So this is my 35th blog? Apparently i have a lot to say, ha! I already have written it once but somehow lost it and it never saved the draft, lame or epic sadness! Both actually. I'll try to say the same thing...i'll try.
I am excited to get out of the U.S. and serve once again. I have come to realize that my heart is abroad (which is weird to say outloud which is appropriate since i am nowhere near normal). Here is what my heart has been saying lately:
-i want to be in Africa with those who don't have clean water
-i want to be in Asia where they have more than the U.S. but no hope or truth
-i want to look into the widows and hold the orphans
-i want to touch those who are deemed unlovable
-i want to love those who have no one in their life to simply love them
I want to "go" and i am excited for my missions trip to get to do what heart is crying out to do!
Kris
laugh now or you'll be laughing in a mental hospital someday :D
Sunday, November 23, 2008
wonderful weekend...
This weekend was so amazing. Beyond amazing actually.
Friday:
twelve transfer students and three leaders (me included in that) climbed in a van and a car and went to Ann Arbor. We went to Cottage Inn pizza and then went to Borders. We had over an hour so a group of us walked around Ann Arbor taking pictures, stopping by this art gallery place and then ended up talking and hanging out in Starbucks. Go figure, me ending up in a coffee shop :) I purposefully left my money at home cause i told myself i was saving my money for G.R. on Saturday.
It was a great time in Ann Arbor with the cell groups! Such a blast! They make me laugh so hard and i've needed laughter after the the last few weeks!
Saturday:
Bekah and I woke up at 7 am (hello coffee) and went to G.R.! We got there at around 10am and looked at David's Bridal. It was a great time. Then we met up with STO and ate chinese, YUM, and then went back to his apartment. He had to drop off a few highly entertaining 9th graders so Bekah and I sat there talking to Mike. Bekah's brother got off work and she got directions to his campus! Then Nate and I went to see Monika, went to to a coffee shop mmhmmm :) Then we headed back to his apartment to watch some videos! All in all it was a wonderful day! Good times in G.R. i have a few pics.
After lunch:
roommate and I went into town and i was going to buy Wall-e for myself. It's been a long time since i've loved a movie as much as this one. Maybe since Aladdin. For real! Well due to the fact that i am far more poor than i had realized i could not afford said movie and have to wait. Sad day. I did however buy some cold medicine...what an exciting life i lead! :0)
Kris
Thursday, November 20, 2008
junior high teaching
Today i taught my first lesson in a junior high Special Edu. class. I have so much respect for those of my friend who teach junior high or teach youth group/ Sunday school! I have no clue how they do it because i was terribly intimidated. My comfort zone is 1st - 3rd grade: coloring, imagination, and story-telling. I love this age group. However to contradict myself at camp my favorite week at camp is senior high and i relate best to the junior high age campers. Crazy, huh? Yeah that is the story of my life seriously! I taught a lesson today and it may have been that i have been sick for the last two weeks with whatever this is but it was a rough lesson. I mean the student learned the geometrical shapes i wanted them to but there were so many things that i forgot. I know that the point of this class is to get me comfortable in a junior high room as well as getting an idea of how much goes into teaching. Luckily they aren't expecting me to be an all-star teacher by the end of the semester! I am far from there.
I am very excited for the weekend. Tomorrow i will be heading to Ann Arbor with the transfers with Damon Seacott. Damon is the assistant to the university president and he is treating us to pizza and then we are going to Borders (in Ann Arbor is the first one). Then on Saturday Bekah and I will be heading to Grand Rapids. We are spending some time checking out David's Bridal looking at different bridesmaid dresses and such. Then we'll be meeting up with Nates: STO and her brother Nate. I will also be seeing Amy and possibly Monika and Steph. :) Did i mention i am excited?
Kris.
I am very excited for the weekend. Tomorrow i will be heading to Ann Arbor with the transfers with Damon Seacott. Damon is the assistant to the university president and he is treating us to pizza and then we are going to Borders (in Ann Arbor is the first one). Then on Saturday Bekah and I will be heading to Grand Rapids. We are spending some time checking out David's Bridal looking at different bridesmaid dresses and such. Then we'll be meeting up with Nates: STO and her brother Nate. I will also be seeing Amy and possibly Monika and Steph. :) Did i mention i am excited?
Kris.
Monday, November 17, 2008
me in a nutshell....
Highlights of me lately:
-I am giving up facebook. It's not necessarily a fast but just need to prioritize. I go through this a lot where i need to put God first and i don't. I suck at that.
-I have a deep thirst and hunger for Christ. I cannot seem to get enough and find myself crying a lot. Not in a bad way but in a God is breaking my heart for others.
-My weekend with was dad was more than expected. It redefined my relationship with my father and it's all good! We are past all the drama and are a father daughter unit and he validated me in a way that meant the world to me. Since i was little all i ever wanted to know that my dad valued me and this weekend he told me he was very proud of me and said that he tells all the guys at work about his daughter whose graduating in May. :0) My heart was doing flips!!!!!
-God is teaching me to give up. That sounds very pessimistic. However there is something i have been thinking and praying about a lot these days and God told me to hand it over fully to him. I did that and i am leaving it with him. Not to say that i don't care in fact i care a lot however i'm done holding onto it and am going to give him all control and i am now moving on and living the way HE wants me to and if this other things happens HALLELUJAH and if not GOD is in control.
-I'm reading Jesus Freaks: the stories of those who stood for Jesus. I read it and want to go do something. I want to live like these people and have come to realize that this weekend i was on the mission field. I had many question me about my faith and i had one of my family friends tell me that she always noticed something different about you. A joy that she couldn't explain and that she always looks forward to seeing my smiling face!
lots of thoughts as usual.
off to a God date!
Kris
-I am giving up facebook. It's not necessarily a fast but just need to prioritize. I go through this a lot where i need to put God first and i don't. I suck at that.
-I have a deep thirst and hunger for Christ. I cannot seem to get enough and find myself crying a lot. Not in a bad way but in a God is breaking my heart for others.
-My weekend with was dad was more than expected. It redefined my relationship with my father and it's all good! We are past all the drama and are a father daughter unit and he validated me in a way that meant the world to me. Since i was little all i ever wanted to know that my dad valued me and this weekend he told me he was very proud of me and said that he tells all the guys at work about his daughter whose graduating in May. :0) My heart was doing flips!!!!!
-God is teaching me to give up. That sounds very pessimistic. However there is something i have been thinking and praying about a lot these days and God told me to hand it over fully to him. I did that and i am leaving it with him. Not to say that i don't care in fact i care a lot however i'm done holding onto it and am going to give him all control and i am now moving on and living the way HE wants me to and if this other things happens HALLELUJAH and if not GOD is in control.
-I'm reading Jesus Freaks: the stories of those who stood for Jesus. I read it and want to go do something. I want to live like these people and have come to realize that this weekend i was on the mission field. I had many question me about my faith and i had one of my family friends tell me that she always noticed something different about you. A joy that she couldn't explain and that she always looks forward to seeing my smiling face!
lots of thoughts as usual.
off to a God date!
Kris
Friday, November 14, 2008
American soap box...
Let's all repeat after me, "America is NOT the only country on earth and it certainly NOT the greatest one either"
Step on any toes yet? Ohh i'm about to! I was stealing a survey from a freshmen i know on campus. He has surveys all the time. Truth be told most of the time i don't read his answers cause he is immature however for the newest one i decided to read his answers before inserting my own. I was shocked and angry at the following answer:
24. The world could do without: Mexico..i mean come do they really contribute to anything???
for real, are you serious? I get so extremely sick of people complaining about Mexico. I have been there to the slums and looked into the face of people who are hurting and I in fact am going back in March to do it again. My first reaction is "What an American answer" let me reprase that: what a stereotypical American answer. In my travels there is one universal truth America does not paint a pretty picture in other countries.
A few examples:
1. When i was in Japan i met a lot of great people. One of them told me that i didn't act like an American when i asked her what she meant she got very nervous and shy and said to forget she said anything. The next weekend my roommates and i went to Tokyo Disney Land and saw exactly what she meant. We ran into a group of six or so American college guys and never ever before have i been so embarrassed of my heritage. They were running around yelling things like "Hey you want to learn English?" and "We have a hotel right down the street you want to come check it out." This is the view of Americans that my Japanese family had. That makes me sad.
2. Last year i went to Mexico. Before i left i actually had someone on campus say to me, "While you're down there ask them to give us our jobs back" for real now? We went there and visited what is called "Invasion City" it looks like this:
This is how many people live. They find any scraps and they build a home. They have families of five or six live here. If living here weren't enough they live in constant fear because any day the government could show up and cart them off to jail for setting up housing when it's not permitted. Jobs are set up in Mexico that they work for five months and take a few months off and then come back. However in the last three years they do not get their jobs back due to the economy lately. The reason they can only work five months is that if they work more than that they have a tax they cannot afford so they work there for five months take a few months off and come back if there is anything to come back to. So cities like these are becoming more and more common as they are moving around to find work to support their families. This is a sad reality, especially when you find yourself thinking that you have nothing. These people have one water source for about ten of these scrap houses and they all share it willingly and lovingly.
So i'm annoyed right now with the small minded American thinking. I know there are Americans out there who are not like this and i thank God for you. Let's love the neighbors in our country and in other countries.
Stepping off soap box now.
Step on any toes yet? Ohh i'm about to! I was stealing a survey from a freshmen i know on campus. He has surveys all the time. Truth be told most of the time i don't read his answers cause he is immature however for the newest one i decided to read his answers before inserting my own. I was shocked and angry at the following answer:
24. The world could do without: Mexico..i mean come do they really contribute to anything???
for real, are you serious? I get so extremely sick of people complaining about Mexico. I have been there to the slums and looked into the face of people who are hurting and I in fact am going back in March to do it again. My first reaction is "What an American answer" let me reprase that: what a stereotypical American answer. In my travels there is one universal truth America does not paint a pretty picture in other countries.
A few examples:
1. When i was in Japan i met a lot of great people. One of them told me that i didn't act like an American when i asked her what she meant she got very nervous and shy and said to forget she said anything. The next weekend my roommates and i went to Tokyo Disney Land and saw exactly what she meant. We ran into a group of six or so American college guys and never ever before have i been so embarrassed of my heritage. They were running around yelling things like "Hey you want to learn English?" and "We have a hotel right down the street you want to come check it out." This is the view of Americans that my Japanese family had. That makes me sad.
2. Last year i went to Mexico. Before i left i actually had someone on campus say to me, "While you're down there ask them to give us our jobs back" for real now? We went there and visited what is called "Invasion City" it looks like this:
This is how many people live. They find any scraps and they build a home. They have families of five or six live here. If living here weren't enough they live in constant fear because any day the government could show up and cart them off to jail for setting up housing when it's not permitted. Jobs are set up in Mexico that they work for five months and take a few months off and then come back. However in the last three years they do not get their jobs back due to the economy lately. The reason they can only work five months is that if they work more than that they have a tax they cannot afford so they work there for five months take a few months off and come back if there is anything to come back to. So cities like these are becoming more and more common as they are moving around to find work to support their families. This is a sad reality, especially when you find yourself thinking that you have nothing. These people have one water source for about ten of these scrap houses and they all share it willingly and lovingly.
So i'm annoyed right now with the small minded American thinking. I know there are Americans out there who are not like this and i thank God for you. Let's love the neighbors in our country and in other countries.
Stepping off soap box now.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
songs and chapel
first things first. I love music. I cannot sing to save my life but there is just something about music that speaks to me no matter where i am in life. I feel like i am a nomad and i can always have my music. Well lately there have been two songs that i just are my "pump up" songs. They are polar opposites but when i hear them i just feel alive and ready to take on the day or whatever event is about to happen.
The first is Linkin Park's "Bleed It Out"
The second is "How Deep The Father's Love"
as stated above these are very different! But both just pump me up!
Alright so to chapel. Our speak was an alumni and he graduated when i was a freshmen, which is weird to think about. He talked about how his heart and passion was for the city. At the end the chaplain asked anyone who feels led to the city to stand and then who isn't sure if the city is for them. I didn't apply to either but stood for the second one. I don't feel called to the city or the country. I feel called any and everywhere. I feel like God wants me to be in the dumps, streets, cities, countries and slums of the world to show with actions the deep love of Christ. I don't know where that means or how that is going to work but God does.
These are my thoughts.
The first is Linkin Park's "Bleed It Out"
The second is "How Deep The Father's Love"
as stated above these are very different! But both just pump me up!
Alright so to chapel. Our speak was an alumni and he graduated when i was a freshmen, which is weird to think about. He talked about how his heart and passion was for the city. At the end the chaplain asked anyone who feels led to the city to stand and then who isn't sure if the city is for them. I didn't apply to either but stood for the second one. I don't feel called to the city or the country. I feel called any and everywhere. I feel like God wants me to be in the dumps, streets, cities, countries and slums of the world to show with actions the deep love of Christ. I don't know where that means or how that is going to work but God does.
These are my thoughts.
Monday, November 10, 2008
upside down life...
This weekend was so big for me spiritually. I have been praying about a few things that i haven't told anyone. I mean not even STO, Wookie or my roommate. I just don't know how i feel about these two things and so i've kept it to myself. Many of you may have seen this as i was very distant and slipped away a few times. These times you would find me by the lake praying and listening to the voice of God. Of the two i feel like i can only talk about one of them. God is calling me to live at camp. I hesitate to say that because it has been a dream of mine for the last five years that i've worked at camp. This semester has been the hardest one i've had so far. The entire way up to camp between conversations i was praying about the many things being thrown at me. I have been stretched, stressed and exhausted. I stepped out of the van and instantly felt like a burden was lifted and felt at peace. I cannot explain it but there is nowhere else i feel like that. Camp has this feeling like this is where i am supposed to be. I hope one day to have a country or place that feels as home as camp does. I talked to Duane about the possibility of interning there while student teaching next fall. It looks promising and i got an offer to live at Jennifer's place if that doesn't work out. Let me explain how this turns everything upside down. Since i switched to special education i always wanted to live on campus and student teach in the spring arbor area. I just knew that i loved spring arbor and that i would be in the area, i know the principals and a lot of teachers and this is my comfort zone. Once again God chuckled at my plan and took out his editing pen and went to work! I should know better by now!
I have a meeting on Thursday to discuss my student teaching semester. I have no idea how this will look but i am excited to see how it'll all work out.
I have a meeting on Thursday to discuss my student teaching semester. I have no idea how this will look but i am excited to see how it'll all work out.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
camp reunion n stuff!
Okay no surprise here, CAMP WAS AMAZING. I had such a great time. It would have been nice to get more sleep but there is just too many amazing people to hang out with. I had so many friends there i was so very blessed to be there. I wish i could have had a week to talk and catch up on life with all of them but seeing them briefly was so great. I appreciate them so much. A few highlights included passing out flyers with the gingers :), Casey's surprise birthday party and sitting in the lounge just talking. I found myself a few time just looking around and thinking, "What a great place and what amazing people!" I really love being there, there truly is nowhere else I'd rather be. There are times during the summer i want to go somewhere but it's usually for a few hours and not so much for an extended period of time. I go back home and it takes less than 24 hrs to want to go back! Seriously! I laughed a lot, thought a lot and smiled a lot! A LOT! :) I love my friends and this weekend was so great.
I also got to spend some quality time with my savior and Lord, Jesus! The first night after hanging out in the lounge for awhile i decided to walk around camp! I ended up at my favorite God time place is where i used to have SMT camp fires. There is this picnic table by the lake and i just love it. I sat in silence for awhile and then poured out my heart to God. He told me something that i really needed to hear, an answer if you will, to a prayer I've been praying since June or July. It's not the answer i want but it's not about me! This time was amazing. I also woke up early both Saturday and today and sat in the lounge in my "usual spot" (or the spot i sat every staff meeting this summer) and read James. I love this book of the bible and each chapter is so packed full of things that i need. I am so excited for where God is leading me and the woman he is calling me to be.
Honesty: i like to think I'm an honest person. I am really happy where i am. Seriously, i am happy and content with my life. This hasn't happened, ever! There are things I'm looking forward to when God is ready for those things to happen but i am exceedingly happy right now. I truly am. I have had a rough semester and God is teaching me a lot. Usually when you are being taught and stretched you are not too happy but it's been so good for me. I know that each small thing i go through is equipping me to be the woman God is calling me to be.
Kris
I also got to spend some quality time with my savior and Lord, Jesus! The first night after hanging out in the lounge for awhile i decided to walk around camp! I ended up at my favorite God time place is where i used to have SMT camp fires. There is this picnic table by the lake and i just love it. I sat in silence for awhile and then poured out my heart to God. He told me something that i really needed to hear, an answer if you will, to a prayer I've been praying since June or July. It's not the answer i want but it's not about me! This time was amazing. I also woke up early both Saturday and today and sat in the lounge in my "usual spot" (or the spot i sat every staff meeting this summer) and read James. I love this book of the bible and each chapter is so packed full of things that i need. I am so excited for where God is leading me and the woman he is calling me to be.
Honesty: i like to think I'm an honest person. I am really happy where i am. Seriously, i am happy and content with my life. This hasn't happened, ever! There are things I'm looking forward to when God is ready for those things to happen but i am exceedingly happy right now. I truly am. I have had a rough semester and God is teaching me a lot. Usually when you are being taught and stretched you are not too happy but it's been so good for me. I know that each small thing i go through is equipping me to be the woman God is calling me to be.
Kris
Friday, November 7, 2008
spotlight= yuck
So today in chapel a group of peer advisors sang for special music. Ron Kopiko called on of the PAs and asked them to get a group together. I was one of the few that went to most practices but i didn't make it all of them. I got to chapel early and KT says "Kris you and Claire have the first mic" okay so for whatever reason i got cast to be one of the six to have a mic. whatever. Then it came start for chapel to start, can you say intimidating. We were sitting in the choir loft behind the chapel band and it was intimidating to look out and see a packed out chapel. I'm not a front stage type of girl. I looked up a lot and when the beaming lots were blinding i decided to close my eyes. When the chapel band was done it was our turn to go up there. We discovered that we needed to be holding the mic and my partner wasn't too thrilled to have the mic so instead of sharing a mic i ended up having a mic and was one of three with one. I reminded myself that i was doing it for the audience of one and not the hundreds of students in the audience. we sang "At the foot of the cross" truly a beautiful song.
I am NOT a spotlight girl. I am a back-stage making sure those who are spotlight guys and girls are good to go. I don't do speaking in front of crowds and i don't like to have attention put upon me. This is why every February my face is beat red when a crowd, no matter the size, sings happy birthday to me. However only when done in a public place because i can always feel a lot of people looking over at me. I don't do spotlight but somehow today i managed. It may have helped that i had one of my lovely transfer down front smiling at me :)
i found out that next weekend my dad is playing a reunion gig and will be playing for his last time in his band. My dad was in a jazz/blues band most of my life, some of my earliest memories was getting my dad's friends and family out on the dance floor, apparently when i was little i was comfortable with that spotlight :). Well two years ago the band broke up and i was very sad because i haven't seen them preform since my freshmen year in h.s. when i lived with him for a year! I am excited to see them once again. Apparently they are doing it for an old friend who is really sick or something. One last show together! I am so excited to go! It will be nice to see my dad when it's not Thanksgiving or Christmas!
I am going to camp today. WOOHOO! I am very excited and cannot hold in the excitement to see everyone.
I am NOT a spotlight girl. I am a back-stage making sure those who are spotlight guys and girls are good to go. I don't do speaking in front of crowds and i don't like to have attention put upon me. This is why every February my face is beat red when a crowd, no matter the size, sings happy birthday to me. However only when done in a public place because i can always feel a lot of people looking over at me. I don't do spotlight but somehow today i managed. It may have helped that i had one of my lovely transfer down front smiling at me :)
i found out that next weekend my dad is playing a reunion gig and will be playing for his last time in his band. My dad was in a jazz/blues band most of my life, some of my earliest memories was getting my dad's friends and family out on the dance floor, apparently when i was little i was comfortable with that spotlight :). Well two years ago the band broke up and i was very sad because i haven't seen them preform since my freshmen year in h.s. when i lived with him for a year! I am excited to see them once again. Apparently they are doing it for an old friend who is really sick or something. One last show together! I am so excited to go! It will be nice to see my dad when it's not Thanksgiving or Christmas!
I am going to camp today. WOOHOO! I am very excited and cannot hold in the excitement to see everyone.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
beautiful, just beautiful
Have i mentioned how dang excited i am to see my camp family? I miss everyone so very much and i cannot wait to see them.
So i got the following from my boss. I think it is simply beautiful and profound.
Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.
Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain....
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call....
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!is it over yet?
I got laughed at today when i celebrated never having to hear about political ads. I didn't mean ever again but i meant at least for another three years. I am excited that i dont have to hear it for a while. My optimistic view point got trampled. ouch.
I am tired of hearing about it. We now have a new president, so let the current president finish his term and let's stop talking about it. Jesus is still my one and only, that will never change. Today the message i felt was very good. It was about the Luke 7 prostitute. Other than picking out the most spiritual crowd at chapel, not ever going there, he was pretty good. I really liked his speaking style, he was very excited about Jesus. i feel as though we need more preachers who are truly excited about Jesus.
that is all.
I am tired of hearing about it. We now have a new president, so let the current president finish his term and let's stop talking about it. Jesus is still my one and only, that will never change. Today the message i felt was very good. It was about the Luke 7 prostitute. Other than picking out the most spiritual crowd at chapel, not ever going there, he was pretty good. I really liked his speaking style, he was very excited about Jesus. i feel as though we need more preachers who are truly excited about Jesus.
that is all.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
anonymous gifts and trunks
For Halloween the transfer PAs signed up for a trunk for "Trunk or Treat" we had about five people say they were going to show up. Which is normal for an event. We had three show up and help us pass out candy and then all of the sudden seven of them showed up dressed up like "The Office" it was amazing. I don't know much about the office but have seen a few episodes. One of my guys who was playing Dwight was cracking me up. It was his birthday and he came up to me right in my face and i asked him he had gotten my e-mail and he said something about how he didn't do emailing anymore his Internet was shut off. Then he looked over to "Jim" and said "Where's my stapler, have you seen my stapler?" They all were in character the whole time and were so funny. It was so great. Pictures to come.
After that i went back to my apartment and finally ate dinner at about 8:30. Some good 'ol rice and chicken. Then Wookie called and harassed me for a little bit and said that he and Casey were going to McDonald, i just got paid and the thought of food was extremely exciting, dinner wasn't all that exciting. So i went and Mel was there getting ready to go to GR, so jealous, and so i got food and sat with the boys. Soon after Bethany came (woot woot) and we all sat and talked and laughed. Then Wookie was featuring his growls and decided that since Mike Johnson never ever picks up his phone he'd call him and give him a hilarious voicemail but surprise Mike answered. Apparently he could tell i was there because i was laughing in the background. I love being around my camp family, they crack me up so very much! I needed to laugh after the last few weeks!
So then Bethany and I went to her room. I decided to check my mail real quick and i am so happy i did. I found three envelopes. The first was a return envelope of a letter i sent to Jennifer but no worries I'll see her in six days WOOOOOOOOT for camp! The second was from the financial aid office notifying me that my long awaiting loan had in fact come in. I felt a weight being lifted from me. Then i saw the third letter. It was from someone on campus. Just my names and box number on the envelope. I was thinking, "Oh how nice someone send me an encouragement card" which is so awesome. I open up the envelope and find a $20 inside. No note. Just the money. My eyes had to be checked and i looked at Bethany and i said "someone sent me money. someone i'd like to hug and thank. wow." That is just amazing...yes? Looks like the storm is over. Things are starting to look up and other than my sickness i am back to myself.
Today's objective is resting it up. And sometime this weekend getting some groceries!
Kris
After that i went back to my apartment and finally ate dinner at about 8:30. Some good 'ol rice and chicken. Then Wookie called and harassed me for a little bit and said that he and Casey were going to McDonald, i just got paid and the thought of food was extremely exciting, dinner wasn't all that exciting. So i went and Mel was there getting ready to go to GR, so jealous, and so i got food and sat with the boys. Soon after Bethany came (woot woot) and we all sat and talked and laughed. Then Wookie was featuring his growls and decided that since Mike Johnson never ever picks up his phone he'd call him and give him a hilarious voicemail but surprise Mike answered. Apparently he could tell i was there because i was laughing in the background. I love being around my camp family, they crack me up so very much! I needed to laugh after the last few weeks!
So then Bethany and I went to her room. I decided to check my mail real quick and i am so happy i did. I found three envelopes. The first was a return envelope of a letter i sent to Jennifer but no worries I'll see her in six days WOOOOOOOOT for camp! The second was from the financial aid office notifying me that my long awaiting loan had in fact come in. I felt a weight being lifted from me. Then i saw the third letter. It was from someone on campus. Just my names and box number on the envelope. I was thinking, "Oh how nice someone send me an encouragement card" which is so awesome. I open up the envelope and find a $20 inside. No note. Just the money. My eyes had to be checked and i looked at Bethany and i said "someone sent me money. someone i'd like to hug and thank. wow." That is just amazing...yes? Looks like the storm is over. Things are starting to look up and other than my sickness i am back to myself.
Today's objective is resting it up. And sometime this weekend getting some groceries!
Kris
Friday, October 31, 2008
egg shot and blur
well friends is that subject confusing enough for you? I will be posting about two things. The flu shot (I'll explain the egg reference.) and my blur of a week.
First off i got the flu shot yesterday. Which explains why I'm nauseous, sneezing and feeling like ick! Okay so I've gotten the flu shot for three years now. I get the shot and then i get sick for 3-4 days then I'm good and don't get the flu. The first year was the worst. Well i was waiting for the nurse and i read the pamphlet and found out why i get so sick.
"The flu shot is an inactivated vaccine (containing killed virus) that is given with a needle, usually in the arm. It contains three influenza viruses. The three vaccine strains – one A (H3N2) virus, one A (H1N1) virus, and one B virus – are representative of the influenza vaccine strains recommended for that year. Viruses for the flu shot are grown in eggs." http://www.cdc.gov/FLU/about/qa/flushot.htm
If you know me at all you know i am unable to stomach eggs. I cannot eat them unless they are fully baked in something such as cookies, cakes, brownies. But no omelets, scrambled, deviled eggs *side story about deviled eggs: when i was little i used to love to eat them although i cannot stomach eggs and my mom would get so mad at me for eating then cause i'd get so sick* and no fresh toast (unless it is light in egg and cooked very well). So i was talking to her and she told me that it is grown in eggs and that i would be fine as long as i wasn't going to break out into hives or get blisters everywhere. That is fine with me. So now i know why the flu shot doesn't settle well for the first few days, once again my stomach's dislike of eggs strikes against me again! I don't mind the taste at all it's just that it get to my stomach and it is NOT a happy thing.
Secondly, my blur is over. I have been working non-stop since Monday on my two hugest assignments for the semester. Ironically enough both professors commented on how they found it wise to do the huge assignments in the middle instead of the end when we also have finals. I couldn't agree more. Truly. I am now done with two of the biggest presentation/ work of my tough methods courses :0) Yea! Yesterday was seriously non-stop from 8am until 8:30pm. The only time i took a break was for lunch, about a half hour, and dinner i gulped down in ten minutes before heading out to class. It was a crazy day but it is DONE.
Oh and in one week from today i get to see my beloved camp family. I miss them oh so much! Well I'm gonna go rest. I cannot believe the only answer to not getting the flu comes from the one and only thing i cannot stomach, HA!
Kris
First off i got the flu shot yesterday. Which explains why I'm nauseous, sneezing and feeling like ick! Okay so I've gotten the flu shot for three years now. I get the shot and then i get sick for 3-4 days then I'm good and don't get the flu. The first year was the worst. Well i was waiting for the nurse and i read the pamphlet and found out why i get so sick.
"The flu shot is an inactivated vaccine (containing killed virus) that is given with a needle, usually in the arm. It contains three influenza viruses. The three vaccine strains – one A (H3N2) virus, one A (H1N1) virus, and one B virus – are representative of the influenza vaccine strains recommended for that year. Viruses for the flu shot are grown in eggs." http://www.cdc.gov/FLU/about/qa/flushot.htm
If you know me at all you know i am unable to stomach eggs. I cannot eat them unless they are fully baked in something such as cookies, cakes, brownies. But no omelets, scrambled, deviled eggs *side story about deviled eggs: when i was little i used to love to eat them although i cannot stomach eggs and my mom would get so mad at me for eating then cause i'd get so sick* and no fresh toast (unless it is light in egg and cooked very well). So i was talking to her and she told me that it is grown in eggs and that i would be fine as long as i wasn't going to break out into hives or get blisters everywhere. That is fine with me. So now i know why the flu shot doesn't settle well for the first few days, once again my stomach's dislike of eggs strikes against me again! I don't mind the taste at all it's just that it get to my stomach and it is NOT a happy thing.
Secondly, my blur is over. I have been working non-stop since Monday on my two hugest assignments for the semester. Ironically enough both professors commented on how they found it wise to do the huge assignments in the middle instead of the end when we also have finals. I couldn't agree more. Truly. I am now done with two of the biggest presentation/ work of my tough methods courses :0) Yea! Yesterday was seriously non-stop from 8am until 8:30pm. The only time i took a break was for lunch, about a half hour, and dinner i gulped down in ten minutes before heading out to class. It was a crazy day but it is DONE.
Oh and in one week from today i get to see my beloved camp family. I miss them oh so much! Well I'm gonna go rest. I cannot believe the only answer to not getting the flu comes from the one and only thing i cannot stomach, HA!
Kris
Thursday, October 30, 2008
more thoughts of mine...
Yesterday we had worship chapel. This was way needed in my life. Spiritually i am starving, i feel like i just cannot get enough. I read my bible and pray and just want more. I guess it's not a bad thing, at least I'm not exhausted in this aspect like i am in every other aspect of my life! Well anyway during the second song i prayed that God would take away all of my worries, this is how it came out and i liked it.
"God, take all my worries, homework, relationship and put them on the back burner. No take them off the back burner and put them on the counter. No even better put them in a Tupperware container and put them in the fridge to stay there until i can open it back up and deal with it bowl by bowl."
After i said it i kinda smirked and said to myself, "Ha, you are such a feminist!" Lemme explain i was talking to Mike C the other day about our heart's desires and dreams. I told him I've always wanted to take charge of a children's ministry at a church. Then I started talking about me having a family one day which reminded me of last spring
*flashback music* so there i was...it was last spring semester and i was being a good psychology minor and handing out surveys. The survey was called "The pressure to date while in college" I handed it to one girl and she looked at me and said,
"It'll be very interesting to see this from the POV of a feminist"
I was speechless and i said "What makes you think I'm feminist"
and she answered, "You're driven, single and working toward a career"
I smiled wide and said "I'm all of those things but i would trade them all in to be a stay at home mom if that's what i decided with my future husband. I am not even close to feminist"
I found it pretty hilarious. Since then i have found that there are some who look at my singleness as a sign of feminism. Really? Me? The girls who loves to cook, clean and serve others? Mama Kris? HA, i find it funny! So when i related my problems to kitchen things it made me think of this. I'm not saying that my dream is to spend every waking moment in the kitchen but if i were to be in a marriage where we wanted me to be home with our children, I'd do it. However I'm not in college to find a husband but to have a career in case i don't end up married or if i have to work while married, not a feminist just wise.
Anywhoo, that was great times! I spent the majority of my day from 1:45 - 9:00 pm working on projects for today. They are almost done just need a few more hours to invest. After this week all the big projects of the semester will be completed. Hooray!
"God, take all my worries, homework, relationship and put them on the back burner. No take them off the back burner and put them on the counter. No even better put them in a Tupperware container and put them in the fridge to stay there until i can open it back up and deal with it bowl by bowl."
After i said it i kinda smirked and said to myself, "Ha, you are such a feminist!" Lemme explain i was talking to Mike C the other day about our heart's desires and dreams. I told him I've always wanted to take charge of a children's ministry at a church. Then I started talking about me having a family one day which reminded me of last spring
*flashback music* so there i was...it was last spring semester and i was being a good psychology minor and handing out surveys. The survey was called "The pressure to date while in college" I handed it to one girl and she looked at me and said,
"It'll be very interesting to see this from the POV of a feminist"
I was speechless and i said "What makes you think I'm feminist"
and she answered, "You're driven, single and working toward a career"
I smiled wide and said "I'm all of those things but i would trade them all in to be a stay at home mom if that's what i decided with my future husband. I am not even close to feminist"
I found it pretty hilarious. Since then i have found that there are some who look at my singleness as a sign of feminism. Really? Me? The girls who loves to cook, clean and serve others? Mama Kris? HA, i find it funny! So when i related my problems to kitchen things it made me think of this. I'm not saying that my dream is to spend every waking moment in the kitchen but if i were to be in a marriage where we wanted me to be home with our children, I'd do it. However I'm not in college to find a husband but to have a career in case i don't end up married or if i have to work while married, not a feminist just wise.
Anywhoo, that was great times! I spent the majority of my day from 1:45 - 9:00 pm working on projects for today. They are almost done just need a few more hours to invest. After this week all the big projects of the semester will be completed. Hooray!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
conviction and feelings
Lately God: has convicted me of my lack of showing my true feelings. I am extremely sarcastic, which if you meet my family is quite understandable! Lately though God has been telling me that i need to make sure those i care about know that i do care about them. I would hate for them to ever wonder if i care about them. Without weirding anyone out or making a bunch of my guy friends think i am madly in love with them, it's happened before, i have been taking opportunities to tell my friends how much they mean to me. If i haven't gotten to you, it's coming. It's not something that is natural to me. It may come in small fragments or all at once. I'm a work in progress, after all!
This week: is crazy busy up until Thursday night :0)! Academically that is! I have an event on Friday night for Halloween! Woot for passing out candy and dressing up like a Gilmore Girl! :)
In closing: God has my life in his perfect hands. I used the plural because he has a lot to deal with, but i know he can handle it. I have a lot going on but HE is so good, he is GOD after all and i am allowing him the driver seat on this roller coaster of life. Seriously, so far "what a ride"! I like the analogy of life being a roller coaster because of the way i feel toward roller coasters: i love them so much but hate the first one. Anyone who was there can attest that before the first one i freak out and am sure I'm crazy and will die, much like any faith decision, but once i do it i know I'm safe and in good hands and could conquer every coaster (or the world for JESUS).
Dear Collette: your "high five"/comment totally filled my encouragement bucket! Thanks for that. I really needed some encouragement. You rock girl!
enough feeling and thoughts for today.
this busy girl needs sleep to make it through the next few days.
Kris
This week: is crazy busy up until Thursday night :0)! Academically that is! I have an event on Friday night for Halloween! Woot for passing out candy and dressing up like a Gilmore Girl! :)
In closing: God has my life in his perfect hands. I used the plural because he has a lot to deal with, but i know he can handle it. I have a lot going on but HE is so good, he is GOD after all and i am allowing him the driver seat on this roller coaster of life. Seriously, so far "what a ride"! I like the analogy of life being a roller coaster because of the way i feel toward roller coasters: i love them so much but hate the first one. Anyone who was there can attest that before the first one i freak out and am sure I'm crazy and will die, much like any faith decision, but once i do it i know I'm safe and in good hands and could conquer every coaster (or the world for JESUS).
Dear Collette: your "high five"/comment totally filled my encouragement bucket! Thanks for that. I really needed some encouragement. You rock girl!
enough feeling and thoughts for today.
this busy girl needs sleep to make it through the next few days.
Kris
Monday, October 27, 2008
i was talking to a good friend last night and he said this "when you are a smiley person it feels so wrong to not be smiling all the time. Let yourself be yourself. Don't be afraid to let that smile down once and a while. I'd rather you be real then have a fake smile". I needed that, thanks Rol.
A few more meetings down. I have no meal plan on campus now, which lifts the burden for sure! I'm not in the clear yet but am getting a lot closer.
Kris
Sunday, October 26, 2008
lots of thoughts going on up there...
I have a lot of thoughts going around in my mind. Since this is my blog and you have the right to read it or get bored and move on to something a little more stimulating or entertaining i will ramble and share these thoughts going on inside!
Thoughts: It's no lie that i needed a break. I needed a break from crying and worrying. From a pile of homework. Basically i needed a me break. Not a break "all about me" that was fall break. Fall break mindset was: no homework cause i need rest, i need a break, i need to do things, me, me, and ME! This break was all about JESUS and serving others! It was exactly what we needed. (We being Jesus and I- some we time) I have found in the lowest of lows i serve someone and it's a feeling i cannot get enough of. I cooked for others, did dishes for others, and helped build a log cabin for others to use in the future. It was amazing :0). I had some sweet God times before going to bed and it kept coming back to "Kris you need to give it all to me. Not just the little stuff, i want it ALL. All your heart and all your dreams. ALL of it" Yes, when speaking to me Jesus often has to repeat something, especially simple things, over and over. Beginning of this semester i once again submitted Jesus my plan and he just smiled and said "Oh Kris. You are just so cute!" He took out his red pen and switched something around and said "Here's the deal my child. You haven't quite learned patience and the important of fully depending upon me so we're gonna work on that before we even talk about this plan." This is what I've done. I've learned a great deal of patience. I am content where i am. A year ago i wrote in a journal i found "God i wish i could know your plan so i could be patient" Even a year ago i had so much to learn, patience is not knowing and that's the whole point silly Kris Locker from last year! :0)! God is teaching me, especially through this financial and confusing boy stuff that HE is in control and he knows what he's doing. I have no idea what's going to happen next semester but I'll do what i can this semester to stay. This is not a fight I'm done fighting. It is so not over just overtime. "you don't get overtime you just GET OVER IT" :0)
My weekend: if ever i questioned God's timing it was re clarified this weekend. There wasn't a better time to chill in the wilderness building and being with others who appreciate me for who i am :0) I was able to hang out and just be me. I worked from 8am-5pm. With a lunch break of course :0)! I didn't have to worry about homework, finances, food but just looked for new ways to encourage or serve someone. It was amazing. I was star gazing and although it wasn't the same without Storvik being there (yea, Nate it just wasn't the same) i just laid there thinking about how amazing God is and how he loves me so much. I started praying that everything that was weighing on my heart and mind would take a rest for those few days and that I'd just serve and let God hold me in his arms. That moment starring at the stars totally changed the weekend. I was no long a "woe is me" Kris but a Kris that was ready to serve. I love to serve; it's such a great feeling. I got there on Thursday night and it was "Kris and da boys" which is nothing new for me pretty much how it always was. The level of amazingness was added when two ladies joined us on Friday night :0). Added to the fun, for sure! God just constantly in those two and a half days showed me how amazing he is and how much of my heart and life he deserves. Last night before i went to bed at 9:30pm (i know i'm such an elder already :)!!) i was just like, "God i'm done. I give this to you. Whatever happens i'm following you. I'm done trying to control my life again. I know i should know by now but i am a stupid human" I literally felt a burden lift...he is so great.
a few quotes i heard between Wednesday and today:
-"The church is a whore, but she's still my mother" St. Augustine Okay this one may need a bit of an explanation, folks! The church is supposed to be the bride of Jesus but has been gotten away from her love and gone after other things in the world. She has been very promiscuous since Jesus. At the same token the church is my mother because i am from the church and that's where many of my morals and belief were established. She is both a whore and my mother. Beautiful quote. I hope i explained it well, it makes sense in my head which doesn't say much :0)
- "There is no love at first sight because it's not love with insight" -Unknown. I read this is a book i was reading this weekend on some downtime. It talked about how it's impossible to fall in love with someone you just met because it takes so much insight into the person. The love "with insight" has God at the center of the relationship: as it should be.
Woah. long post :0)
Kris
Thoughts: It's no lie that i needed a break. I needed a break from crying and worrying. From a pile of homework. Basically i needed a me break. Not a break "all about me" that was fall break. Fall break mindset was: no homework cause i need rest, i need a break, i need to do things, me, me, and ME! This break was all about JESUS and serving others! It was exactly what we needed. (We being Jesus and I- some we time) I have found in the lowest of lows i serve someone and it's a feeling i cannot get enough of. I cooked for others, did dishes for others, and helped build a log cabin for others to use in the future. It was amazing :0). I had some sweet God times before going to bed and it kept coming back to "Kris you need to give it all to me. Not just the little stuff, i want it ALL. All your heart and all your dreams. ALL of it" Yes, when speaking to me Jesus often has to repeat something, especially simple things, over and over. Beginning of this semester i once again submitted Jesus my plan and he just smiled and said "Oh Kris. You are just so cute!" He took out his red pen and switched something around and said "Here's the deal my child. You haven't quite learned patience and the important of fully depending upon me so we're gonna work on that before we even talk about this plan." This is what I've done. I've learned a great deal of patience. I am content where i am. A year ago i wrote in a journal i found "God i wish i could know your plan so i could be patient" Even a year ago i had so much to learn, patience is not knowing and that's the whole point silly Kris Locker from last year! :0)! God is teaching me, especially through this financial and confusing boy stuff that HE is in control and he knows what he's doing. I have no idea what's going to happen next semester but I'll do what i can this semester to stay. This is not a fight I'm done fighting. It is so not over just overtime. "you don't get overtime you just GET OVER IT" :0)
My weekend: if ever i questioned God's timing it was re clarified this weekend. There wasn't a better time to chill in the wilderness building and being with others who appreciate me for who i am :0) I was able to hang out and just be me. I worked from 8am-5pm. With a lunch break of course :0)! I didn't have to worry about homework, finances, food but just looked for new ways to encourage or serve someone. It was amazing. I was star gazing and although it wasn't the same without Storvik being there (yea, Nate it just wasn't the same) i just laid there thinking about how amazing God is and how he loves me so much. I started praying that everything that was weighing on my heart and mind would take a rest for those few days and that I'd just serve and let God hold me in his arms. That moment starring at the stars totally changed the weekend. I was no long a "woe is me" Kris but a Kris that was ready to serve. I love to serve; it's such a great feeling. I got there on Thursday night and it was "Kris and da boys" which is nothing new for me pretty much how it always was. The level of amazingness was added when two ladies joined us on Friday night :0). Added to the fun, for sure! God just constantly in those two and a half days showed me how amazing he is and how much of my heart and life he deserves. Last night before i went to bed at 9:30pm (i know i'm such an elder already :)!!) i was just like, "God i'm done. I give this to you. Whatever happens i'm following you. I'm done trying to control my life again. I know i should know by now but i am a stupid human" I literally felt a burden lift...he is so great.
a few quotes i heard between Wednesday and today:
-"The church is a whore, but she's still my mother" St. Augustine Okay this one may need a bit of an explanation, folks! The church is supposed to be the bride of Jesus but has been gotten away from her love and gone after other things in the world. She has been very promiscuous since Jesus. At the same token the church is my mother because i am from the church and that's where many of my morals and belief were established. She is both a whore and my mother. Beautiful quote. I hope i explained it well, it makes sense in my head which doesn't say much :0)
- "There is no love at first sight because it's not love with insight" -Unknown. I read this is a book i was reading this weekend on some downtime. It talked about how it's impossible to fall in love with someone you just met because it takes so much insight into the person. The love "with insight" has God at the center of the relationship: as it should be.
Woah. long post :0)
Kris
Thursday, October 23, 2008
gone up north...
i am leaving in like five minutes and will be back on Sunday. I won't be online or at school. I am going up north to work on a building project with some student leaders. There is nothing i want or need more right now than to get away and be in the no-internet and no offices where money rules all :). I will be in the God's creation with his servants! I am excited.
I will be back Sunday afternoon. Hopefully refreshed, refocused and a little less freaked out about not being able to come to school next semester.
Hope your weekend rocks :)
Kris
I will be back Sunday afternoon. Hopefully refreshed, refocused and a little less freaked out about not being able to come to school next semester.
Hope your weekend rocks :)
Kris
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
i found the storm no surprise here: it's about money
So growing up in a barely making it poverty line family money is always an issue, a fight topic and a big pain in the bum! I came to this problem today. I was told to come into the financial aid office to clear up something and i found out that because i've been in school so long my financial aid is running up. I don't even have enough to cover me this year. I am about 1600.00 in the hole right now. They can split it up among the semesters but if half of that isn't paid off by the end of the semester i cannot come back.
well good. that's awesome. it's not like next semester is my last semester before i graduate, no big! But i do have options they tell me: I could commute, give up my meals and/or ask a family member to co-sign a loan. After i told her twice that there is no one that i can get a co-sign from she still wants me to call home and ask. You mean call home and ask a question that i already know the answer to a big fat NO. So here i am once again in tears over money. Just like growing up and not having enough food to eat so you opt out of dinner. Just like hearing my mom yell at her boyfriend in jr. high because the grocery money was being smoked AGAIN. Just like in high school when my family was trying to convince me to work at a factory because that's truly where the money is and people like us don't make it through the college circuit.
So when i was faced with this storm i rolled my eyes. It boils down to money and not just money it truly boils down to food money. If i can get rid of my meals on campus and cook in the apartment i would be that much closer to freedom but not quite free yet. She asked me how possible it was for me to commute and i told her how i have no car. I didn't think to mention how i don't technically have a "home" to commute from. I didn't mention how my "home" is a two bedroom trailer with approx. 7 people living in it minus myself. So no commuting is not an option. I went back and forth between two offices and i got that look i despise more than any other in the world. I got the poor girl look this is an economical poor and not the woe is my type poor. The look that says they have no idea how i live like this: no health insurance, no car, no help financially. They don't have even a fraction of an idea of what my family goes through on a daily basis just to eat.
Through these meetings, one of which i started crying while she was "brainstorming on how to help me" with a colleague i could feel the hopeless tears coming and i told myself to hold it in and pull myself together, tough girl poverty talk there! I did pull it together and the entire time i can hear in my mind "I don't want to survive i want to LIVE". I know this is a Wall-e quote and you should too. This is how i feel. I don' t want to make it through another semester financially i want to be able to live without having to constantly worry about not having enough money and not being able to do what God has called me to do. I have worked so hard to get where i am today and the only thing standing in my way is money. FIGURES. money, so trivial yet so important in our world.
I'm ready for something more. Something deeper. I'm ready to be the influence upon children who have nothing. I'm ready to be done with loans and denials. I hate money, i truly do.
there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to see but it's there. God knows what he's doing and something good will come of all this. If nothing more than a reminder that i do come from a poverty home and that will always be a part of who i am.
well good. that's awesome. it's not like next semester is my last semester before i graduate, no big! But i do have options they tell me: I could commute, give up my meals and/or ask a family member to co-sign a loan. After i told her twice that there is no one that i can get a co-sign from she still wants me to call home and ask. You mean call home and ask a question that i already know the answer to a big fat NO. So here i am once again in tears over money. Just like growing up and not having enough food to eat so you opt out of dinner. Just like hearing my mom yell at her boyfriend in jr. high because the grocery money was being smoked AGAIN. Just like in high school when my family was trying to convince me to work at a factory because that's truly where the money is and people like us don't make it through the college circuit.
So when i was faced with this storm i rolled my eyes. It boils down to money and not just money it truly boils down to food money. If i can get rid of my meals on campus and cook in the apartment i would be that much closer to freedom but not quite free yet. She asked me how possible it was for me to commute and i told her how i have no car. I didn't think to mention how i don't technically have a "home" to commute from. I didn't mention how my "home" is a two bedroom trailer with approx. 7 people living in it minus myself. So no commuting is not an option. I went back and forth between two offices and i got that look i despise more than any other in the world. I got the poor girl look this is an economical poor and not the woe is my type poor. The look that says they have no idea how i live like this: no health insurance, no car, no help financially. They don't have even a fraction of an idea of what my family goes through on a daily basis just to eat.
Through these meetings, one of which i started crying while she was "brainstorming on how to help me" with a colleague i could feel the hopeless tears coming and i told myself to hold it in and pull myself together, tough girl poverty talk there! I did pull it together and the entire time i can hear in my mind "I don't want to survive i want to LIVE". I know this is a Wall-e quote and you should too. This is how i feel. I don' t want to make it through another semester financially i want to be able to live without having to constantly worry about not having enough money and not being able to do what God has called me to do. I have worked so hard to get where i am today and the only thing standing in my way is money. FIGURES. money, so trivial yet so important in our world.
I'm ready for something more. Something deeper. I'm ready to be the influence upon children who have nothing. I'm ready to be done with loans and denials. I hate money, i truly do.
there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to see but it's there. God knows what he's doing and something good will come of all this. If nothing more than a reminder that i do come from a poverty home and that will always be a part of who i am.
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