If i were a pessimist this blog would detail the numerous things that are falling apart in my life. As an optimist, however, i will do no such thing and i will talk about how Jesus is amazing and is holding me through this whole thing.
Lately Mondays have been a day when everything comes at me at once and i begin to see truly how much i have to do. There were at least three times today that i was in tears. As i write this i am holding them back. Honestly, I'll probably fall asleep crying out to God. He's great to cry to, either literally or metaphorically. I wish there was just one area in particular that i felt like my life was falling apart but it feels like everything is falling apart. I feel like i just cannot do anymore and it feels as if i am stretched so thin and am being pulled in every direction. It has been a very long and emotional day. I feel as though God is equipping me for something huge. Really huge. I don't know what but i am embracing this storm about to come. I can always tell when it's coming and at the end is something amazingly unexpected whether it's a character trait developed or a scar healed. Whatever it is i am ready for it. Ready and willing to see him through it. I feel like everything is moving and i am standing still looking around wondering why i'm stuck where i am? Why is my favorite question, which is equivlent to a preschoolers, am i still a preschool Christian? I hope NOT!
Academics are kicking my butt, boys are confusing, i dont ever have enough time to give to my friends like i'd like, and i have so many people with so many expectations i am so afraid that i am going to dissapoint them. I am mostly afraid of breaking God's heart more, i am failing all around.
This may sound pessimistic but it's not. It's honesty, brutally honest, but honest. I know that i will make it through this. I'll make it; i just wanted to express how i'm feeling. One day at a time with God holding me and the end result will be something big. I have considered fasting for whatever it is that is coming! A 48 hr fast is what i think i'll do.
Storm is a'comin
Kris
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