re-birth-day

My birthday is very special to me. Not only because my friends stop what they are doing and wish me a happy birthday and buy me gifts (which i'd be happy with the greeting and quality time). My birthday is special because it was the day that God changed my life.

Flashback:
The year was 2002 and i was turning 18. I had been attending church and was a "christian" since 13. This meant that I did whatever i wanted and then on Sunday put on my best smile and recited verses and talked about how wonderful Jesus was and how much I need him. However things changed when the summer before my birthday a youth pastor who just recently graduated from Pensecola challenged me to pause once a day and read my bible. I did it faithfully since. Which brings you to my birthday. A very drunk Kris laid on her bed and opened the bible out of habit. I stopped and said to myself, "this isn't right" it just isn't right. I heard this voice whisper "You can't have both lives. It's yours or mine". Right then and there i decided to give my life truly to God and live for him no matter the cost. I had no idea what that meant and certainly had never seen it but I made my decision. I wrote down on a peice of paper to write an excuse list and passed out. The next day i sat my mom down and explained that i was no longer going to live the partying lifestyle and that I needed her to lie to my friends. Even as a very young Chistian i knew that telling my friends i could no longer be around them because i was now a Christian was a terrible witness to them. I knew Jesus would want better. If you know me you know I am an honest person, so my mom lied every weekend. Now, if you are wondering why i had to sacrifice my friendships that's a great thing to wonder. My friends and I were not people who would drink because it was a birthday or graudation. We drank every weekend and soon it was nearly every night. We didn't have anything to celebrate other than loving to drink. So saying that I wasn't going to drink was like saying I didn't want anything to do with them.

Through the power of Christ and HIM alone I quit drinking and smoking. I have not since my 18th birthday, Feb. 19th, 2002 touched a cigerette and the first time I picked up a drink was on my 21st birthday or shortly afterward. I picked up a strawberry daquari and said "this tastes funny" and wasn't a fan. THAT IS THE POWER OF JESUS. Only he would make something once so delicious not as desirable.

All this background to say that i love my birthday. It's a day for me to remember that Jesus gave me 18 years and I controlled it and failed EPICLY. Then I gave him control and he is doing a much better job if i may so say myself. So tomorrow is not just the day that Kris Locker came into the world but it's also marks the day that Jesus called me out and pulled me out of my own way to bring HIM glory.

He had done so much in the last nine years. He has brought wonderful people in my life, taken some amazing people from me to be with him for eternity, asked me to walk away from other wonderful friends, and picked me up several times after being hurt and dissapointed. He also healed my heart and reunited me with my father. A relationship i shall never regret.

GOD IS GOOD. HE WILL BE PRAISED.
So if you think of me on my birthday praise God for my birthday. And for kicks wish me a happy re-birth-day. I know it sounds cheesy but hey that is me in a nutshell.
not a literal one cause i'm afraid of enclosed places.

love, Kris!

SURPRISE!

So this week was an awful and long week at work. Then on Saturday i picked up an extra shift for babysitting and that was fine. However on the way home my car pretty close to died. Let me just say i wasn't in the best of moods. I called my mom and Alissa crying about how much my life sucks and they calmed me down. I was supposed to go to Alissa's to check out her new place and part of me didn't even want to do that. Well i got there and something was off. I kept seeing familiar cars and there were a lot of shoes by the front door. I walked in the living room and SURPRISE!!!! It was full of about 20 of my closest friends and my family! I was so overwhelmed I started crying. The first person i saw was Brijette so i hugged her and then didn't know what to do so i hugged her again. I made it to my mom and made her cry, then hugged my brother and excused myself out of the room to find a kleenex. It mean more to me than words could possibly describe. We had pizza, cake/ brownies (and they were Kris Locker friendly too!!!) and played games. Each one took the time to stop and talk to me. They made me laugh and remember that there are people in my life who love me and make me feel appreciated. I have not felt appreciated or loved this past week and it was a great reminder. Throughout the night i was constantly reminded of how blessed I am. I have a family who will travel almost two hours to celebrate my birthday with my crazy friends. Friends who will make plans and drop what they are doing to spend time with me. I also have people in my life who will stop whatever they are doing and make me laugh. There was much laughing and that is a remedy that was needed.

It was a great night. Words cannot express how grateful I am for the people in my life. I am stupid blessed right now. Yep, stupid blessed.

careers

The past month has been a blur. I feel as though all i do is work all week and occasionally on the weekend after much sleep visit friends. I love what i do however who i work for has become draining and overwhelming. The company itself isn't bad but most days i feel as though they are just waiting for me to do something wrong that they can jump on me for. No one around me is happy and i feel stressed all the time. I don't make enough to pay all of my bills, my car is guzzling gas like a college frat boy at a party. All in all I haven't slept well which makes me even more exhausted and grumpy. Don't get me wrong God is amazing and has blessed my life. Don't read this thinking this is a pity party for Kris because i don't do that. I stick through things and look for opportunities. I'm simply venting on my blog, which let's be honest, i'm not all that certain a whole lot of people read! I really don't care to be honest (again) because writing is a destressor of mine.

So last Sunday something amazing happened. For the first time since August i went to church alone. I usually go with my roommate but she was singing in the service and i had no idea where she was sitting so i found a seat in the back and sat there. I became so overwhelmed with life during the worship time that i stopped singing. Partly because i was chocking back the "I know I should trust you tears" and partly because I could feel God wanted a moment with me. Right then and there he told me that he had this situation under control and that I needed to talk to Alissa. I took in a deep breathe and began to sing once again. The sermon talked about guarding your heart and how you need to give your best energy. He said at one point that you need to choose who gets your best energy because if you don't someone will choose for you. This was something I prayed about all week and work got it everyday this week. It's something to work on because my friends and family deserve more of my energy then i have given them lately.

So back to God telling me to call Alissa. I love her with all my heart but my first thought was that she was going to be busy and that i would at least leave her a voicemail. Sunday is a busy day for most of my friends. Well God is in control and not me so i called her on my way home from church and she picked up to my surprise. I told her about worship and my discontented heart and my job. I asked her to be in prayer with me about this. She prayed over me on the phone about looking at my job as a ministry and seeking other opportunities. On Monday i recieved a text that there was an opening someone and i am seeking God's decision for that job.

All that to say: GOD BE PRAISED. He leads and i follow. I don't hesitate or think about it. I just do it. He is far better at running my life than i am. I know i've tried. This week was a long week at work. The kids were awful and there were a lot of staff changes and such. However God got me through it. I prayed a lot, cried a lot, and read his word a lot. I also encouraged co-workers, made them laugh and smile when they needed it the most, and even read my bible during my break which started up some conversations. God is good and if that's what i needed to learn through this experience then it was totally worth it.

Long winded and tired,
Kris :D

Loneliness, The internet, and Fasting!

For the last few weeks the pastor at Frontline has started a series on Temptation. It is on the temptations of Jesus in the desert and what is at the heart of them. We focus on "Pausing" situations on life and sitting back and looking and seeing what needs to be done. The last sermon was about things getting in the way of your relationship with Jesus. The temptation was entitled "an acceptable need fulfilled in an unexceptable way". We were sent out of the church with the challenge of finding something that is getting in the way of your relationship with God and sacrifice it for a something greater later! I was convicted of my internet usage as a of way of dealing with loneliness. When i feel lonely or just bored I have a tendency to get online and try to fulfill the need to be with friends or family. I need to run to Jesus first and that is what I worked on this week.

I never not once missed the internet. I read books, rested, and spent quality time with my Savior. It was a great experience and I think i have the idea of how to use the internet for appropriate usage and still put Jesus first in my life. Jesus has been working on me and my loneliness issues as of late. I am independent and i love being on my own and doing my own thing. There are times that I wonder if one day there will be more. As of right now I love my time with Jesus and allowing him to teach me all the things he is. He has taught me a ton this year and i cannot wait to see what he has in store for me. I have no idea if i'll ever get married or even go on another date but right now I'm focusing on my Jesus.

Miss Kris!

So a short but sweet update!

So a week ago I got offered a job at a local daycare. I heard about the job through a new friend who I met! I started this Monday with orientation. From Monday to Wednesday I floated from room to room and had literally been in every room except for my friend Katie's room (Katie was the one that told me about the job). On Thursday and Friday I was her assistant and i loved it.

Life is so good right now. I really love life right now. I have no money and have to wait a few weeks until I get paid and back on my feet. Pretty excited for that. It will be nice to have money again to do crazy things like pay the rent, buy food and put gas in my car :0).

That's pretty much it!
Love, Kris

insert a clever title here!

So this weekend was absolutely amazing. I saw some old friends who still go to Spring Arbor and even some new friends who currently go there. I also got the opportunity to meet up with some old friends who graduated. It was beyond amazing. It was great to see my closest friends and catch up on life. It was nice to be around people who know me really well and that have an interest in my life. It was also nice to see how far i have come since leaving SAU. Some days it feels like i haven't really moved forward but this weekend was a reminder that I have in fact moved forward.

I'm living in a cynical world...

If you are looking for bubbly go listen to Colbie :) This is not the blog for you. Things are a roller coaster for me. Some days are full of hope and excitement and some days (like today) i wake up after sleeping in and waking to no alarm clock feeling like i lost my purpose and my way. I know what you are thinking "Chin up, Kris, all things will work out" well to be honest i know this already and just feel like being cynical. I go through these cycles every once in awhile. I feel like being cynical. I watch epic movies, make lists of how to improve things and blog...all are coping mechanisms that haven't failed me yet. :D.

So not going to lie (since i'm being honest) the male gender haven't been doing so well. I think of all the guys i talk to Korey may be the only one showing that not all guys are jerks. I know that i'm over reacting and generalizing. Just lately there have a lot of guys who have made me feel like garbage for having an opinion or even breathing lately. This is why I surround myself with people who don't make me feel like crap and who uplift me. I love my girls right now :D.

Things will get better but until they do being cynical is what i'll deal with. On Friday Cait and I are going to SAU and i'm excited. I have some on campus friends i'll visit and have a date with some old alumni friends. woooot. woooot. This will be much needed to see some friends who love me. I know they are in GR but lately don't feel like they are here...probably busy with their own lives which i understand. (i've only been unemployed for three days...i remember being busy).

God is my strength.
Kris

and another one bites the dust

So life is pretty confusing today. I really need guidance and wisdom. I am seeking prayer for direction in my life. Also another lesson in trusting God I feel is in the works.

On Tuesday I was informed that they are closing the daycare in which i work. The last day is October 29th which gave the staff less than a week to find an alternative job. The last few days have been a surreal blur. Each day the parents of the kids in which i care for ask me a myriad of questions, the kids seem a little bit sad and the staff are just not with it.

Basically, what happened was the original owner was going to take over the daycare once again. She decided to turn it down and the owners who have it now see the daycare for what it can be. They are closing the doors and renovating the place. Which means it will be closed for two months and are looking for "new families and a new staff" as they put it. We were encouraged to find employment elsewhere.

There are a variety of ways that i feel down about this. First of all these kids i've spent the last two months with i feel for them. They have to start all over again. I feel for the staff who have been there for ten or more years. I also feel just confused personally. I know God has given me this job in order to show me how much i love it. I have never loved a job this much (not even camp). This is a stepping stone to opening my orphanage some day and i truly believe that now.

For now i am considering a few day cares in the area but am also open to other ideas. I feel like right now in my life day care is where I am supposed to be. Maybe there is one out there that is better for me in the long run.

Like i said i really need some prayer in guidance and wisdom!

Seeking HIS will,
Kris Locker

some relief...

So after some praying and careful consideration of my life I quit my part-time job. I was looking at my life realistically. For the last month I have been so drained physically and emotionally. I became more emotional due to exhaustion. Luckily the second job was not needed financially but was only a source of added money. I had to ask myself why I was taking this job and why I was sacrificing sleep and weekends for this job. I really couldn't come up with a good answer so i quit. I told my boss that I was burnt out and just couldn't work there anymore. She took it really well and said she totally understood.

I looked up some verses about money to help with my decision:
*Luke 16:13 "No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

*Mat 6:19-21 "Do not save riches for yourselves here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and robbers break in and steal. Instead, save riches for yourselves in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and robbers cannot break in and steal. For your heart will always be where your riches are."

God provided me a full time job which supplies everything I "need". I believe I made the right choice and now can be in a shut-in during the week and actually do things on the weekends. I was going to wait until i saved up money to get a car. I felt that way until i saw the verse about saving up money. I don't really need the job and have been so physically exhausted lately that I was dragging at both jobs. I decided to quit the side job and felt a weight lifted afterward.

So now i have my weekends back and now get a chance to sleep on the weekends. I have been so exhausted that I just wasn't myself and whenever i had time to do something i would sleep and sleep some more. I became this empty shell and wasn't liking what i saw. No amount of money is worth that.

Odd Place

I'm in a very odd place right now. I really don't know that i even have the words to express what i'm going through right now. No words so they are definitely not eloquent or even something anyone could understand. Especially since I don't have the capacity to understand it. I feel empty and numb. I just feel bleh.

Yesterday was a great day...i truly was. However there are times that even with a huge group of people i feel that i will never fit in. I don't have that group of people in which i belong. I'll always be that new kid who doesn't find the place. I feel like this at work, visiting friends and even at church. I feel misunderstood and disassociated. I'm just in an odd place. I know what most of you are already thinking, "give it time and let God take control". The more i pray about this the more God tells me to wait. He doesn't want met to be involved in things or pursue things he wants me to wait. If there is anything i fail at constantly it's waiting on God. I fail in this over and over again. However I listen to him because i know better! I've done this before with him. I want them to know the one i fall in love with everyday!

I feel burdened for my family. I know the peace that comes from knowing and following Jesus. When i think about them not knowing him it breaks my heart in half. Today in church i was struck by this and it was like lightning. I couldn't move all i could do was pray. I couldn't speak or even think clearly. I wasn't myself because I am just so overwhelmed with this. I want them to know him so badly and just don't know what to do next. I pray and will continue to pray for them. I want nothing more than for them to know HIM. I want them to meet and accept the very person who is responsible for my life bringing me past myself pride and to a better place.

Today the sermon was about invited others in. It hit me that when i was 13 i was invited to GR to go to a drama skit night and that is where i met Jesus. I met him in GR over ten years ago and here I am living here for his unknown purpose. He has taken me so far and yet we have such a long journey ahead of us. I was headed down a path of self destruction and he saved me. He saved my life. All because a young right out of college youth pastor stopped by my house and asked me to go to GR with him for a few hours.

Pray.Love.Pray.Love (my goal in waiting)
:)
Kris

The New Kid...

I am having a pretty hard time right now. I feel like i don't know anyone. I don't have a group of people i hang out with. I know a lot of people in Grand Rapids but don't have that core group of people that I run to or hang out with. I know it's only been a month but it just kinda sucks to be honest. I mean it's not like i have a ton of time to just go and meet people. I work two jobs and when i'm not there i'm a lazy bones in my apartment. I don't want to talk or move after work much less go and meet people. I mean other than my roommates I have Nate. Not to say that those people aren't amazing and mean a lot to me...because OF COURSE THEY DO i just would like to know other people.

My whole life I've always felt like i've never fit in. I've always been that new kid who is obviously different. I feel that way at both of my jobs even though i'm not the only "newbie". I hate feeling left out or even outside of the one who "know what in the world is going on". I'm pretty frustrated with it right now.

In other news, Nate and I visited this church close to his house. It was really awesome. I love the pastor and it has an amazing college/post college group to get connected to. I really like it a lot. This gives me hope that i could potentially get to know someone that i didn't know when i moved to GR. I don't want to be the girl who only hangs around camp people. I love camp people but am over being a camp person. I'm starting down a new path...a full time working path; a living in Grand Rapids path. Camp will always be a part of who i am but it is not WHO i am. It makes sense to me.

these are my thoughts but mostly frustrations.
Kris :)

Working Woman...well soon i will be.

The transition has been difficult for me. It's also difficult to not be doing anything. Starting on Sunday my crazy working schedule begins. As far as classes it'll take like an hour at most each night just to get online and discuss on each class. I have visited a lot of people this week and have thoroughly enjoyed the down time. I have done whatever i can around the apartment to pitch in and help out. I help out a lot in the kitchen, we all do our part. I just feel like if i'm not doing anything I should at least be helping around the apartment.

On Sunday i am serving at the country club for the first time and on Tuesday i start a 40-hour work week at the daycare. I should be hearing from Chuck E Cheese by Monday on when i start training there. I am excited to be working again and with kids. I also am excited to one again have money. It seems everyone wants to continually ask me for money. Yep...good times.

In other news it's awesome to have some of my closest friends in the same town in which i live but feel that once my schedule kicks in i will have to work really hard to even talk to them. Luckily, I have a cell phone to help with that problem. I also am kinda getting tired of people talking about how hard it will be to juggle three jobs. I would love some support or encouragement here.

New chapter in my life!

Welcome to the time i call being crazy and loving it. I am absolutely loving Grand Rapids so far. I love it so far. I have a weekend job and am interviewing next week for two other jobs and yes i fully intend on having three jobs. I also intend on taking classes online while doing these three jobs.

As far as a social life...you know my phone number! Haha. I will talk to people but i feel like my roommates will see me the most.

I love living on my own and not having to feel like i have to talk to anyone on a regular basis. I love it so much. I will talk to my friends and there are those i will make more of an effort to hang out with because they are such close friends.

it'll be crazy but since when am i sane?

Kris

headed to GR

This week has been insane but good...insanely good! My brother got married last weekend and since then it's been non-stop family time. I met up with a few girlfriends and that was a blast. One from highschool who got married in December and unfortunately i wasn't able to be there so she told me all about it and showed me pictured and we had a blast catching up at a Mexican restaurant...yum yum. Speaking of yum yum a former camp worker and I met up for ice cream too this week. It was a great time to see her and meet her daughter. You know your old when you go home and visit your married friends and some of which are moms. Weird.

It truly has been a great time at home for the last week. We took the kids to the Air Zoo in Kalamazoo, watching movies, played family games, practiced throws for football and even went to a football game of my older brothers. It truly was an eventful week but one I'll look back on and think back on and be so grateful for the time i got with them. I miss my niece and nephews so much when i'm gone and it's nice to spend time with them. The older ones are pre teen and soon they will be far too cool and busy to hang out with their "out of town aunt"! It was great to spend time with them while i can. My younger nephew was trying to talk me into letting him move in with me. Tempting offer but not sure i'm ready to take care of a five year old.

So here's goes another chapter in the crazy book called my life. This chapter is called "Single in Grand Rapids" lol. Nice title i think. I'm nervous and excited to see what God will do with me there. It'll be a ride for sure. I'm excited to get out of small town life for a while.

Welp, my next blog will be from my first official on my own apartment! Can i get a woot woot?
Kris

she's back!!!!!

Hello blogging world!

I discovered recently that my last blog was written in May. There are so many things that have happened since then. I read it to see where I last left off and as I read the words, “It pains me to not being going to Honduras”…as I read this I found myself chuckling because God has done so much in my life since I wrote that blog! Okay, enough introductions now it’s time to update you.

‡Ch…ch…changes! ‡
So I really fought with the idea of moving back home. When you’ve “graduated” from college and then move back home it’s a hard concept. I got to the point where I was content with this and let go of my pride and told God to take over and I was done making plans. Shortly after, I received a phone call from Lauren. We have always talked about moving to another country and teaching together. She said she was looking for a roommate after the summer and thought it’d be a good idea to live together here and seeing if we truly want to move outside of the country together. I told her that I’d pray about it and that more than likely it would be after six months of living at home. The more I prayed the better the idea seemed to me. I felt like God was asking to really trust him and move there in August. My only hesitation was my mom being really excited about moving back in with her. She and I are really tight and I finally would be home for the first time since high school. So one night I called her to talk to her about moving to Grand Rapids with Lauren. I asked her if there were any jobs at home and she said not really and it would be difficult to find work that I didn’t have to drive to. Then she said it’d be a good idea to live somewhere that has public transport. I then told her about the moving idea and she was totally supportive. Not that as an adult I needed her permission but it’s nice to be supported by my family whom I love a lot. I am pretty dang excited about what the future holds.

£ Farewell Center Lake £
Before going into how I’m saying farewell to my beloved camp, I’ll tell you about my summer. This summer was beyond amazing and I was blessed. I was pretty concerned about leading the SMT group but had so much support and love. Nate- you were such a blessing to the group-. Nate doesn’t like me bragging about him but I’ll do it anyway…I’m a rebel :o). Nate was never asked to help with the group but he totally stepped up and invested time in the group and he helped out in every way he could. No one ever said he had to or should but he did it cause that is the person he is. I was incredibly blessed by his service to the group. I love serving along side of him. A lot of people that I lead with are afraid to step up and lead when I’m there but we are such close friends that we know when one needs to lead and when to let the other lead. We also took the group on an amazing backpacking trip. Such a grand time. Time for the farewell part: As another chapter of my life is starting another one must end. I just completed my seventh summer at camp. I have very much loved my experiences but feel as though it is time to move on and do something different. Not better, not worse…different. My goal was to leave a completely different person than I came in and God has transformed me from that girl who nervously entered camp seven years ago. I am no longer that shy, reserved girl who was petrified to lead on her own. Now, I’m one of the staff that everyone looks at to see what to do or to see if I will lead. I loved how God has used my unique gifts for his glory and his kingdom. He has brought so many amazing people into my life. People that outside of these crazy camp walls I would have never met and probably wouldn’t have noticed me in a crowd otherwise but are people that I am a better person for simply knowing. Two of which I will be living with in the fall…wooooooooot!!!!!! Although it is a bit sad to close this chapter in my life, I am so beyond pumped to see what God has for me next. I am willing to do whatever and go wherever. I am willing and able and excited to do what he calls me to do. He is so much better at controlling my life than I am. I try and try and fail constantly. I am so excited to serve Him in Grand Rapids…and to live in a bigger community JUST SAYIN’. I’m a bit of a socialite.

¥ School again…are you NUTS? ¥
Yes and absolutely nuts for Jesus. My life doesn’t ever make sense which is fine cause Jesus knows that I get bored I make terrible life decisions. It’s a true story. So I am currently pursuing another passion of mine while my degree at SAU is being with held *rolls eyes and gives an angry fist*. I am looking at getting an online Business Administration degree. This is for many reasons. The first is that my dream has always been to open a homeless shelter. I have always wanted to do this and call it “Entertaining Angels” (which was a name I came up with my close friend, N’STO). Well I want to jump start that idea with business classes and with a Business Administration degree can get a nice job in an office or something to sustain me to start and open my homeless shelter. This is something I’ve always wanted to do but put on the back burner to teach and since God slammed shut that door I felt that it was time to pursue this dream.
µ And now for something completely random µ
Random thought: I have been extremely happy with my last name and have decided that only a man with an epic last name will get me to rid myself of such a great last name.

How’s that for an update?
Kris Locker.

================================================================================
Dear Friends/Loved ones:

If you are reading then it is because I know that you are praying and/or someone I need to keep fully informed. As most of you know I was accepted into an International school in Honduras. Due to some things (mostly financial) that were beyond my control I had to turn down the job after accepting it. This pains me more than I can express. However my love for Christ is much stronger than my wants to teach internationally. Although this is hard I do know that God has a plan. There is a reason that I am being called to stay here. I have no clue what the future holds for me after the summer is over. I know that I am being called to camp for another summer and then after that is a giant question mark. I am moving in with my mom after July. That’s what I know for sure right now.

I appreciate all of your prayer during this really confusing and frustrating time for me. God is teaching me what it truly means to follow him with wild abandonment. It doesn’t have to make sense but it is important to do it anyway. Please continue your prayers for me as I continue to follow God’s will for me.

extra extra read all about it...

FINALLY. I got a job. After months of searching and seeing a lot of closed doors. I finally got a job. My first real post-college job. I recieved a job offer to teach third grade at a bilingual Christian school in Honduras. :0) I will be gone August until June and then back for the summer months. I will be doing this for a two year period and then i could sign another contract or come back home. Who knows what could happen in two years! Did i mention i was excited?

Exciting, nevrous, shock...all these feelings i would claim! I have a lot of details to fill in but have a few months yet. I am so pumped. I had a peace about the job: everthing just fell into place for the job but had my doubts after the interview. But all that waiting and praying was so very much worth it!!!!!

Please pray for my family. They aren't sure how to feel about me being gone so long in another country. It's normal stuff for a family to worry about...just pray for them.

God is oh so good
Kris :)

it's been a while

Hi blog world it's Kris Locker again!

My life lately has been pretty crazy and boring. I know only my life could be described using both those adjectives. Haha! I say boring but i think that it's awesome. I love boredom especially since after boredom comes crazy busyness :) I love boredom. I like sleeping and watching movies. Seriously i do; there is NO sarcasm here!

I have two possible jobs lining up. One is temporary at a local school. One of their teachers is in the hospital and one of the teachers asked if she could drop my name to the school to fill in for a while. I should hear soon. I guess we'll see. The other one is for the fall/next two years. It's a bilingual Christian school in Honduras. I am excited and extremely nervous. I have the interview on Monday on skype.

Otherwise life has been an emotional rollercoaster! Seriously "Mood Rings" by Relient K has been my theme song lately. I am emotionally exhausted. Ready to run away to another country or just to go into hiding for awhile :)

That's my life lately
Kris :)

Tell me where; tell me when!

God has been doing some pretty amazing things in my life lately. All behind the scenes "heart" stuff. In my life it's all about the small things.

Haiti opportunity:
There was an opportunity to go to Haiti and teach. However i received word today that it had been filled. Oddly enough i wasn't disappointed because my prayer through the whole thing was that someone would fill that need. Haiti's need for a teacher is bigger than my want to go. I praise GOD that someone was able to go and help there. I truly believe God put this desire in my heart to show me that i truly do have a calling for international teaching. The contact for Haiti said she was keeping my name on file and would contact me if any other jobs opened up in the upcoming months. Since i returned from Japan I've known that one day I've love to teach internationally. However lately I've been questioning if it's what i want to do or God's will for my life. I was really down and when i thought there was even a chance to teach in Haiti my entire word lit up and my heart lept. I truly believe God wanted to restore that passion in my heart and help me to see that's what he wants for me. I don't know when and i definitely have no idea where but i know that i will one day teach in another country. There are many aspects of my life which show that I'm designed for teaching internationally such as: unsettled in any place i live and never having a place where i feel like i belong and am supposed to be. I could see myself settling down in Cadillac but i really don't think that right now would be a time when i could see that. I also have never had a "potential relationship" work out. There is always a point that God reveals that it's not a good idea usually due to a lack of a very important characteristic i am looking for. God has revealed to me what I'm looking for and maybe he's not in America or maybe he will show up later on in life. I have no idea but am fully dependent of God for his timing...he's better than I am.

For Now:
For now I'm involved at camp, church and will be applying to jobs until summer starts. I am excited for this next part of my life and to see where God will take me next. I have learned so much lately about pride, stubbornness, and running to him in times of loneliness and near depression. I do believe I'm in a "valley" spiritually. This is not a bad thing because in my life it has often been the case that when i am in the valley or the low point God is preparing me for something really big. I have no idea what that is and i think it's much better in the long run not to know. For now I'm going to be faithful in the small things. I've applied to a school in Evart, MI who is looking for a teacher assistant and I'll see what happens with that. I am excited to learn more about God and myself during these next few months.

A boy break...

I'm done being dramatic.
the end.