lots of thoughts going on up there...

I have a lot of thoughts going around in my mind. Since this is my blog and you have the right to read it or get bored and move on to something a little more stimulating or entertaining i will ramble and share these thoughts going on inside!

Thoughts: It's no lie that i needed a break. I needed a break from crying and worrying. From a pile of homework. Basically i needed a me break. Not a break "all about me" that was fall break. Fall break mindset was: no homework cause i need rest, i need a break, i need to do things, me, me, and ME! This break was all about JESUS and serving others! It was exactly what we needed. (We being Jesus and I- some we time) I have found in the lowest of lows i serve someone and it's a feeling i cannot get enough of. I cooked for others, did dishes for others, and helped build a log cabin for others to use in the future. It was amazing :0). I had some sweet God times before going to bed and it kept coming back to "Kris you need to give it all to me. Not just the little stuff, i want it ALL. All your heart and all your dreams. ALL of it" Yes, when speaking to me Jesus often has to repeat something, especially simple things, over and over. Beginning of this semester i once again submitted Jesus my plan and he just smiled and said "Oh Kris. You are just so cute!" He took out his red pen and switched something around and said "Here's the deal my child. You haven't quite learned patience and the important of fully depending upon me so we're gonna work on that before we even talk about this plan." This is what I've done. I've learned a great deal of patience. I am content where i am. A year ago i wrote in a journal i found "God i wish i could know your plan so i could be patient" Even a year ago i had so much to learn, patience is not knowing and that's the whole point silly Kris Locker from last year! :0)! God is teaching me, especially through this financial and confusing boy stuff that HE is in control and he knows what he's doing. I have no idea what's going to happen next semester but I'll do what i can this semester to stay. This is not a fight I'm done fighting. It is so not over just overtime. "you don't get overtime you just GET OVER IT" :0)

My weekend: if ever i questioned God's timing it was re clarified this weekend. There wasn't a better time to chill in the wilderness building and being with others who appreciate me for who i am :0) I was able to hang out and just be me. I worked from 8am-5pm. With a lunch break of course :0)! I didn't have to worry about homework, finances, food but just looked for new ways to encourage or serve someone. It was amazing. I was star gazing and although it wasn't the same without Storvik being there (yea, Nate it just wasn't the same) i just laid there thinking about how amazing God is and how he loves me so much. I started praying that everything that was weighing on my heart and mind would take a rest for those few days and that I'd just serve and let God hold me in his arms. That moment starring at the stars totally changed the weekend. I was no long a "woe is me" Kris but a Kris that was ready to serve. I love to serve; it's such a great feeling. I got there on Thursday night and it was "Kris and da boys" which is nothing new for me pretty much how it always was. The level of amazingness was added when two ladies joined us on Friday night :0). Added to the fun, for sure! God just constantly in those two and a half days showed me how amazing he is and how much of my heart and life he deserves. Last night before i went to bed at 9:30pm (i know i'm such an elder already :)!!) i was just like, "God i'm done. I give this to you. Whatever happens i'm following you. I'm done trying to control my life again. I know i should know by now but i am a stupid human" I literally felt a burden lift...he is so great.

a few quotes i heard between Wednesday and today:
-"The church is a whore, but she's still my mother" St. Augustine Okay this one may need a bit of an explanation, folks! The church is supposed to be the bride of Jesus but has been gotten away from her love and gone after other things in the world. She has been very promiscuous since Jesus. At the same token the church is my mother because i am from the church and that's where many of my morals and belief were established. She is both a whore and my mother. Beautiful quote. I hope i explained it well, it makes sense in my head which doesn't say much :0)

- "There is no love at first sight because it's not love with insight" -Unknown. I read this is a book i was reading this weekend on some downtime. It talked about how it's impossible to fall in love with someone you just met because it takes so much insight into the person. The love "with insight" has God at the center of the relationship: as it should be.

Woah. long post :0)
Kris