Tell me where; tell me when!

God has been doing some pretty amazing things in my life lately. All behind the scenes "heart" stuff. In my life it's all about the small things.

Haiti opportunity:
There was an opportunity to go to Haiti and teach. However i received word today that it had been filled. Oddly enough i wasn't disappointed because my prayer through the whole thing was that someone would fill that need. Haiti's need for a teacher is bigger than my want to go. I praise GOD that someone was able to go and help there. I truly believe God put this desire in my heart to show me that i truly do have a calling for international teaching. The contact for Haiti said she was keeping my name on file and would contact me if any other jobs opened up in the upcoming months. Since i returned from Japan I've known that one day I've love to teach internationally. However lately I've been questioning if it's what i want to do or God's will for my life. I was really down and when i thought there was even a chance to teach in Haiti my entire word lit up and my heart lept. I truly believe God wanted to restore that passion in my heart and help me to see that's what he wants for me. I don't know when and i definitely have no idea where but i know that i will one day teach in another country. There are many aspects of my life which show that I'm designed for teaching internationally such as: unsettled in any place i live and never having a place where i feel like i belong and am supposed to be. I could see myself settling down in Cadillac but i really don't think that right now would be a time when i could see that. I also have never had a "potential relationship" work out. There is always a point that God reveals that it's not a good idea usually due to a lack of a very important characteristic i am looking for. God has revealed to me what I'm looking for and maybe he's not in America or maybe he will show up later on in life. I have no idea but am fully dependent of God for his timing...he's better than I am.

For Now:
For now I'm involved at camp, church and will be applying to jobs until summer starts. I am excited for this next part of my life and to see where God will take me next. I have learned so much lately about pride, stubbornness, and running to him in times of loneliness and near depression. I do believe I'm in a "valley" spiritually. This is not a bad thing because in my life it has often been the case that when i am in the valley or the low point God is preparing me for something really big. I have no idea what that is and i think it's much better in the long run not to know. For now I'm going to be faithful in the small things. I've applied to a school in Evart, MI who is looking for a teacher assistant and I'll see what happens with that. I am excited to learn more about God and myself during these next few months.

A boy break...

I'm done being dramatic.
the end.

so, where to now God?

In two weeks time i will be done with college. Completely done and with the degree i've worked incredibly hard for a long and growing 6.5 years. What comes next is a great question. I truly have no idea. I have an account on six different teaching website and there is nada in Michigan. So of course this means i have many decisions to make in a few short months.
-Do i move out of state for a job?
-If I do, how will be able to afford a place to live?
-Is it wise to stick around here when there is no way to use my degree?
-What about working abroad?
-What about the community built here in Cadillac?

I am so grateful I am not in a dating relationship or have any prospects because i am so confused right now about where i want to be.

God continually keeps reassuring me that with time he will reveal to me what he wants me to do. I am so confused, lost and frustrated and i don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it. I just feel like everyone is so stuck on their own lives that they don't have the time or take the time to listen to how i'm truly doing. It happens i guess.

Life is confusing but i am loving it. God is so good and HE is who i run to. A few nights back i decided that although exhausted i needed a heart to heart with Jesus. I prayed for like two hours and just poured out myself to him and prayed for friends and family. God is so good.

WAITING

God has been teaching me to wait upon him. To be completely honest i am ready to be in a relationship but God has not placed that man into my life yet and it's something he is teaching me to be patient about. I try to remind him i've already waited for 25 years but that doesn't seem to change anything :0) Last night i was reading in my room and came to a realization. The realization was this: I am waiting for the man God is preparing me for but right now i AM in relationship with someone who loves me deeper and has committed to never let me go and his is PERFECT and my SAVIOR! I decided to start giving him the time i have put into waiting for that mystery man out there somewhere!

Well today at church we sang "Wait upon the Lord" and i just smiled as God gave me another reminder that HE is there while i wait :0) He is soooooooooo good. Well today i was looking up songs on waiting and i came across one from the movie Fireproof. It is a phenomenal movie and this song really spoke to me...or sang to me!

The lyrics are:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Seriously to a tee my life right now. A overall theme of waiting on the LORD! I get chills listening to it. Here's the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080&fmt=18

I woke up today with a joy that cannot be explained outside of JESUS. I have waves of loneliness but God has given me such a heart to serve until my next stage in my life. He is ALL I NEED :):):)

Strength will rise as we wait upon the LORD,
Kris

Jesus' birthday and LIFE

There are a jumbled mess of things going on in my mind so im gonna just blog about them all.

Jesus' birthday.
Conviction came on Sunday when i realized that i give little to no attention to my Savior on the day of his birth. The world recognizes this day as his birth and here i am his follower and getting lost in the worldly celebration. I came home and took down all the Christmas decoration and started my very own tradition. I decorated my living room like a birthday party and if invited to any holiday parties will bring birthday cake! Jesus will be celebrated the end.

Small group:
i am in a small group for 'singles' in their 20's. I love it. love it. love it. We have been studying what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. Last night we met for December and got into a heavy discussion about the cost of a discipleship. Someone mentioned how it's not hard to sacrifice when you know it's better for you and i argued that if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be a sacrifice. Then Ryan, our leader, asked me to share my story saying that it had a lot of sacrifice. Honestly I've never thought of my faith in Jesus as sacrifice but always looked at it as following Jesus because he fulfilled me in a way nothing else would. It's a new perspective for sure.

Interning professionally:
I love interning. Truly, it is the most humbling experience and i think my relationship with Jesus has never been better. I am ready for a real job with a paycheck that are a lot a lot bigger! For right me i am using each moment to learn more about the character of Jesus. Today i was cleaning yogurt off the ceiling (seriously, humbling) and thought "Jesus was the King of King and washed people's feet...he is so more awesome then I'll ever know"

I'll be home for Christmas...kinda
So plans for Christmas are finalizing. I will go home on Christmas Eve and then either Christmas Day or the 26th i'll drive six hours to my Grandma's new home in Columbus, Ohio and she's ordering pizza and enjoying time with everyone. Apparently she's over spending the day cooking a huge meal we really don't need. Can't blame her...bring on the chance. My dad is playing for a hotel room for us and taking us to this sled park in Columbus. Then i come home on the 27th and will be at camp the next day. We have retreats from the 28th - Jan. 3rd. School starts on Jan. 4th.
I thought they called it Christmas BREAK? Ha!

Pray for opportunities to share Jesus with my family. I want to share him with them but its a fine line between annoying them with my Jesus talks and sharing with them about my life. God is so good.

Friday is Follow the Star at camp. If you dont know it's a journey of Jesus' birth. From the prophesy to his birth. You walk from one end of the camp to the other to see it. I am so excited to finally be able to experience it. Usually I'm at school swamped with work during this time so it'll be nice to enjoy it.

Kris

I'm in love and i don't care you knows it...

So i am in love. Love is a word that is tossed around a lot and the meaning of the word is just as much. I love puppies but hate cats...that kinda stuff. But this is love, true love. Authentic love. It's for real. Before i get into the details that every girl wants to know like who, how we met, etc. Let me show i know i am in love.

Here are something I've been told that you KNOW you're in love:
-You can't stop smiling when you think about him
-You hear his name and have to smile
-You want to spend every waking moment with him
-He is the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about when you go to bed.

I think it's safe to say that i am in love. We met when i was 13 but didn't truly understand his love until i gave up drinking and partying when i was 18. I was introduced by a friend. He patiently waited for me to try some other things first and then ran to his open arms. He loves me. The thing about this love is that i want to share his love with others.

Now before you freak out, i am in love with JESUS. Stop shaking your head and think about it. Jesus should be our first love. We should love him more than that cute guy in your class or at work. I cannot stop smiling when i hear his name and when i wake up in the morning i start it with prayer and exclaiming how much i love him. We should love him passionately.

I hope that today you see how much love he has given and his love is a gift that keeps on giving. Show the love of Jesus everyday.

I love him. He is all i need.
Kris

P.S. single hood isn't a disease...just so you know!

i surrender ALL...

SO time for an update on here. I'm not sure anyone even reads this but i like getting it down anyway! I could just forfeit the online journal and stick to my personal journal but i like doing so...I'm a-gonna :)

After many tears and prayers God delivered me from my emotions and feelings and i can honestly say i am finally over that hurdle. I won't say what the hurdle was (that is what the personal journal is actually for) but i will say that i was an emotional wreck for quite some time. I am not regretful of the situation because God taught me so much about myself and more importantly about HIS character through the situation. I can honestly say i have surrendered it to God and the feelings and emotions that were once so closely connected to said hurdle are gone. This is relieving and amazing. I have told a few friends before that i was "over it" and they and i both knew i wasn't but this time i truly, truly am. I know not that what i desired so badly was not what God had in store for me and looking back i am amazed that i ever was like that. A little bit ashamed but stronger for the experience.

I am so blessed right now. I am still broken at the foot of the cross. I am full of a joy that i haven't felt since i first abandoned a life of selfishness and let GOD take over my entire life. It's a joy that is full of brokenness. There is a just a point that you get so broken that you cannot do anything but follow Jesus and there is just immense joy in that. I know it's sound incredibly backward to be so joyful and broken but that's the beauty of grace. You truly don't appreciate grace until you are a place where you need it and see how beautiful it truly is. I am constantly in awe of our creator. It's so hard not to be. He is the creator of the universe and he still cares for a girl who is constantly messing in the same cycle she's done for the last four or five years. Each day is truly a gift and i was taking that for granted, like i always do. I believe in the beauty in the small things. Each day is one to bring the King of king glory and honor for who he is and what he's done. I was praying one day and came to the realization that i used the phrase "I'm giving it to you" but don't actually believe it. I would give it to him and then a few minutes later ask how that situation is going. Let go of it and LET GOD.

Seriously, though i feel so blessed and loved. Living alone is not as hard as i thought it would be. I am getting to know people my own age thanks to my church. I am learning the ropes of education with each passing day. I am learning to take everything one day at a time and to FULLY trust God with everything.

That's my life.
Thanks for reading...

update on me!

I have many things to update on. I have been learning oh so much lately. I don't know why but whenever i am at camp i don't only hear from God but i feel like he's in a loud and booming voice and the minute i go home or away and it's a faint whisper and i need to search him out. I love it here.

God is teaching me to let go. There is something i was sure i was ready for in my life and God told me no for a few months and i constantly was trying to prove how i could handle it. Eventually i gave in to his answer and am seeing how weak without him. Although this thing felt so right i was told no and i have to let it go and move on. As soon as i gave it up i was convicted of the men in my life and how i act around them and set up boundries for my emotions and for appearances of evil. So, if you are a close male friend in my life and it seems like i'm pulling away or acting strange it's because i am. I'm guarding myself and serving my husband. God and i spent a few nights chatting and diving into his words about pure living and being a light of his. My husband deserves all of my heart, whenever/if ever i meet him, i don't want to give him whatever is left of my heart. It's something i feel very strongly about. And so does Jesus.

I am being called to be a SMT Coordinator once again. I remember telling God that i would do anything at camp but i didn't feel comfortable working with high schoolers. Even as a counselor i volunteered for specialty camps senior high week. Well two years ago i volunteered *sign?* to help D Wag with the program and then when he got sick and hospitalized it feel upon my lap and last year Mike and I headed it up together. God is hilarious with my comfort zone. Well he recently told me he wants me to return and i told him that i will go where he calls and that i will trust him to bring the person to help with the program. (having talked to Mike who said he was done with camp) Then this weekend Mike told me during the meeting -where i got caught for talking- that he was going to come back for the summer. God is so good.

Okay so to the teaching thing. On Friday i said goodbye to my second grade class and it was a bit sad but a part of me was ready to move on. Today with great excitement and equally nervousness: I walked into a elementary special edu room. I have to tell you i absolutely loved every minutes of it. If that isn't a sign that it's what i was put on this earth to do...i don't know what is. I light up when working with a struggling student. I love hearing them reading and helping them out. I love it, love it, LOVE IT! Not to say i didn't like my second grade room but this is what i've studied for the last four years and what my passion lies. I seriously loved it. I got to go into a few classrooms to help out during reading times or those who missed their recess to do their missing work. I love that too. Oh and my teacher is amazing. He is laid back and so much fun. He plays with the kids and they respect him so much. We are planning on sledding party for my goodbye party and the kids have to earn it by learning 12-13 spelling lists which is part of their goals for the year. The kids were so psyched about it and it'll be great to have them out at camp experiencing the tubing hill :0)

How's that for an update?

small group

I am in a small group and i'll have to say it's nice to be in a group of people my age. I think only one of the group members is in college...everyone else is a graduate and is working or trying to figure out the next step. Yep, that's right everything isn't figured out just because you walk across that stage and accept that particular finish line. Anyways so i really prayed if this was something i was supposed to do and not something to do because i want to know people my age. There's nothing wrong with knowing people in the same place in life i am but i wanted it to God's direction in my life. I signed up and told D-Wag the minute people start paring off, I'm out! We were assured that isn't one of "those" single groups...but a group of singles wanting to learn how to serve God as a single. So, anyways we were studying discipleship and came to a perplexing verse and discussed it at length..the best we can.

I am for sure no biblical scholar but here is my interpretation of what Jesus is saying here.
Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

We discussed the harsh language and how confusing it seems knowing that Jesus is a loving God. He IS love and yet tells us to hate our family. It seems crazy, right? well first of all who said Jesus wasn't a little bit crazy? Seriously, look at this guy! Here are my thoughts on the verses and i'm going to continue to dig into it deeper. My inital thought when reading the verse was that Jesus wants the real you. He doens't want someone coming up saying, "Yeah. I love everyone." That's not real: nobody loves everyone...we are sinners. We fight with our family, we get angry. It's who we are. Then after discussing it further i came to another realization. You have to look at the audience that Jesus is talking to. Back then dropping your job and following some crazed Messiah wasn't just giving up a paycheck and stability. Back then your family defined what you did. If you were a fisherman it wasn't because you loved to do it as a boy and decided to pursue it, it was because your dad was a fisherman and your grandfather, your great-grandfather, etc. It was what your family did and you were the one who followed what they did. To give up your job was to say to your family i dont care about genealogy or family importance i'm giving it all up to follow this guy named Jesus basicly because he asked me to follow him.

I still want to look into this verse deeper. These are my thoughts. Also i was talking about how some of my family thinks i've joined a cult and we discussed how the root of cult comes from culture and how Christianity is a counter-culture thing. So i am a proud member or a counter-culture cult :0)

ding dong the car is dead...

So my chapter of my first car has offically ended. We had quite the adventure together. The irony of it was that at church today we were talking about how rich America is compared to the rest of the world and i was amazed at the statistic that there are only 8% of people in the world who own a car. Little did i know that less than an hour later i would join the 92% who didn't. Even though this is sad i am so grateful to not be hurt and when Duane picked me up he says "you got a good story" and it's so true. She was a drama queen my Lilly, my first car.

I got to church and my car was acting funny...driving a little warm but that's nothing new. This week each day something else went wrong.
Monday: left turning signal went out
Tuesday: interior lights and "door ajar" would stay on until a mile down the road
Wednesday: gages would jump while driving
Thursday: going through gas more severely than usual
Friday: radio was going in and out

So it was acting funny and that's how she was...she was temperamental and moody. She was after all my drama queen car! *keep in mind this all happened within a minute but seemed like an hour* So after church i was driving down mackinaw trail and she started shaking violently. She usually shakes if driven above 70 MPH but this was the whole thing and worse then ever before, nothing like i've ever experienced! Then there entire car was a huge cloud of smoke...i couldn't tell where it was coming from. I started to pull over and as i got just off the road she died. I parked it and turned it off and got out of the car. I grabbed my cell phone and threw it in my pocket. Praising God at the last minute i grabbed it before heading out the door. I then popped the hood to get a look to where the smoke was coming. It was everywhere and then i saw a bunch of smoke come from underneath the car. I looked and there was this huge flame just behind the tire. I took a deep breathe and praise God again that i had an "emergency 2 liter of water" in my car. I took it out and put the flame out. I took out my phone and called Duane to come and pick me up.

I texted my mom, "Car is R.I.P. I'll call you when i get back". This car has been a religious experience. I've prayed more in this car than anywhere else. Every time it started was a miracle that i had another day as a driver. Today God spared me...it sucks but it could have been SO MUCH WORSE. Seriously. It was a nice adventure that Lilly and i had. My mom feels terrible that i put so much money into something so not worth it. However how on earth would she have know? It's a good story...

So now i'm back to borrowing cars and being blessed by how amazing the friends God placed in my life. So if you have anyone who wants to get rid of a car :) or a cheap car that i can afford in like five years...:)! Above all i need prayers. God has this situation under control...completely!

high on JESUS and coffee!

So a real quick update before i have to get to work/school. Don't know which it is...it's school but i teach however i don't get paid. Anyways last night was AMAZING. I was cleaning cabins and was praying and God told me to call home. I kinda blew it off at first but then started to miss home but isn't like me at all...not to say i don't love my family but i am an independent girl who has never been homesick not even while in other countries. So, i called and talked to my mom who wasn't feeling good and got her spirits up and the she said my sister needed to talk. This was strange to even want her to talk because she hates, loathes, talking on the phone. Well she said she needed "Godly" advice and i was the first person she thought of. *touched* She has a christian friend who is alone in her faith and is feel discouraged and wants to know what to say and if i'd talk to her. I told her what i would do is write her a letter so my sister jotted down my email address and i told her to email me the girl's address and to give her my phone number and she could call me any time she needed to talk. Then i proceeded to tell my little sister, who two months ago would roll her eyes when i talked about God, about what God has done in my life in the last few years.

AMAZING!!! She told me that she has been going to church and praying these days. She wants to help her friend but she's in a place right now where she's still searching God out and doesn't completely understand her faith and told her friend she doesn't feel like she can help but came to me. My little sister is following JESUS again. You have no idea how cool this is.

Home is my mission field and i left and one of then went back to Jesus and is asking my advice to help a friend in need. I slept maybe two hours last night between excitement and three cups of coffee at Sarah's and talked to God pretty much all night. It was amazing.

Did i mention this whole thing is amazing?
Welp, gotta go!

I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH.
Kris

dream, dream, dream...

I have been dreaming and talking about this for well about four years now. I want to so badly teaching english in another country. It was almost my dream to live in a foregin country. At first i had the hurdle of finishing school (not like a school where to learn to be a lady i meant completing college) and that hurdle will be accomplished in February. I told myself "we'll see where i am...you never know" well i'm single, have no home and am young. If not now, when? You know? I don't want to get to a place where i cannot get up and go. I don't want to wait until i'm rooted too deep in life that i can't get up and leave for a year or more. Now is the perfect time. Okay not right now and maybe not even this next fall but soon. I have been talking about it, praying about it and now i am dreaming about it. I believe God has told me that it is time to put dreams into action.

Lauren and I have been talking about going to China to teach since she got back from her experience this summer. I am 100% serious about going. My plan is to sub/ get a year job and save up as much money are possible to support my moving to China (if that's where God wants me). Of course, this process won't begin until i finish everything in February. I mean i do have to priortize finishing up my semester of student teaching. God speaks to me loudest in dreams and i truly believe he is telling me that there is a passion to travel and teach in me for a reason. There is also a reason i have no ties to this country. Never dated and no prospects makes me the perfect person to move. I told my brother this today and it made him sad. I know he's happy for me but i think he fears (what may come true) that i may not come back if i go. It's not going to happen for at least a year and half but i am so excited about it. For real.

This is me just getting my heart down on my blog but this is where i'm at. I love teaching and i do love my friends and family here. But being single (and so single i couldn't imagine starting any relationship due to my heart being saved for the long distance future if ever) and the fact that i'm young and have an intense passion to travel. All signs point to packing up and getting out of here.

My thoughts are everywhere and my heart leaps as i write about me leaving this country behind. My heart is another country...now if i could find that country but all in time. all in time.

update on my life

I feel like each day is a flash of light these days. In a month from now i will half way through my student teaching semester and this is just crazy. I decided to sit down and update you on my life thus far since it's been so long that i've updated the two of you who read this.

Teaching is amazing and oh so exhausting. I have never felt so exhausted before. I have been teaching full time for two weeks now and have three weeks after to look forward to it. It's not that bad i actually really love it and it's what i want to do with my life so it's nice to be FINALLY doing it.

My car is special. Jeff looked at it and said the engine is pretty much shot. It's a local car now and will be driven until it officially dies. So pretty much every time it starts i count it a miracle to be able to use her for another day. I have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do when she dies but haven't really put too much thought into it. Intially i felt like someone punched me when i heard but it's in God's hands and i know somehow someway he will provide and supply all of my needs. If all else fails Tustin isn't that far...a little cold but not far :)

So not too much else is changed but a few things have. I am still the same person but i think God is improving some things. God has been teaching me contentment and i can say with absolutely certainty and honesty that i am happy with life right now. This is amazing cause it's what i wanted and prayed for and now i have it. Not to say that all of my dreams are coming true...not quite the picket fence i imagined as a child having when i was in my mid 20's but i live among people who love and care for me and i wake up every morning and love what i'm doing. pretty close to my dreams.

There are a few other very minor changes in my life. One odd things is that i've discovered a random love of diet coke, which i'm sure is a sign of aging :) Another sign of aging is that by 9 i am nodding off and the latest i stay up on a usual night is about 9:30. Most Thursdays i stay up until 11 or midnight (WOAH i know) It's my one night of adult conversation and company with Sarah, Kevin, Dan and Justin. It's a great night and i look forward to it.

Well before i end this i have to share a conversation with a student today:

Student: Mrs. Locker how many kids do you have?
Me: I don't have any kids.
Student: Oh does your husband not want kids?
Me: I don't have a husband, and should probably get married before i have kids
Student: Oh my gosh i didn't know you weren't married.
Me: That's okay. No, i'm not married.
Student: *looks worried* Well do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No i don't.
Student: *still worried* Well you better get one. How else will you get married and have kids?
Me: *chuckles* (How could you not?) I am focusing on teaching and being with you guys
Student: Oh, well i guess i'm okay with that.

They are hilarious. In her mind any adult should be married and have kids. I'm glad she's okay with me focusing on her and the class.

Such good times.
Kris

In the road of life there are bumps many of them geizer size...

Let me just start off by saying this "GOD is good. He is so good. He is more than enough for me" I know this is said a lot in songs and what not but he has revealed to me lately how very true this is.

I'm in a very weird transition right now in my life. Not a college student and not quite an "full time employed- rent paying adult." I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Truthfully as awkward of a transition i'm in...i am so loving every minute of it. I am content where i am and excited to see where i'm headed after this stage i'm in right now. It's a nice place to be because no matter what life throws at me i'm ready for it. Whether God takes me to another state or country for a job (after the three wedding this summer) or if i find a job here and move in with the DelGanceys (could you imagine)!!! I'm ready for whatever God wants for me.

I have been learning a lot. I have been working in one of the toughest and roughest class my cooperating teacher has ever seen and i love it. It's challenging, exhausting and i love it. I think this is God's way of both preparing me and proving to me that this what i was designed to do. When you work so hard to do something you start to wonder "this is all i've been working toward what if it's not for me?" And when you think that and get into a tough spot and love it...you know that is God working. He is working.

HE IS SO GOOD.
The end.

morphing into Ms. Locker

I am still trying to catch my breath. I have two more days and then a weekend and hopefully an opportunity to sleep somewhere in there. I started to school on Tuesday (yesterday) let me just say that i was in bed by 9pm. I wake up from 6am- 6:15 and from then until around 4 pm i am thinking about curriculum, discipline, lesson plans and what to do about those boys who will not stay on task. I got home around 4:30 yesterday because we had our first staff meeting. So far i haven't felt like the newbie at all which is a good feeling. I am treated like one of the teachers and if anything they often reassure me that things to get better and easier. I eat lunch with the other second grade teachers and feel like a babe as they are talking about grandchildren and when they will retire. I'm not even starting teaching and they are decided whether this year or next would be the time to retire. It has been nice because a lot have said they don't know if they want to retire because they love teaching so much...even the ones who've done it for thirty years...that makes me feel better. Also they all talk about how much their husbands and kids ask of them and that makes me truly appreciate the single life. I don't have someone expecting me home or asking me to get out of my planning book...i come home to a quiet and empty little home and i have to admit it that i enjoy more than i ever thought i would. Seriously, God was right when he told me i wasn't ready for a relationship. He's so good.

So today at school was better. I'm not nearly as exhausted and the students were better behaved. They listened better and are starting to see the routine a little bit better. We have 17 boys and 7 girls. It's a lot of boys but i can tell it'll be a blast. Tomorrow my teacher has to go to the funeral and so i'm in charge of the class for a few hours. I am excited to early get the students to see me as their teacher. They are so fun and a constant surprise.

It'll take awhile to get used to being called "Ms. Locker" but i like it.

Fill a bucket today, k?

BUCKET FILLERS
Have You Filled a Bucket Today? The idea of Bucket Fillers is based on the book "Have You Filled A Bucket Today? (A Guide to Daily Happiness For Kids)" by Carol McCloud. The premise of the book is this...

We all carry an invisible bucket that contains our feelings. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When our bucket is empty, we feel sad. A bucket filler is someone who says or does nice things for other people. By doing this, they are filling other people's buckets and filling their own bucket at the same time.

On the other hand, a bucket dipper says or does things to cause other people to feel bad. A bucket dipper empties their bucket when they say and do mean things.

In our classroom, each student has a bucket on our Bucket Filler bulletin board. Everyone is encouraged to fill the buckets by writing kind words and compliments to each other. At the end of the week, we empty the buckets and read the nice things our friends left for us when they filled our buckets.

the looooooongest weekend!

So this weekend i had to go to Spring Arbor for a seminar. I stopped by home to visit with my family and it was a great visit. My step dad and i got along and actually held a civil conversation and if you know me...you know how huge that is. I got the car packed and headed out. I got about a half hour away from home and my car overheated and died. After waiting along the side of a road for what seemed like forever but was actually (only) two hours a nice stranger stopped by and let me call home. My step dad came and pulled me back home. We looked at the car to discover that the starter went out and so we got a new one and then the next day i tried once again to head to Spring Arbor only to have history repeat itself. However this time i had a cell phone. Yes you just read that correct: I, Kris Locker, have a cell phone. My mom completely freaked out that i was stranded in the middle of nowhere for two hours without any help went out and bought me a prepaid cell phone and put minutes on it. She is going to put about 100 minutes a month on it for me for the traveling and such. So this time i called home and had them get me...again. At this point i had officially lost it and was crying when they came to get me. My uncle looked at it and said it was the alternator so we changed that and last night at 8pm i turned the key and my stomach dropped as it only made the *click click click* sound.

So after a few hundred dollars and two days of missing important meetings and sessions i talked it over with my mom and she decided to drop me off. By the time we got things around, found babysitters, etc it was nearing after midnight. I told her that i could wait until morning but she insisted she would get me there this morning for my teacher in-services all day. So i finally rolled in at 3:30 gave my mom an official tour of my cabin and unpacked the truck. I went to the office to see if my teacher had emailed me and then went to bed. I finally fell asleep at 4 and woke up to get ready at 7. I woke up pretty exhausted and got ready for the day. I borrowed a camp van and drove to Pine River HS and sat through a day of meetings, lectures and presentations. I met a lot of the teachers in the area and talked to my principal.

I am so glad to be back. I am thankful to God that this all happened only 30 minutes from my mom's house and that my step dad was in a good mood and actually civil toward me. Although this was so frustrating and emotionally exhausting God had his hand on it. He is so good. so good.

My mom just called and said the new started apparently shorted out when it over heated the second time and we have to replace it and the radiator is bad. Hopefully *praying hard* it can be fixed and be dropped off back to me on Monday (my one and only day off for awhile) :)

That it...my long weekend. A weekend of crying, praying, crying and praying. Oh and praying, praying, praying. It was a very spiritual weekend for me.

Kris

student teaching...almost here

WARNING: a vast majority of my post after this point will be about teaching, cute kid stories, etc. So if you're not "into the education stuff" you'll probably be pretty bored with my journal...you've been pre-warned!

Today i went in to do some pre-planning for the fall. My teacher and i get along so well she is just great. She is organized, likes group work, and loves loves loves English and stuff. It makes me feel a lot better that she's not thrilled with math either: i'm not alone :0)! We were talking and she said i'll be teaching in October and then i looked down and saw the word "Pirate" and i thought there is no way that says that cause that would be AMAZING. Sure enough in October i will be teaching a thematic unit on Pirates. Oh my gosh, so excited. It ends with Halloween where we all dress up like pirates...i am so pumped you have no idea! My first teaching experience and i get a sweet theme like pirates...is God good or what?!?

I truly am so psyched about it. And i found this resale shop in town and got nice dress/ teacher type clothes for 2-3 dollars. Woah! Life is just good. I am so excited for what God has in store for me in the next few months. I was just thinking today about how much I've gone through and how far i've come in a year. It's amazing.
HE is amazing!


I am off on vacation next week and i am so pumped for that as well. I am going to sleeeeeeep, read, sleeeeeeeeep, eat, sleeeeeeeeeep, sit in the hammock, sleeeeeeeeep, hopefully drink some coffee, and above else i will sleeeeeeeep!

That is all and YES I am excited!
Kris

a quick update....

This week is Woodside rental group at camp. I have enjoyed getting to know some of the staff a little bit better :0). Some i already knew well, while others not so much. I have been a slave to the climbing tower and flying squirrel and i am thrilled to announce that this morning is my last flying squirrel session....*note the huge grin upon my face* :0).

In other news i feel like garbage. Usually when i feel like this it's my body's way and more than often God's way of telling me to slow down and take a breather. So i have been napping and this week is a good week to nap since i have a lot of down time. I am so tired and have man voice each morning.....gewd times! Today is the last program day and then i have two weeks "off." The first week I will be going to the Elementary each day to begin organization for the semesters. Then the next week is a mystery to me. Maybe vacationing maybe sleeping at camp all week. Either way week number two will be a lot of sleeping and doing nothing. NOTHING. :0)

I think you are great, especially you!
Pray for me...it's never a bad idea!
Kris

submissions and servanthood

Camp is done and it's always hard for me. Hard to see so many people I lived with two months go but this year is harder for than any other one. Usually i would be up here for a few rentals and then off to my life. My life of school work, living with my roommate (who i loved living with cause we worked so great together), and being involved on campus...that is not happening this year. I am staying here. Slowly people are leaving and telling me about what the fall holds for them. Don't get me wrong this is not a "woe is me". I am blessed beyond what i can understand right now.

I have a place to live, a place that i love and a place i can call home. I have to honestly say i don't think i've ever had a place i could call home. I've either lived at school, or with my mom's boyfriend (whichever one it was at the time). I am so pumped to have a place to call home and to feel wanted and loved.

Okay back to the summer. This summer for me was very hard but by the end of the summer i was astounded by how much i had grown in my walk with Christ. It's hard to believe anyone can grow that much. Only few people knew my internal struggle all summer. I cried a lot, prayed a lot and leaned on JESUS to fulfill all my needs. He began to teach me about submission and servant hood. Prior to camp he taught me the beauty of the unknown service and the little things we do to serve others. Whether that would be a little note or picking up trash so the next person wouldn't have to. At camp he taught me what being joyful always really truly means and how to submit to doing something even if it's not how i felt. So every time i made a copy, refilled the clipboards at the waterfront, wrote down a list for the SMTs or even grabbed an extra cookie for someone it was an act of service to Jesus. He taught me a lot about laying aside my wants and desires and following after him. Laying down what i think is right for me and allowing him to take control.

I have no clue wh at this next year hold and for me there is nothing more thrilling. When you have nothing and no clue where you're going you have no choice but to follow him with your whole body, soul, mind and being. NO CHOICE.

So to those of you who worked with me this summer thanks for allowing me to serve you and for letting me see God's character in you. God is so amazing and i love you all so much more than i could ever begin to describe. I am here if you ever need to talk or have something you want me to pray about.

Kris

a day off....time to update!

I have the day off so I’m sitting in Cadillac, Mi at one of my fave coffee shops: drinking coffee and chilling. I have been here since about 12:30 and am nowhere near ready to leave yet. I love that feeling. The non-rushed feeling. There are a variety of thoughts bouncing around this head of mine. I’ll try to somehow organize them cause well that’s who I am. I am organized girl even on my day off :0)

Let’s start with camp and how I am so incredibly blessed. God has been teaching me how to each day is a new start and how to trust him in EVERYTHING. That the little things he had me give up in the school year has just flowed into the big things I need to trust him with such as relationships (or lack thereof) and finances and basically the future. He has been so good to me. Part of me fears that I will wake up and realize it’s all a dream and that at the end of the summer I have to move back home *that would be a nightmare friends*. I know that is crap and I tell Satan that he is a jerk and that God’s plans are so much bigger and better than my own. HE is so good.

On to God lessons. Last Sunday I was in church and Pastor Jack was speaking on emotional baggage and how we have to let it go. This hit me two fold.

First of all I was holding on to my baggage and using it as an excuse to not date or want to date. I must admit I’ve often thought about dating but the fear of having to open up to another person about my past baggage and my family scares the crap out of me and I don’t want to be that vulnerable to another person, especially a male who in my life seems to be the ones who are the best at hurting me so much deeper than any girl. I know this is crap. It is and that is why I gave up this thinking and realized it’s not my fear but Satan throwing my past crap back into my face and calling it “being cautious or guarding my heart”. He’s an idiot. Enough said.

The second one was that I became heavily burdened for my family. They have so much baggage and they just are so lost and don’t know the freedom that is in Christ. They see it in me but cannot understand or grasp the concept. They are my mission field and I love them more deeply then they’ll ever ever know. They will always be apart of who I am and in my heart. They will always be first after Jesus. If they need food I’ll provide, if they need a place to crash and I have my own place they have ultimate dibbs, if they need someone to talk to it doesn’t matter when they know they can call me. God has put me into this family and it’s sad that it took me so long to see why. I am there to serve them and attend their needs and to show them what authentic Christianity looks like. They know the Bible and they know “Christians” but unfortunately their view hasn’t been very positive. God created me a stubbornness and rough exterior to stick through tough time and I believe that is why I am still a Christian among all the trials we faced as a family. When churches treated us like crap and asked us to leave the church. Oh I could go into a long rant but won’t. If you want that rant talk to me sometime and I’ll go into how badly of a witness my introductory church was!

I am letting go. Two weeks ago it was revealed to me that the guy that I liked and I thought maybe he liked me back wasn't interested. God is teaching me to be content with my single hood and it’s hard but it’s what God wants for me at this time. I finally got the answer I wanted. Maybe not “the answer I wanted” but I wanted an answer. My joy is in the LORD and that is not in circumstances. I’m trying to live out Philippians out. If I could turn off my emotions I would but God is teaching me how having feelings aren’t a sin but what you do with them can lead to sin.

All this to say I am extremely blessed right now and God is teaching me so much.

How's that for an update?
Kris