same time as those in their mission field"

So although it's something I've known, it was revealed to me again. My family is my mission field. I have invested in their lives and love them so deeply. They will always be my mission field regardless of where i am or what i'm doing. I have a tie to them and will continue to serve them and be their light until the day they too hear from God and decide to listen.

we serve such an amazing God!

Mexico was muy bueno!

I went to Mexico and it was so amazing. God showed up in so many unexpected ways. Let me say first off that i cried more during this trip than i have cried ever before. On the way as i was praying for those in Mexico that i would serve and would serve me i became overwhelmed with the idea of the body and Christ and how easily i had lost touch of the body of Christ and God revealed to me that he was going to do some huge things in me. He showed up the minute i was in Mexico. I joked with some of the girls that i am convinced God speaks Japanese/Spanish because i hear him clearer when i am in Mexico or Japan. Here i am unsure of what he wants me to do because i get so wrapped up in myself and technology, etc. We got to the church and the whole church was beaming with joy and clapping as we walked in they all hugged us and welcomed us to Mexico. It was overwhelming and i cried not a lot but enough. They had so much love even before they knew us and they were full of the love of Christ. We went to check out the work site and then they fed us at our "eating house" a block away. After dinner of chicken tacos a few college age guys played guitar and then handed it off to one of our guys and they took turns playing worship songs. It was great.

A few things about Mexican culture. I'm sure you've heard of "Mexican time" i love this concept. Just in case you haven't they work at their own pace. We never ate at the same time except for breakfast. We would work until we got what we wanted to get done accomplished then we'd eat lunch and sit around and enjoy each other's company and rest for 30-45min. then go back to work until we got enough done or the light was gone. Two things i will take back about their culture is that they are relational and appreciative. In church they are grateful for things such as: God providing food that week, their child no longer being sick because they don't have a doctor or even that they had the strength to walk to church. They love to be around each other they spend a lot of their time around one another and talking and investing in lives. They are also so giving, material possessions mean nothing to them. I have two great examples of this: 1) One of the girls on the trip commented on how she liked her host mom's necklace and she took it off her neck and gave it to her. She didn't think twice about it. 2) one of the girls asked for seconds and the pastor took one of the two tacos and handed it to her. When she realized what was going on she said "Oh no, i couldn't take your dinner" and he said "God gave me the gift of food and i want you to have this". She already had plenty but there was no way she was going to talk him out of it.

I am back now. Not really sure where to go from here. My heart is in Mexico and wants to be relational and to have time for people and to give up my love of material possessions. However my body is here trying to catch up on homework, seeing friends and ministries. I hope to bring some of the lessons back from Mexico and apply it here but for now i'm going to seek what God wants me to do here and try to rest it up.

Oh back to God tearing down walls...through this experience God revealed to me that he wants me to do missions. I don't know when or how but after i student teach he wants me to go into educational missions. I am so excited because i love to travel and want to do missions so badly but wanted it to be his calling on my life and not my own.

There are my scattered thoughts. still processing.
Kris

optmism...

The last few weeks have been long, hard and stretching. I have stressed out a lot, sick and slept through an alarm clock because my body is just tired and weak. This weekend i had some time to soul search and dropped two things off my plate. Well technically i dropped one and the other will be over once i get back from break. However after break i'll have some more free time that should help relieve some. Anyways the purpose of this was to share some insight into some amazing things happening in my life. I am so excited to serve in Mexico. Whenever life seems to run me down serving others is a great alternative for me. Pushing aside myself and serving another always helps me to get over myself long enough to help someone else and it gives me the feeling as if i'm doing something of value. I got a taste of this last Thursday when my apartment was filled with transfers who i served pancakes to. To serve them through the infamous pancake event got me so pumped for serving and working in Mexico. I am so excited. This is one of my highlights. I was looking through my Mexico journal from last year and got so excited when remembering what was going on a year ago. I have grown so much from that trip and am so excited to see the growth that will occur this time.

I have had two amazing things happen in the last few days and these are God telling me that he hears my crys and is carrying me during these stressful and times i am too weak to walk.

1. I nearly bawled when i heard this. My mom called and we were catching up and i asked how my little brother is. He's 12 and is like a child to me, I babysit him most of his life, coached him through hard times, etc. Well she said he's been going to church twice a week and is really excited about God and reading his bible everyday. I cannot tell you how this made me feel. I'm feeling tears coming as i write this now, just to think that someone else in my family is falling in love with Jesus is something i've been praying for since i became a Christian at 13.

2. I was in a meeting today with School of Education due to concerns for my student teaching semester. I won't go into details but i went in to the meeting fully prepared for my rough classes and that i'll be professional and successful during student teaching. I didn't have to. They told me they wanted me to be aware of their concerns and that if it doesn't work i'd have to come back to SAU. Then the one said, "Kristeen we want you to know that your semester in Japan is one of the main reasons we know you can do this. That semester you took three online classes and were extremely successful. That and your adding a psychology major when you didn't need to speaks volumes and that is why your petitions have been granted." I had a HUGE WEIGHT lifted from my shoulders. I often get frustrated and think Why am i still here, why is it taking so much longer than others. God, why did you call me to Japan and then add a minor and end up here two years longer. I got my answer...it was what i needed for God to take me to the next stage in life.

GOD IS GOOD!
Wish i could say that i am fine and everything is looking up. Things are a bit low right now but i know there is a hill coming soon. Life is a roller coaster but my goal is to get to the end and say, "What a ride!"

my day started off feeling like this:



If you do not know the story i beg you to listen to it. It is one of my favorite childrens books. So great. Here's the deal with being in a bad mood. As someone who is optimistic and usually happy i feel as though there is something wrong with me when i'm not in a good mood. I feel as though a part of me is missing but remind myself that even saints have their off days. I tend to be rude to people who cannot take a hint and see that I'm not having a good day and i feel like crap being mean but am only like that on my off days.

Things got better. My roommate and Katie cheered me up at lunch but once i got back to my apartment seeing my awaiting pile of homework, the pile of dishes and having an aching ear my mood just stayed for awhile. Later on when the dishes were done and the homework pile was dented a little Nate got online and made me laugh and that was much needed. I am saying "sayonara" to this day and feeling hopeful for tomorrow and so excited for this weekend when i get a pre-break and go to Kalamazoo for the weekend.

Oh and in ONE WEEK i head out to Mexico. I am itching to travel and am so sick of papers and discussions. I want to serve (and teach) and am tired of talking about it, i dont enjoy simply talking about something i enjoy the action after. I am so ready for this semester to be over and to be a college graduate and free from SAU :0)
However until then i'll enjoy going to Mexico and serving my Lord there!

some thoughts

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the future, this summer, graduation. My heart stirs for something more than Spring Arbor. More than books, papers, iPods and dare i say it *gasp* facebook. I have been praying about opportunities out there to teach internationally. There is something in my soul that loves to serve other in other countries. Many see me as anti-american and maybe i am, not sure. I do laugh when i hear people referring to America as the greatest country in the world and like to ask them if they have visited other countries to base such a large statement on. I've only been in two countries other than America and i sorely disagree with said statement. Anyway back from the bunny trail i am hoping that God will answer some questions when i return to Mexico in thirteen days (woot woot) and i am so excited to serve his people down there. I dont know how explain it but there is something spirtually and fulfilling serving those you cannot speak to because you truly see that love is not spoken in English, it has no language barrier. How cool is that? Seriously everyone should experience that! I was not built to be comfortable and stable and maybe that means i should travel the world teaching children and loving on people, i dont know.

Currently i'm reading Wild At Heart and Captivating By John (& Staci) Eldredge. For one of the small groups i'm in we are reading both and comparing them and discussing them as a group of mature Christian men and women. Tomorrow is the first time we'll be sharing and meeting. I am excited. In reading the books i find it somewhat disturbing that i identify with the guys...not to say i don't dream of my wedding or that that prince will persue me. However i much rather venture into the woods or to some exotic place...maybe that's me being "not your average girl" i don't know.

So Monday morning ends my facebook fast. I was going to fast lunches but the day after got the worst cold i've had in a long time and decided that being sick and depriving myself of nutrition probably wasn't all that wise. I find that 99% of my e-mails are from facebook. I found myself going there in habit of checking e-mails but never signed in. I have prayed a lot and each time i got an email from facebook or thought about facebook. I can't say i have missed facebook, it was almost one less thing to worry about this last week. Today i was in Alltel and the guy was trying to sell a blackberry phone and he said the follow, no joke: "You can go on the internet and check your facebook, you have one don't you?" Seriously, when you say the internet facebook is the first that comes to mind, really?

Lastly i've stumbled upon Barlow Girls, not literally although that would be pretty amazing. Ha! You ever have those bands in your iTunes and it take a long to time to listen to them again, well if not it happens to me. I used to make my jr. high campers listen to a few songs about self image and lately i've found myself loving their lyrics. so great.

the end or as Strongbad says "It's Over"

fasting and praying

In 17 days i am heading to Mexico for my spring break missions trip. To be honest i haven't put much thought into the trip with my semester starting and me hitting the ground running and all. Last night we paused and discussed preparing our hearts through fasting and praying. In praying i asked not what i could give but what i should give. Not what i want to give but what i need to give. Facebook was the one that came first. Now not to say this will be easy but it can be something i give up and during my usual facebook time i would do homework and that truly isn't the purpose of a fast so to accompany my facebook fast i am also fasting lunches. Each time i think about eating or it is my lunch time i will pray and focus on my trip. It is day one of my lunch fasting and i have prayed a lot. I dont think we as Americans know what real hunger is. I know that is unwise and unhealthy to give up food in general which is why i gave up my lunches. Another reason i choose lunch is that is my social meal. I can sit in my apartment skipping dinner and work on homework and not think about it but lunch is a specific time i sit with friends and talk about life, etc. Not eating then will remind me why i'm fasting and thus give me opportunities to pray. Also when my stomach growls from hunger i can be reminded of those who don't get three meals a day and to pray for them as well.

I am excited to see what God has to show me this week through this and in preparing my heart for being served and serving in Obregon, Mexico.

I love to travel and my heart is full of so much joy, excitement yet preparing to be broken for Jesus once again while there.

Kris.

25 and content

The last few days have been so amazing. I have been so blessed by so many people. I have been reflecting over the last few days about my life: how far i've come, where i'm going...but before i go into that let me tell you how my birthday and post-birthday was.

Birthday: now if a flooded wall on facebook wasn't enough i had such a great birthday. I woke up to find a candy bar and a birthday banner in my kitchen left by the one and only roommate o mine! I recieved a bday poem on the door from Betsy and got a ton of birthday greetings on campus and during the class I am a T.A. a group of student leaders and faculty sang to me :0) Then Casey Butler got me the best gift ever, DAVID CROWDER BAND :0). I went into town before the concert and got the mP3 player and Wall-e i ordered with the giftcard dad sent me. Yea! The concert was oh so amazing. The first hour or the doors being openend i worked the concession stand for Mexico and had tons of people stop by to say happy birthday. After the sweet awesome concert I headed back to my apartment to find five birthday voicemails on my phone and had ten people over for cake. No joke it was fun and crazy. After stumbling upon Carpenter and other GR "friends" lies that became the joke and conversation peice all night. After a few had left Mel stopped by and handed me a hand made card that had Crowder's signature in it with a birthday message to me. So cool. Everyone went home and i did dishes and crashed. Oh and in between all these great time i got an email that said there's a great possibility that i will be living at camp after i graduate. There a few details to work out but it sounds promosing and i am so excited to see how that pans out.

Post-Birthday: I had a three girls who used to live on Alpha 2 with me yesterday stop by with pizza, cheesy bread, salad and even carrots and we had another birthday celebration. We played scum (they called it jerk) and it was a blast. We laughed, ate, played card...so great.

Reflections: I have come a long way in 25 years. I have come to know the love of Christ and have become his servant instead of thinking that i am here to be served i know i am here to serve. I have authentic and genuine friends. People who love and will be there for me regardless of what life throws my way. I have been given the gift of a college education and the passion and love for teaching children most are annnoyed with. I have also been a part of a christian community. Before SAU the only christians i knew were from church. I know what it looks like to live your faith daily and what to strive to become one day. I have worked at camp where i have such great friends who are in love with Jesus and understand me better than most people in my life.

I am so excited to see where God takes me. Take a look at the subject it's true. I am content and 25. One of my friends was picking on me today and was like "how are you 25 and single?" I laughed and said "By God's grace." It's no mistake that i'm single. God has been doing work in me so that i can bless my future relationship in using all that i've gained in my past and even lately in my life. I am happy with life and cannot wait to see what's around the corner.

Kris

short and sweet

I am dang tired for Monday is rediculously long this semester so i'm just gonna say something:

I am turning 25 in two days and i have to say that i feel blessed. God has given me so much and taught me so much. I am content and more in love with Christ then ever before. I am truly and authentically happy where i am. Completely content with where God has me right now.

God is good and he has blessed with with fantastic friends like you. I love you.

single, birthday and weekend!

Single but not diseased
So lately i have been getting so much pressure to date or dish on who i like. Okay so i realize that Wookie's birthday is this weekend which also happens to be national Hallmark buy-someone-you-love-something-because-we-say-so (aka Valentines Day). I get that this is supposed to be a time to talk about your feelings and whatever. I am tired of defending myself for being single. It's not a disease, chronic or otherwise, i don't have the symptoms for loneliness, depression or feeling all alone. For the very first time i am extremely happy with who i am. I say this not to say i am planning on being a singleton forever just to say that i am happy where i am. I'm in a good place. If something were to happen where i would start a relationship/courtship (or whatever you kids are calling it now days) i would be okay with that. I am content and content at the idea of change. Sound confusing but it's true.

Birthdays
So i am turning 25 in six days or something like that. I am excited not only for my birthday but that i get to see David Crowder and hang out with some friends :0). Yea, I'm pretty dang excited about that. I'm not one who is huge into my birthday because I'm not one for the spotlight i like things like back stage, copier room and sound board where you don't get the spotlight yet you serve. That's me. I'm not sit in the middle of the stage and talk you pretty much guarantee that most of the day on my birthday I'll be red in face from embarrassment. When i used to eat in the dc my friends would bring in a cake and the whole place would sing to me and my friends would comment every year on what shade of pink I'd be. true story.

El Weekend
This weekend i am a busy bee which is appropriate with the semester i've been in. I actually am about three days ahead just so i can stay afloat next week. Before i go into my weekend let me just say that i run from Monday at 10am until Tuesday at 8:30pm i have about four hours where i do homework for the next days. It's crazy. Anyways back to this weekend. Tonight I'm going to Kalamazoo with Bekah. We are going to a h.s. basketball game and then tomorrow bridesmaid shopping and then looking at floral shops i am so excited. I love going home with her! Then tommorrow night after our return to SAU (Wookie's birthday...wooot) Michelle, Laura, hopefully Wookie and myself will get together and celebrate our birthdays! We tend to get together and celebrate Wook and my birthday all in one night. It's always a good time. I'm excited to see them :0) I haven't had much time for friends lately unless it's on the computer but it's just not the same!

ok well i need to finish packing so i can leave!
Have a great weekend friends!

update time i suppose...

The last week has been a blurr a long exhausting blurr. I hope it's not a preview of what my last semester will be like only time will tell! My worst day is Monday so don't be too shocked if i am on long enough to check e-mail on that day! I have four classes but they are the last classes in my major and minors so they are tedious and will be keeping me busy up until Graduation! I'm also a t.a. (for a class which is for the future student leaders), am involved in three small groups and on a spring break mission team. It was nice knowing you...just kidding. Let's just say that being bored is a thing of the past! I feel like i'm constantly running somewhere so when i get back to the apartment and have to open those books all i want to do is crash on my bed. However i have set some goals for myself this semester to keep me disciplined and those are going well so far. I get up earlier than i have to and give God at least the first half hour of my day although most days it ends up being an hour :0) I am enjoying it a lot.

Well this weekend was adventerous and a good time. Friday Bekah and I went into town for some much needed groceries and then later that night we had roommie family feud night. It was a great time :) We download a free trial of family feud and we get pretty into it. it's a great time. Then we chat it up while watching tv online or tv on dvd :):):)

On Saturday we traveled to a wedding and got so lost that we missed the ceremony but made it just in time for the reception. It was a bit of a drag to miss the ceremony but she understood. I saw pictures and they did a foot washing ceremony where they both participated and that's something i think is so incredible. The conversation in the car was interesting and most of the time i was debating with the only boy present about my beliefs with male initiation. He thinks i need to be more obvious to boys and i disagreed openly. It was interesting, to say the least.

i thought this was hilarious. enjoy please.

well i hope life is well and know that although i am busy i do love you.
all of you.
even you.
Kris

my soapbox

I am going to go on a soapbox and you can agree, disagree, or discontinue reading or whatever but this is something that truly bothers me beyond unorganized teachers.

Today we had a chapel speaker. I usually cut them a break because it's hard to speak in front of at least 1,000 students: i get nervous in front of a peer group of 20 or so. However today i was just ticked right off. The speaker came up and starting talking about his struggles growing up and being in college. Then he made statements of blindness such as "People at my college struggled with drugs and alcohol but i know that isn't an area of concern on this campus" and "I can see that everyone just loves Jesus here". Okay let's take one statement at a time.

*Stepping onto the soapbox*
People at SAU don't have a problem with drugs or alcohol
Okay let's remind ourselves of Genesis and how we are a fallen world. Christian or not we have sinners at our school. We are not safe from addiction and cycles of way wrong choice. We've had students in abusive relationships, drinking problems, drug addictions, issues in pornography. I do understand that it's a Christian institution but what Christian institution doesn't have sinners who go there. One things that i love about my school is that we recognize there are struggling students. We have things put in place to help people with addictions however to dismiss it and to pretend like our struggles are only time management and to find a spouse is absolutely rediculous.

Everyone loves Jesus here
Okay once again we are a Christian school and yes i get that. First of all there is a difference between loving Jesus and being a Christian. It's sad but true. I was a Christian for five years before i understood what it meant to truly love Jesus and to be in love with him enough to change my life to what he wanted for me. It was difficult, lonely and emotionally wearing but i would do it all over again because i know that in the long run God is faithful and knows what's best for me. Secondly not everyone comes here because they love Jesus and def. most of the people in chapel wouldn't go if they didn't have to.

*stepping off soap box*

I absolutely love chapel but if it were a choice i would probably be sitting in my room typing up papers, reading chapters or heck sleeping! I'm being honest, i love chapel and through it God has taught me the importance of having a mind of your own and really diving into the scriptures the speaker gives out and seeing for yourself. I am blessed by chapel, truly.

Those are my thoughts. Feel free to disagree...
Kris

spring semester

So today struck an odd feeling in me. I am four classes away from graduation. weird. My morning class was canceled so i got the opportunity to hang out with Don, Nate and D Wag who came to promote the camp. At lunch i had to leave to a class I'm a teacher aide for and was saying goodbye to the guys and Don asked when we'd see each other again. Then D Wag says, "maybe we'll get to come to your graduation." At that moment it hit me that this was my last semester at S.A.U. :0). It's weird to think that after a few months I'll be done here and will be moving onto student teaching! I love this place but am so excited to graduate and start the next part of my life.

J term is over and that is a sad day because it was restful and i miss it already :0).

camp and stuff

So i am exhausted and about to lay down again but i thought i'd update you on life happenings.

Last Undergraduate Semster:
Spring is starting soon and i am excited to embark on my last semester as an undergrad but at the same time i absolutely love my free time and pleasure reading. I've been reading a lot about purposeful marriage and it's really gotten my heart opened to the idea of somewhere down the road being married. I'm not saying in a few months but years down the road. I'm a complicated being, after all!


The Future *dun dun dun dun*
I had my student teacher interview and we are looking for placements in the Cadillac area. If you are unaware Cadillac is where camp is located. I have been talking to my director about my homelife and how i need to be on my own and going home isn't an option. He said that if i got placed in the area for student teaching that we'd figure out housing. In my interview he said it's be a stretch but we'd see what we can do! woo hoo! If not i'll be in spring arbor living with someone, anyone who will take in a stray ;0). I'm excited to see where God takes me. I'm even more excited to be living somewhere where close by (either camp or school) I have a famiy of believers there.


My name's Kris and I'm addicted to CAMP
This weekend i went to camp to volunteer for a retreat. Initially i wasn't planning on going but Casey mentioned going and i asked if i could get a ride and it worked out. I am so glad i went. It was a mini reunion with around 10 summer staff, not to mention another 10 or so who were campers and another 5 who hung out during the day. Friday night i stayed up until 3 am talking to Lauren about home and then Saturday went to bed at 3:30am cause i was hanging with the guys and talking about what it would be like if Jesus worked at camp. Highly entertaining conversation especially having it so late at night :0). Camp truly has become so much more than a summer hang out or job. It is a family for me. Each time i come back my boss says "Welcome Home" and i get a feeling like it truly is home for me. Even with all my years at SAU it's never felt like home but a place to be productive, i have made many friends and i love to serve here but camp is like home and i love being there.


Well sleep needs to happen, i think i finally got my fever to go down...i really need to work tomorrow as it's my last day for j term :)

Good times.


Kris

I write a lot...happy 50th post!

I have had tons of time lately to sit and think. This can be good and bad- good because there are things I need to work on and bad because I don't want to dwell on it too much. God has been working on me and i have come to various conclusions.

1. Life is a mystery and i would have it no other way. I like that my life is in God's hands and that i have no idea what each day holds. Yes i know the classes and meetings i have but i don't know all that happenings each day which work together to fulfill what God wants for my life.

2. God has built me strong but he is still in construction. It seems that once i've learned to be content with life happenings something happens to remind me that i am still a work in progress. God will be working on me all my life but the important thing is that he will never give up and that each time i learn something about Him and myself and become stronger and closer to Him. All in all these are worth it in the end. God is amazing and i am humbled everyday that he would take an interest in my life.

3. I am starting my last semester of college and right now the only emotion tied to that is excitement. I know that once it gets closer I will start to feel sad and know how much I'll miss this place but for now I'm going to work each day to finish my college career as strong as possible. I have worked long and hard for this and am so excited to see where it takes me.

4. I am truly loving life. There are lows and that's a reality. I am surrounded by people who truly care about me and am growing in my relationship with Jesus. I am getting really pumped for my missions trip to Mexico and as the time gets closer my heart is started to break for the people in Mexico i will be working with and meeting while there working.

Seriously, last week was very tough for me however i am just loving life. I am content with how life is going and am excited for the things ahead for me. I am learning to let go of things and to step away from over analyzing and see things at face value.

these are my thoughts.
Kris

my hilarious computer...

My computer caught a virus and has been freaking out. The guy who works in the computer technology services gave me a website and apparently it won't load on my computer. I was trying to delete some programs and unplugged my computer from the internet. I decided to try to watch a movie on my computer and after about twenty minutes or so my computer fast forwarded to the end of the movie and the movie player closed. If that wasn't weird enough my iTunes opened and then i closed it and as i was walking away to get something from the kitchen i heard something coming from my computer i came in hearing quite loudly that my computer was playing the song "Undignified" and i just starred at my computer with nothing opened and laughed. I had to laugh, it's such an amazing experience. I mean of all the songs to be played it was a christian song. I have needed a laugh and the week has thrown me some curve balls. I laughed pretty hard and heard myself utter, "Thank you JESUS, thank you. Just thank you!"

I am headed up to camp on Friday and i am so excited. I really miss my friends and family!

Kris

it's raining, it's pouring...

I have been pretty low for the last few days. I have been praying for the truth to be revealed and when it did it wasn't very pretty and was extremely hard to swallow but it was the truth. It had been obvious that i had exchanged the truth for a lie and need to adjust my life accordingly, it's sucks but it is what it is. Today was better i was getting used to this and then home called *sigh* Initially they called because my brother couldn't find a PS2 game and thought i swiped it. I ended up finding out that my mom moved back in with her boyfriend. Let me explain that this is not a happy reunion. In fact my stomach turned when my brother told me and then when shock turned to denial handed off the phone to my sister to confirm. This is the guy who emotionally and verbally abused me for seven years and who drove me to counseling because i was so low on myself, this is who my mother is choosing to live with. If that weren't enough they moved over a week ago. According to my sister it never occurred to call me and tell me what was going on, she just figured i'd find out eventually.

So here i am socked, hurt and angry. I am unsure of how to feel. No wonder i am so freaked out when it comes to relationships, look at the example put before me. I had some time to mull it over and i think i'm okay with it. I am dissapointed that my mom felt that her loneliness was worth living with a man who on several occasions has openly admitted to dispising her daughter. According to my sister everything is going well he's off drugs, not yelling and they are doing well. In my heart i know that this "okay" is not going to last long and they will be right back where they were. My mom knows how i feel about him and knows i cannot subject myself to that abuse any longer.

Sorry for being such a downer. I know God has this all worked out and that he is teaching me through this, maybe the lesson is that i need to find someone who treats me as God has deemed that i deserve: a lesson learned from the past!

God Date...

So yesterday i was in the crummiest of moods. I talked to Mike Carpenter for awhile and came to the realization i needed some quality time with God. I had the apartment to myself so I took out the time to spend time with the one who holds me heart. So i worshiped, read, journaled, prayed and listening and listened some more. There were tears and many of them. After spending three weeks in a two bedroom trailer with nine others time alone and with my savior was amazing and needed. My heart has been heavy with a few different things which are going on with me. I most definitely needed to let go of something and was probably in the crummy mood because i knew that. Afterward i felt much better and i knew that my decision was wise and am grateful to have such an intense savior to serve. He is so much more than i deserve.

Today Laura picked me up and we braved the storm to Jackson. It was quality time and I appreciated it. I can tell her things I cannot tell many people so we talked about my decision. It was nice to talk to someone who knows me very well. I miss that.

Thursday two great things happened. One was the safe return of Nate, Kait and Rachel and i was thankful. The second was that Mike Carpenter came to Spring Arbor so i took the liberty of rounding up the Arborites to hang out. It started out with Mel, Bethany, Laura, Wook, Casey, Sarah, Eric and myself. Then Mel, Bethany, Eric and Sarah left and the rest of us sat around and talked. We decided that we would go to Wook's and then meet Chuck and Cassies for 1/2 off appetizers. We had such a blast and i don't think i've laughed that hard in a long time. It was a great time.

looking back

So i just got done with a survey looking back to 2008! In doing this i decided to look back at some livejournal entries i wrote and i truly haven't changed too much. I've learned to trust God more deeply and i have fallen more in love with him. I have learned a lot more about myself. So the two topics i journaled about to start 2008 were why singleness was looked down upon and affording college. Still things i am working on. I could go on a rant about the joy of singlehood but i don't feel that i need to. I am content where i am but in a "I could stay single or be in a relationship". I could go into it but i won't right now. I am happy where i am. I'll leave it at that.

Kris

two things!

so i am so excited to be back. I got around for work today only to discover that the school was closed due to snow. At first i was bummed but then i got online and STO was online and then i got a phone call and ended babysitting and making immediate money. I love my tutoring job but money on the spot is rather sweeeeet. So all in all it worked out. I have been so tired so i might go to bed earlier tonight. Okay my two things.

1. Today i was babysitting and usually we watch a movie but today we played games. I played Trouble, Scene It (Disney), Racko and Chutes and Ladder. When Bethy woke from her nap her older sister played online games and we played Chutes and Ladder. I kid you not this game lasted nearly a hour. Every time one of us would get up to the top we would run into one of that nasty chutes. I forgot how much board games can be. Good times.

2. Tonight while i was eating my dinner i was flipping through the channels and i landed on the news. Now lately i haven't watch it because it's been depressing but this made me laugh really hard and i had to blog about it. They were reporting about the gas prices and the anchorman says this, "Raising gas prices has gotten a lot of complaints today and another note is that the lottery tickets are still being sold at every gas station" OK, how do you not laugh at that? I mean he might as well as said if you want to afford gas there's always the chance of winning the lotto! I thought it was hilarious. I'm sure it wasn't intentional but it was amazing :)

That's my thoughts. Well not all of them but the ones i feel comfortable telling the world wide web :0)
Kris