high on JESUS and coffee!

So a real quick update before i have to get to work/school. Don't know which it is...it's school but i teach however i don't get paid. Anyways last night was AMAZING. I was cleaning cabins and was praying and God told me to call home. I kinda blew it off at first but then started to miss home but isn't like me at all...not to say i don't love my family but i am an independent girl who has never been homesick not even while in other countries. So, i called and talked to my mom who wasn't feeling good and got her spirits up and the she said my sister needed to talk. This was strange to even want her to talk because she hates, loathes, talking on the phone. Well she said she needed "Godly" advice and i was the first person she thought of. *touched* She has a christian friend who is alone in her faith and is feel discouraged and wants to know what to say and if i'd talk to her. I told her what i would do is write her a letter so my sister jotted down my email address and i told her to email me the girl's address and to give her my phone number and she could call me any time she needed to talk. Then i proceeded to tell my little sister, who two months ago would roll her eyes when i talked about God, about what God has done in my life in the last few years.

AMAZING!!! She told me that she has been going to church and praying these days. She wants to help her friend but she's in a place right now where she's still searching God out and doesn't completely understand her faith and told her friend she doesn't feel like she can help but came to me. My little sister is following JESUS again. You have no idea how cool this is.

Home is my mission field and i left and one of then went back to Jesus and is asking my advice to help a friend in need. I slept maybe two hours last night between excitement and three cups of coffee at Sarah's and talked to God pretty much all night. It was amazing.

Did i mention this whole thing is amazing?
Welp, gotta go!

I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH.
Kris

dream, dream, dream...

I have been dreaming and talking about this for well about four years now. I want to so badly teaching english in another country. It was almost my dream to live in a foregin country. At first i had the hurdle of finishing school (not like a school where to learn to be a lady i meant completing college) and that hurdle will be accomplished in February. I told myself "we'll see where i am...you never know" well i'm single, have no home and am young. If not now, when? You know? I don't want to get to a place where i cannot get up and go. I don't want to wait until i'm rooted too deep in life that i can't get up and leave for a year or more. Now is the perfect time. Okay not right now and maybe not even this next fall but soon. I have been talking about it, praying about it and now i am dreaming about it. I believe God has told me that it is time to put dreams into action.

Lauren and I have been talking about going to China to teach since she got back from her experience this summer. I am 100% serious about going. My plan is to sub/ get a year job and save up as much money are possible to support my moving to China (if that's where God wants me). Of course, this process won't begin until i finish everything in February. I mean i do have to priortize finishing up my semester of student teaching. God speaks to me loudest in dreams and i truly believe he is telling me that there is a passion to travel and teach in me for a reason. There is also a reason i have no ties to this country. Never dated and no prospects makes me the perfect person to move. I told my brother this today and it made him sad. I know he's happy for me but i think he fears (what may come true) that i may not come back if i go. It's not going to happen for at least a year and half but i am so excited about it. For real.

This is me just getting my heart down on my blog but this is where i'm at. I love teaching and i do love my friends and family here. But being single (and so single i couldn't imagine starting any relationship due to my heart being saved for the long distance future if ever) and the fact that i'm young and have an intense passion to travel. All signs point to packing up and getting out of here.

My thoughts are everywhere and my heart leaps as i write about me leaving this country behind. My heart is another country...now if i could find that country but all in time. all in time.

update on my life

I feel like each day is a flash of light these days. In a month from now i will half way through my student teaching semester and this is just crazy. I decided to sit down and update you on my life thus far since it's been so long that i've updated the two of you who read this.

Teaching is amazing and oh so exhausting. I have never felt so exhausted before. I have been teaching full time for two weeks now and have three weeks after to look forward to it. It's not that bad i actually really love it and it's what i want to do with my life so it's nice to be FINALLY doing it.

My car is special. Jeff looked at it and said the engine is pretty much shot. It's a local car now and will be driven until it officially dies. So pretty much every time it starts i count it a miracle to be able to use her for another day. I have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do when she dies but haven't really put too much thought into it. Intially i felt like someone punched me when i heard but it's in God's hands and i know somehow someway he will provide and supply all of my needs. If all else fails Tustin isn't that far...a little cold but not far :)

So not too much else is changed but a few things have. I am still the same person but i think God is improving some things. God has been teaching me contentment and i can say with absolutely certainty and honesty that i am happy with life right now. This is amazing cause it's what i wanted and prayed for and now i have it. Not to say that all of my dreams are coming true...not quite the picket fence i imagined as a child having when i was in my mid 20's but i live among people who love and care for me and i wake up every morning and love what i'm doing. pretty close to my dreams.

There are a few other very minor changes in my life. One odd things is that i've discovered a random love of diet coke, which i'm sure is a sign of aging :) Another sign of aging is that by 9 i am nodding off and the latest i stay up on a usual night is about 9:30. Most Thursdays i stay up until 11 or midnight (WOAH i know) It's my one night of adult conversation and company with Sarah, Kevin, Dan and Justin. It's a great night and i look forward to it.

Well before i end this i have to share a conversation with a student today:

Student: Mrs. Locker how many kids do you have?
Me: I don't have any kids.
Student: Oh does your husband not want kids?
Me: I don't have a husband, and should probably get married before i have kids
Student: Oh my gosh i didn't know you weren't married.
Me: That's okay. No, i'm not married.
Student: *looks worried* Well do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No i don't.
Student: *still worried* Well you better get one. How else will you get married and have kids?
Me: *chuckles* (How could you not?) I am focusing on teaching and being with you guys
Student: Oh, well i guess i'm okay with that.

They are hilarious. In her mind any adult should be married and have kids. I'm glad she's okay with me focusing on her and the class.

Such good times.
Kris

In the road of life there are bumps many of them geizer size...

Let me just start off by saying this "GOD is good. He is so good. He is more than enough for me" I know this is said a lot in songs and what not but he has revealed to me lately how very true this is.

I'm in a very weird transition right now in my life. Not a college student and not quite an "full time employed- rent paying adult." I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Truthfully as awkward of a transition i'm in...i am so loving every minute of it. I am content where i am and excited to see where i'm headed after this stage i'm in right now. It's a nice place to be because no matter what life throws at me i'm ready for it. Whether God takes me to another state or country for a job (after the three wedding this summer) or if i find a job here and move in with the DelGanceys (could you imagine)!!! I'm ready for whatever God wants for me.

I have been learning a lot. I have been working in one of the toughest and roughest class my cooperating teacher has ever seen and i love it. It's challenging, exhausting and i love it. I think this is God's way of both preparing me and proving to me that this what i was designed to do. When you work so hard to do something you start to wonder "this is all i've been working toward what if it's not for me?" And when you think that and get into a tough spot and love it...you know that is God working. He is working.

HE IS SO GOOD.
The end.

morphing into Ms. Locker

I am still trying to catch my breath. I have two more days and then a weekend and hopefully an opportunity to sleep somewhere in there. I started to school on Tuesday (yesterday) let me just say that i was in bed by 9pm. I wake up from 6am- 6:15 and from then until around 4 pm i am thinking about curriculum, discipline, lesson plans and what to do about those boys who will not stay on task. I got home around 4:30 yesterday because we had our first staff meeting. So far i haven't felt like the newbie at all which is a good feeling. I am treated like one of the teachers and if anything they often reassure me that things to get better and easier. I eat lunch with the other second grade teachers and feel like a babe as they are talking about grandchildren and when they will retire. I'm not even starting teaching and they are decided whether this year or next would be the time to retire. It has been nice because a lot have said they don't know if they want to retire because they love teaching so much...even the ones who've done it for thirty years...that makes me feel better. Also they all talk about how much their husbands and kids ask of them and that makes me truly appreciate the single life. I don't have someone expecting me home or asking me to get out of my planning book...i come home to a quiet and empty little home and i have to admit it that i enjoy more than i ever thought i would. Seriously, God was right when he told me i wasn't ready for a relationship. He's so good.

So today at school was better. I'm not nearly as exhausted and the students were better behaved. They listened better and are starting to see the routine a little bit better. We have 17 boys and 7 girls. It's a lot of boys but i can tell it'll be a blast. Tomorrow my teacher has to go to the funeral and so i'm in charge of the class for a few hours. I am excited to early get the students to see me as their teacher. They are so fun and a constant surprise.

It'll take awhile to get used to being called "Ms. Locker" but i like it.

Fill a bucket today, k?

BUCKET FILLERS
Have You Filled a Bucket Today? The idea of Bucket Fillers is based on the book "Have You Filled A Bucket Today? (A Guide to Daily Happiness For Kids)" by Carol McCloud. The premise of the book is this...

We all carry an invisible bucket that contains our feelings. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When our bucket is empty, we feel sad. A bucket filler is someone who says or does nice things for other people. By doing this, they are filling other people's buckets and filling their own bucket at the same time.

On the other hand, a bucket dipper says or does things to cause other people to feel bad. A bucket dipper empties their bucket when they say and do mean things.

In our classroom, each student has a bucket on our Bucket Filler bulletin board. Everyone is encouraged to fill the buckets by writing kind words and compliments to each other. At the end of the week, we empty the buckets and read the nice things our friends left for us when they filled our buckets.

the looooooongest weekend!

So this weekend i had to go to Spring Arbor for a seminar. I stopped by home to visit with my family and it was a great visit. My step dad and i got along and actually held a civil conversation and if you know me...you know how huge that is. I got the car packed and headed out. I got about a half hour away from home and my car overheated and died. After waiting along the side of a road for what seemed like forever but was actually (only) two hours a nice stranger stopped by and let me call home. My step dad came and pulled me back home. We looked at the car to discover that the starter went out and so we got a new one and then the next day i tried once again to head to Spring Arbor only to have history repeat itself. However this time i had a cell phone. Yes you just read that correct: I, Kris Locker, have a cell phone. My mom completely freaked out that i was stranded in the middle of nowhere for two hours without any help went out and bought me a prepaid cell phone and put minutes on it. She is going to put about 100 minutes a month on it for me for the traveling and such. So this time i called home and had them get me...again. At this point i had officially lost it and was crying when they came to get me. My uncle looked at it and said it was the alternator so we changed that and last night at 8pm i turned the key and my stomach dropped as it only made the *click click click* sound.

So after a few hundred dollars and two days of missing important meetings and sessions i talked it over with my mom and she decided to drop me off. By the time we got things around, found babysitters, etc it was nearing after midnight. I told her that i could wait until morning but she insisted she would get me there this morning for my teacher in-services all day. So i finally rolled in at 3:30 gave my mom an official tour of my cabin and unpacked the truck. I went to the office to see if my teacher had emailed me and then went to bed. I finally fell asleep at 4 and woke up to get ready at 7. I woke up pretty exhausted and got ready for the day. I borrowed a camp van and drove to Pine River HS and sat through a day of meetings, lectures and presentations. I met a lot of the teachers in the area and talked to my principal.

I am so glad to be back. I am thankful to God that this all happened only 30 minutes from my mom's house and that my step dad was in a good mood and actually civil toward me. Although this was so frustrating and emotionally exhausting God had his hand on it. He is so good. so good.

My mom just called and said the new started apparently shorted out when it over heated the second time and we have to replace it and the radiator is bad. Hopefully *praying hard* it can be fixed and be dropped off back to me on Monday (my one and only day off for awhile) :)

That it...my long weekend. A weekend of crying, praying, crying and praying. Oh and praying, praying, praying. It was a very spiritual weekend for me.

Kris

student teaching...almost here

WARNING: a vast majority of my post after this point will be about teaching, cute kid stories, etc. So if you're not "into the education stuff" you'll probably be pretty bored with my journal...you've been pre-warned!

Today i went in to do some pre-planning for the fall. My teacher and i get along so well she is just great. She is organized, likes group work, and loves loves loves English and stuff. It makes me feel a lot better that she's not thrilled with math either: i'm not alone :0)! We were talking and she said i'll be teaching in October and then i looked down and saw the word "Pirate" and i thought there is no way that says that cause that would be AMAZING. Sure enough in October i will be teaching a thematic unit on Pirates. Oh my gosh, so excited. It ends with Halloween where we all dress up like pirates...i am so pumped you have no idea! My first teaching experience and i get a sweet theme like pirates...is God good or what?!?

I truly am so psyched about it. And i found this resale shop in town and got nice dress/ teacher type clothes for 2-3 dollars. Woah! Life is just good. I am so excited for what God has in store for me in the next few months. I was just thinking today about how much I've gone through and how far i've come in a year. It's amazing.
HE is amazing!


I am off on vacation next week and i am so pumped for that as well. I am going to sleeeeeeep, read, sleeeeeeeeep, eat, sleeeeeeeeeep, sit in the hammock, sleeeeeeeeep, hopefully drink some coffee, and above else i will sleeeeeeeep!

That is all and YES I am excited!
Kris

a quick update....

This week is Woodside rental group at camp. I have enjoyed getting to know some of the staff a little bit better :0). Some i already knew well, while others not so much. I have been a slave to the climbing tower and flying squirrel and i am thrilled to announce that this morning is my last flying squirrel session....*note the huge grin upon my face* :0).

In other news i feel like garbage. Usually when i feel like this it's my body's way and more than often God's way of telling me to slow down and take a breather. So i have been napping and this week is a good week to nap since i have a lot of down time. I am so tired and have man voice each morning.....gewd times! Today is the last program day and then i have two weeks "off." The first week I will be going to the Elementary each day to begin organization for the semesters. Then the next week is a mystery to me. Maybe vacationing maybe sleeping at camp all week. Either way week number two will be a lot of sleeping and doing nothing. NOTHING. :0)

I think you are great, especially you!
Pray for me...it's never a bad idea!
Kris

submissions and servanthood

Camp is done and it's always hard for me. Hard to see so many people I lived with two months go but this year is harder for than any other one. Usually i would be up here for a few rentals and then off to my life. My life of school work, living with my roommate (who i loved living with cause we worked so great together), and being involved on campus...that is not happening this year. I am staying here. Slowly people are leaving and telling me about what the fall holds for them. Don't get me wrong this is not a "woe is me". I am blessed beyond what i can understand right now.

I have a place to live, a place that i love and a place i can call home. I have to honestly say i don't think i've ever had a place i could call home. I've either lived at school, or with my mom's boyfriend (whichever one it was at the time). I am so pumped to have a place to call home and to feel wanted and loved.

Okay back to the summer. This summer for me was very hard but by the end of the summer i was astounded by how much i had grown in my walk with Christ. It's hard to believe anyone can grow that much. Only few people knew my internal struggle all summer. I cried a lot, prayed a lot and leaned on JESUS to fulfill all my needs. He began to teach me about submission and servant hood. Prior to camp he taught me the beauty of the unknown service and the little things we do to serve others. Whether that would be a little note or picking up trash so the next person wouldn't have to. At camp he taught me what being joyful always really truly means and how to submit to doing something even if it's not how i felt. So every time i made a copy, refilled the clipboards at the waterfront, wrote down a list for the SMTs or even grabbed an extra cookie for someone it was an act of service to Jesus. He taught me a lot about laying aside my wants and desires and following after him. Laying down what i think is right for me and allowing him to take control.

I have no clue wh at this next year hold and for me there is nothing more thrilling. When you have nothing and no clue where you're going you have no choice but to follow him with your whole body, soul, mind and being. NO CHOICE.

So to those of you who worked with me this summer thanks for allowing me to serve you and for letting me see God's character in you. God is so amazing and i love you all so much more than i could ever begin to describe. I am here if you ever need to talk or have something you want me to pray about.

Kris

a day off....time to update!

I have the day off so I’m sitting in Cadillac, Mi at one of my fave coffee shops: drinking coffee and chilling. I have been here since about 12:30 and am nowhere near ready to leave yet. I love that feeling. The non-rushed feeling. There are a variety of thoughts bouncing around this head of mine. I’ll try to somehow organize them cause well that’s who I am. I am organized girl even on my day off :0)

Let’s start with camp and how I am so incredibly blessed. God has been teaching me how to each day is a new start and how to trust him in EVERYTHING. That the little things he had me give up in the school year has just flowed into the big things I need to trust him with such as relationships (or lack thereof) and finances and basically the future. He has been so good to me. Part of me fears that I will wake up and realize it’s all a dream and that at the end of the summer I have to move back home *that would be a nightmare friends*. I know that is crap and I tell Satan that he is a jerk and that God’s plans are so much bigger and better than my own. HE is so good.

On to God lessons. Last Sunday I was in church and Pastor Jack was speaking on emotional baggage and how we have to let it go. This hit me two fold.

First of all I was holding on to my baggage and using it as an excuse to not date or want to date. I must admit I’ve often thought about dating but the fear of having to open up to another person about my past baggage and my family scares the crap out of me and I don’t want to be that vulnerable to another person, especially a male who in my life seems to be the ones who are the best at hurting me so much deeper than any girl. I know this is crap. It is and that is why I gave up this thinking and realized it’s not my fear but Satan throwing my past crap back into my face and calling it “being cautious or guarding my heart”. He’s an idiot. Enough said.

The second one was that I became heavily burdened for my family. They have so much baggage and they just are so lost and don’t know the freedom that is in Christ. They see it in me but cannot understand or grasp the concept. They are my mission field and I love them more deeply then they’ll ever ever know. They will always be apart of who I am and in my heart. They will always be first after Jesus. If they need food I’ll provide, if they need a place to crash and I have my own place they have ultimate dibbs, if they need someone to talk to it doesn’t matter when they know they can call me. God has put me into this family and it’s sad that it took me so long to see why. I am there to serve them and attend their needs and to show them what authentic Christianity looks like. They know the Bible and they know “Christians” but unfortunately their view hasn’t been very positive. God created me a stubbornness and rough exterior to stick through tough time and I believe that is why I am still a Christian among all the trials we faced as a family. When churches treated us like crap and asked us to leave the church. Oh I could go into a long rant but won’t. If you want that rant talk to me sometime and I’ll go into how badly of a witness my introductory church was!

I am letting go. Two weeks ago it was revealed to me that the guy that I liked and I thought maybe he liked me back wasn't interested. God is teaching me to be content with my single hood and it’s hard but it’s what God wants for me at this time. I finally got the answer I wanted. Maybe not “the answer I wanted” but I wanted an answer. My joy is in the LORD and that is not in circumstances. I’m trying to live out Philippians out. If I could turn off my emotions I would but God is teaching me how having feelings aren’t a sin but what you do with them can lead to sin.

All this to say I am extremely blessed right now and God is teaching me so much.

How's that for an update?
Kris

tooth update!

So i went to the dentist and here's the deal: i had a root canal done on a tooth about five years ago. Apparently on Monday an infections surfaced at the bottom of the tooth and spread. This caused severe pain and swelling of the left side of my face. He told me my options were to pull it or see a specialist. I looked at him in extreme pain and said "i'd rather just pull it". The tooth was so bad it had to be sawed in half and pulled in two parts. Rediculous. He precribed me vicadin, yea :0), and told me that icing the jaw and taking the pain meds will help the swelling. I left feeling pretty good but when the novicane wore off...OUCH. With the help of ice, vicadin and orajel i am feeling oh so much better.

that's my tooth update. It is gone and the sad part is that there will be no tooth fairy giving me a quarter just a pain free mouth. To be honest, the tooth fairy can keep her money and i'll enjoy my pain free mouth and enjoy getting on with my life.

Now it's all camp and i am excited and a little drowsy, just saying.
I am pumped for sleep tonight since in the last 36 hours i've slept a total of 6 hours. Yea sleep.

Night,
Kris

ouch!

For the last few days i've had a toothache. It started being annoying and i'd take some ibuprofen and ambosol and it relieved it for a while. Then it began to throb in pain and i added icing my jaw to the mix. Then last night the left side of my face began to swell and was throbbing in pain. Oh so much fun. Soon i am heading into Cadillac to see a dentist about said tooth and the infections spreading throughout the left side of my face. I can say that this is probably the worst pain I've felt in a very long time. It may even be worse then when i broke my arm. maybe. I will be excited to have the tooth gone and more excited about pain medication. for real.

In other news i'm at camp and am loving it. I feel like i could have gotten much more accomplished but this tooth issue got in the way. Oh well, what can you do? It's been great to hang out with the group though.

Kris

ONE WEEK!!!!!

Today marks one week until i am an offical college graduate! It is hard to describe how that feels. There are a variey of feelings with it. Relief, excitement, apprehension, anxiousness, joy, fear...just to name a few. As much as i am the first to run away from comfort: this is my comfort. Running minstries, taking classes and working part time. Seeing all of my friends in one place and knowing that each night i had a place to run and talk to Bekah about anything going on in my life. College has brought me tears, laughter, confusion, and some of the greatest relationship i'll ever know. I have been so blessed but i know the blessings are far from over.

I'm sure many graduates fight between loving the time we have here but wanting to move on. Honestly, i cannot afford to cling on to this comfort zone any more :0). I am so excited for what the future has for me. Living at camp, student teaching and eventually finding a job. But before all of that i have another week with friends here and then a week with my family and let's not forget....CAMP!!!!!!!!

I am excited yet neverous. One week, it'll fly i just know it.
Good luck on whatever you have to do! :0)

The Graduate (in 7 days)

my thoughts...

I AM GRADUATING IN TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!!!

things are better...

It seems to be lately that when i see those closest to me doing well i feel better. Not to say that my happiness comes from other people but it makes me feel better. Like i look past myself, cause it's not all about me, and be joyous for what God is doing in other people's lives. I like this, a lot.

Things for me are looking up. I met with my professor and never actually discussed my assignment but literally talked about the story of my life. Which is funny since one of my most said lines is "story of my life"...she wanted to know me and where i came from, why i choose Special Education, where i was going from SAU, etc. We are meeting again this next week, so we'll see. She was extremely encouraging and that really helped.

I am learning a lot from God lately. I have been reading through Hebrews and he is teaching me so many things, i thought i knew before but now in the tirals i'm going through mean so much more. He is so good.

I'm going to leave you with a song that God always brings to me when i'm going through a hard time....
Kris

----------------------------------------
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
(REPEAT)

Just what the doctor ordered...

I am so glad i got to go to camp this weekend. It was just the break i wanted and needed. It was a chance to be at one of my favorite places on earth, around a few of my favorite people on earth and just to relax. Now i didn't sleep the whole time, in fact i'm sure this is the shortest amount of sleep i'd gotten all semester but i loved it. I got to be at something i didn't have to plan or run...and that doens't happen at school. Pretty much everything is a meeting i host, a bible study i run or an event i either run or am running with two others. It was nice to help out and not have to do all the work. On Friday i got to do one of my all-time favorite things at camp: star gaze on the soccer field and i saw THREE shooting stars. Which is amazing because usually i can never see them. Wookie and i went and just looked at the stars and talked. As crazy as it sounds it's been a while since we've had one of our chats like that.

This weekend i laughed and laughed. Which i'm learning is extremely good for you :0) Also although i'm not sure how much the boys appreciated it i got a guest cabin to myself. Although it was slightly creepy because it was really quiet, i loved it. I loved just getting some me time in before calling it a day and taking as much time as i needed in the morning was fantastic! This weekend was great, a way to recharge and renew. However it also made me want to be there so badly, i'd give anything to just fast forward and be at camp however i have much to do until then and will focus on that. Yea, for almost being done here! Double yea!

Jesus is good and has a reason and purpose to show me in my last four weeks at SAU, I'm ready to learn and see what HE wants me to.

a new perspective...

This weekend was pretty huge for me. I went home for the first time since Christmas and for the first time in a LONG time i was genuinely excited about going home. This didn't occur over night but over time. It started because i was in Mexico praying about being a missionary down the road and how i wanted a close family and how it broke my heart not to have one. When i got back to school i intentionally called my family just because and i could see how it affected them and they appreciated it. Before i left i prayed about how inadequate i felt being called into missions when i had such a rough upbringing. God called me out and said not only was my family my mission field but they were the stepping stone to those I'd minister to later on in life.

Going home with the mindset that it was where God wanted me to be and that each moment was precious and could eternal rewards was just what i needed. I came with the heart to serve, an ear to listen, and a spirit willing for anything. I left my "woe is me attitude" and it was great. I had meaningful conversations and told my family how much they mean to me. I even got a chance to catch up with an old high school friend who has made some decisions i don't agree with but could share my faith and how that influences things such as choices about sex, education and the future. I never shoved my beliefs on anyone but just gave my point of view.

my "WOAH" moment with God

So many of you know the story of my home life but if you don't I'll lay it out for you:

I am from a shattered home. It's not broken because it's so far gone and past that. My mom currently lives with her boyfriend who blantly hates me and lets everyone know it. My brother and his girlfriend and their three kids live in a two bedroom trailer with my sister and her 3 year old. We all went to church together when i was in junior high. Unfortunately our family has been through a lot and i was the only stubborn one to see it through. I decided to grab a hold of God and everyone else decided to pack it up and run from God.

So during spring break i was sitting in Mexico people watching to discover that they had something i didn't- a close family unit. I want that so badly. All i wanted to do was to go home and serve my family. To serve them with no questions asked because it's what i love to do. So i decided that for Easter break i was not going to sit in my apartment and catch up on homework or get a head start on final projects but i would go home. My mom was thrilled at the news and supprisingly my brother even offered to pick me up, surprising because usually his response is to ask if i can pitch in for gas which i never mind doing. He's just so excited that i'm coming home i guess. Well for the last few Sundays God has been breaking my heart for my family.

In church i was talking to God before partaking in communion. We had the following conversation, this is the Kris Locker version of course!

He was breaking me for my family and i asked, "God how can you expect me to minister to people in other countries if i cannot even shed light to my family" and God in his strong and loving voice said, "Seriously Kris? Let me ask you this: what is a missions field?" I answered "Somewhere that needs the saving message of Christ. WOAH." God replied "Yep, you finally are getting it" I started to cry and said "You mean my missions field IS home? All this time i've wondered if i wanted to go into missions and there it was right in front of me. I think this is the one time when the missionary actually started going to chruch as the same time as those in their mission field"

So although it's something I've known, it was revealed to me again. My family is my mission field. I have invested in their lives and love them so deeply. They will always be my mission field regardless of where i am or what i'm doing. I have a tie to them and will continue to serve them and be their light until the day they too hear from God and decide to listen.

we serve such an amazing God!

Mexico was muy bueno!

I went to Mexico and it was so amazing. God showed up in so many unexpected ways. Let me say first off that i cried more during this trip than i have cried ever before. On the way as i was praying for those in Mexico that i would serve and would serve me i became overwhelmed with the idea of the body and Christ and how easily i had lost touch of the body of Christ and God revealed to me that he was going to do some huge things in me. He showed up the minute i was in Mexico. I joked with some of the girls that i am convinced God speaks Japanese/Spanish because i hear him clearer when i am in Mexico or Japan. Here i am unsure of what he wants me to do because i get so wrapped up in myself and technology, etc. We got to the church and the whole church was beaming with joy and clapping as we walked in they all hugged us and welcomed us to Mexico. It was overwhelming and i cried not a lot but enough. They had so much love even before they knew us and they were full of the love of Christ. We went to check out the work site and then they fed us at our "eating house" a block away. After dinner of chicken tacos a few college age guys played guitar and then handed it off to one of our guys and they took turns playing worship songs. It was great.

A few things about Mexican culture. I'm sure you've heard of "Mexican time" i love this concept. Just in case you haven't they work at their own pace. We never ate at the same time except for breakfast. We would work until we got what we wanted to get done accomplished then we'd eat lunch and sit around and enjoy each other's company and rest for 30-45min. then go back to work until we got enough done or the light was gone. Two things i will take back about their culture is that they are relational and appreciative. In church they are grateful for things such as: God providing food that week, their child no longer being sick because they don't have a doctor or even that they had the strength to walk to church. They love to be around each other they spend a lot of their time around one another and talking and investing in lives. They are also so giving, material possessions mean nothing to them. I have two great examples of this: 1) One of the girls on the trip commented on how she liked her host mom's necklace and she took it off her neck and gave it to her. She didn't think twice about it. 2) one of the girls asked for seconds and the pastor took one of the two tacos and handed it to her. When she realized what was going on she said "Oh no, i couldn't take your dinner" and he said "God gave me the gift of food and i want you to have this". She already had plenty but there was no way she was going to talk him out of it.

I am back now. Not really sure where to go from here. My heart is in Mexico and wants to be relational and to have time for people and to give up my love of material possessions. However my body is here trying to catch up on homework, seeing friends and ministries. I hope to bring some of the lessons back from Mexico and apply it here but for now i'm going to seek what God wants me to do here and try to rest it up.

Oh back to God tearing down walls...through this experience God revealed to me that he wants me to do missions. I don't know when or how but after i student teach he wants me to go into educational missions. I am so excited because i love to travel and want to do missions so badly but wanted it to be his calling on my life and not my own.

There are my scattered thoughts. still processing.
Kris

optmism...

The last few weeks have been long, hard and stretching. I have stressed out a lot, sick and slept through an alarm clock because my body is just tired and weak. This weekend i had some time to soul search and dropped two things off my plate. Well technically i dropped one and the other will be over once i get back from break. However after break i'll have some more free time that should help relieve some. Anyways the purpose of this was to share some insight into some amazing things happening in my life. I am so excited to serve in Mexico. Whenever life seems to run me down serving others is a great alternative for me. Pushing aside myself and serving another always helps me to get over myself long enough to help someone else and it gives me the feeling as if i'm doing something of value. I got a taste of this last Thursday when my apartment was filled with transfers who i served pancakes to. To serve them through the infamous pancake event got me so pumped for serving and working in Mexico. I am so excited. This is one of my highlights. I was looking through my Mexico journal from last year and got so excited when remembering what was going on a year ago. I have grown so much from that trip and am so excited to see the growth that will occur this time.

I have had two amazing things happen in the last few days and these are God telling me that he hears my crys and is carrying me during these stressful and times i am too weak to walk.

1. I nearly bawled when i heard this. My mom called and we were catching up and i asked how my little brother is. He's 12 and is like a child to me, I babysit him most of his life, coached him through hard times, etc. Well she said he's been going to church twice a week and is really excited about God and reading his bible everyday. I cannot tell you how this made me feel. I'm feeling tears coming as i write this now, just to think that someone else in my family is falling in love with Jesus is something i've been praying for since i became a Christian at 13.

2. I was in a meeting today with School of Education due to concerns for my student teaching semester. I won't go into details but i went in to the meeting fully prepared for my rough classes and that i'll be professional and successful during student teaching. I didn't have to. They told me they wanted me to be aware of their concerns and that if it doesn't work i'd have to come back to SAU. Then the one said, "Kristeen we want you to know that your semester in Japan is one of the main reasons we know you can do this. That semester you took three online classes and were extremely successful. That and your adding a psychology major when you didn't need to speaks volumes and that is why your petitions have been granted." I had a HUGE WEIGHT lifted from my shoulders. I often get frustrated and think Why am i still here, why is it taking so much longer than others. God, why did you call me to Japan and then add a minor and end up here two years longer. I got my answer...it was what i needed for God to take me to the next stage in life.

GOD IS GOOD!
Wish i could say that i am fine and everything is looking up. Things are a bit low right now but i know there is a hill coming soon. Life is a roller coaster but my goal is to get to the end and say, "What a ride!"